Do You Believe in Santa Clause?

I don't have children, but I love them madly. They easily believe everything you tell them. My girlfriend today was telling me about her beautiful 4 year old son. He's doing the Elf on a Shelf thing. She said she thought she would hate it, but he said that all the other kids in pre-school had it, so she ended up caving in. Anyway, so this elf does all these miraculous things each night. Last night, for example, her son planted jelly beans. In the morning these jelly beans were to turn into candy canes.

The next morning her son Jake (name changed) woke up and said, MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!! THE JELLY BEANS TURNED TO CANDY CANES!!! His expression was with wild abandon, amazement and complete certainty. Kids believe things. They believe what we tell them. Kids are amazing with their fabulous imaginations.

That struck me as profound. I thought back to myself as a 5 year old child, so impressionable in the hands of a tyrant. I'm not saying this so you'll feel sorry for me. I'm saying this because I want you to understand, as I am understanding, the power of belief. Anyway, I was thinking, WOW. If a child is THAT impressionable. If a child believes crazy things THAT easily, what crazy things did I accept as true as a little 4 and 5 year old???

Hmmmmmm...

I'm on a mission to discover all the lies in my heart that I've swallowed about my worth and my value. I know that somewhere inside of me there is something that is still not 100%. I want to find that place and do the work to heal it for once and for all...

Thus, I'm always on the lookout for insight. Ways to discover where the belief or beliefs first started, and ways to convince my logical brain of the fallacy of the conclusion. Our brains are just like computers, you know. If we can locate the bad programming, we can reprogram that part of our brains with the truth. Our brains are plastic (able to learn later in life) and we are capable of reprogramming parts of our minds that are thinking wrongly. I personally have made amazing progress...

So when my friend mentioned this situation with her adorable son, I started thinking of myself as a 4 or 5 year old. How impressionable I was. How mean my step father was. How his actions and words were such strong messages of my lack of value and worth as a person. I think about how I gulped down his interpretation of me completely, without any doubt. That's what children do!

Then I think about today. How I am able to make more informed decisions. I can re-believe those things that I once accepted as permanent. I am flexible. I am open. I am growing, and hopefully, with a little acceptance, time, patience and work, I can rethink the math. I can rethink the solution.

Hmmmmmmm....

Maybe he WAS wrong...

Maybe I believed a LIE...

Maybe I can think that through...

Maybe there is no Santa Clause...