Monday, March 20, 2017

The Narcissist Seeks to Control Your Solar Plexus

The narcissist goes after the Solar Plexus of a person. He or she tries to circumvent one's self from one's self and onto the narcissist. The narc tries to dominate your sense of I AMness. The narc wants to control you by confusing you about who you are, what you can do, what matters to you. The narc wants you to have an external locus of control instead of an internal locus of control. The narc wants you to look to them for approval, validation as if they are god. Like a parasite, the narcissist wants to exist on your core of love.

He or she will feed you to some extent, until it has you, or unless it has to. Once you are sufficiently discombobulated internally through gas lighting, silent treatment, victimhood, triangulating, raging, chaos, wounding, intermittent reinforcement, lying, put-downs, insults, commands, disrespect, then the narc has you where it wants you: Detached from self and traumatically bonded to the narcissist's control. Objectified. Lost.

The narc wants to control the agenda and make you fall for whatever illusion they're selling about how you should be, what you should think, what you should feel. The manipulator wants you to believe that you are lowly and inferior and that the narc is all knowing, all powerful and highly superior. News Flash: They are full of horse spit.

Your solar plexus is your center of I AM. The narcissist is envious of this life force in you. The narcissist doesn't have a true self, as it's been submerged during their development. The narcissist is a false self that can only thrive by the supply of your true self, the power of which emanates from the Solar Plexus Chakra. Your place of knowing who you are, what you want, what you can do, what you will do. It's your everything and the narcissist wants to take it from you.

If you are wounded in your SP, then you will be easy prey for the narc. If you do not know who you are, the narc will define you for you. If you don't know who you are, you will feel desperate for definition and you will seek and attract those who will balance your sense of powerlessness. Any obstruction of your sense of who you are, of your I AMness, your internal locus of control, causes a loss of self and turns you into a puppet belonging to someone or something else.



You must know who you are. This happens along your healing journey once you've felt all the feelings and eradicated most of your toxic shame. Once you are rooted through the Root Chakra, you can handle your power... the power found in the Solar Plexus Chakra - Manipura.

The narcissist parent does not teach the child about their own power because a child is so flexible and vulnerable. The parent can use the child's power from birth. The child can become conditioned to give away power through their development--that is, conditioned to give up their own sense of being and instead live to please--exert energy on, worship the external source (narcissistic parent). If you were raised in a narc tank, you may have no sense of your own power physically, emotionally or mentally. You may have no sense of a concentration of your own energy but rather experience the opposite--giving your energy away to thieves. Instead of joy and bliss, you experience depression, low self-esteem and psychosomatic health problems.

It's traumatic to be disconnected from your true power.

If you're maligned in your solar plexus, your self energy becomes focused outward, on needing validation from others (dis-empowering), instead of coming from within--validating the self. (empowering). This is messed up. A whole self comes from within and experiences the world with the five senses--as well as a spiritual component. All this gets stolen when you are wired to care more about what others think than you care about yourself. Your identity becomes enmeshed with someone outside and you can never become a full, whole and complete individual.

But wait! There's hope. You can ignite your own flame and experience your own power.

A way to get in touch with this power is through meditations on the Solar Plexus Chakra. Meditations that refute the inner lie that says you do not exist, that you have no right to exist, or that your existence is futile, useless, worthless, unlovable. Meditations that stand firm in who you are--who YOU really are.

Who you are.
What you will do.
That you can do it.
That you exist.
That you have a right to exist.

If these very simple understandings were not conveyed to you as a child, then you become stuck in a psychological development stage that is codependent. You must complete the developmental process on your own as an adult using your healthy adult voice, mindfulness, awareness, meditation, affirmations, refuting the negative lies, reparenting yourself.

I will.
I can.
I am.

Daily reminders to yourself of who you are, that you are worthy, that you are confident, healthy, capable, successful, strong, powerful.

All this must be coupled with your own self expansion in every area. You must begin to allow yourself to be who you are according to your senses. Smell, taste, touch, sight... Your physical body must be attuned to, heeded, experienced. You must begin to follow the leadings of your deep intuition and start doing things for YOURSELF that are from your I AM. Whatever those things may be. Wherever those things take you. You have to start living from your I AM and reclaim--perhaps for the first time--your Solar Plexus. Your place of self will, determination, power and existence.

You must protect yourself and the only way to do this is to understand your power. It's like lighting the flame inside your heart. The flame of knowing, understanding who you are and what you're capable of doing, being, becoming. WHO YOU ARE.

You must protect yourself from manipulative people who want to control you and exploit you  and use you for their benefit. They would love to get you into a place of submission. They will use their arrogant, shape-shifting ways to fool you into blowing out your own inner candle.  They will do anything they can think of to knock you down so that you stop existing in your power and bow down to worship them.

If you are in your power you cannot be fooled. You can't be moved. You are strong in who you are, what you want and what you're capable of doing, being and becoming. The narc can't get past you when you stand in your own power and are certain of your own right to exist. You become a repellent to those who would abuse you. You overcome the negativity of others. You realize the value of who you are and this is a show stopper for the narcissist. Light the fire of your I AM.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Narcissistic Expectations: The Audience Member

I am binge watching this channel. Love her stuff. She's so intelligent. I am learning the same things she is and it's astounding. Thank you, @PermissiontoExist



Friday, January 27, 2017

Voice from Within


There is a voice inside you, under the shame that is constantly, eternally, continuously and always saying things like this to yourself:

I love you.
You're so great.
You're such a blessing.
I'm so glad you're here.
You're so funny.
You're doing so good.

Little sentences like this are being repeated constantly in the heart of your true self to yourself. It is like an internal wellspring of love, peace and well being. It is always flowing. It is the real you.

This voice can be covered by shame. It can be covered by lies. That's why it is so important for us to do the heavy work of overcoming our shame and grieving our losses so we can be free to experience the warmth of love that is continually flowing from within. God within. Your higher self loves you.


Tuesday, January 24, 2017

You Earn Respect

You cannot tell someone you love, "you must start respecting me." Respect is earned by your actions. The way you allow others to treat you gauges how much they respect you, whether it be a friend, spouse, lover or family member. It's how you allow yourself to be treated that garners the respect of others. If you let others treat you in disrespectful ways, then they will disrespect you. That's how relationships work.

And it's okay to be respected. You have to HOLD the respect that you earn. You have to get used to being respected because it may feel weird at first.. It may feel weird in a variety of ways for the rest of your life as you grow stronger and stronger. It's a better feeling than being dissed.

***You can't be mad at yourself for not respecting yourself either. This is in itself disrespect to yourself. You have to honor wherever you are and be super-nice to yourself even when you're being disrespected. This is crucial. You can't carry the shame of the disrespectful person. You have to let their shame go. They are the ones who are treating you badly. Let them feel bad for themselves. It is not your fault they're being an asshole.***

You earn respect. Respect is earned. You go to work, then you EARN a paycheck. If you take care of yourself, set boundaries and walk away from bullshit, you will earn self respect and the respect of others. Earning respect is about refusing to give to anyone who is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve the best. You deserve to be honored, cherished and valued.

If someone in your life is not honoring you, cherishing you and valuing you, and you continue to maintain the relationship as is, this could be because of a few reasons:

1. You feel worthless so you feel that you have to give an unequal amount to another person in order to be loved.

2. You are codependent, merged, stuck, addicted to another person because you do not know what is emotionally yours and what is not yours.

3. You don't have a sense of self and you don't realize they're being abusive or disrespectful towards you because you're not in touch with your intuition.

4. You don't have the relationship skills to set boundaries.

5. You are being totally controlled by a narcissistic family system.

6. You are afraid of being by yourself if you walk away from a chronically disrespectful person.

7. You take the blame for everything and internalize their disrespect, thinking you deserve it.

Well, you have to work on all these things if you want to gain the respect of yourself and those around you. As you require respect from those around you, you will begin to respect yourself more and more. You begin to earn your own power, perhaps for the first time. And you get stronger and stronger.

So the key is to get to the place where everyone in your life treats you with great respect. Where people make you feel welcome, are glad you are alive and who care about your feelings. Your job on this planet is to learn to be respected. You've got to earn the respect of those around you.

Ways to Earn Respect

- Refuse to engage with people who are rude to you.

- Make requests for things when appropriate.

- Make sure your voice is heard.

- Speak up when things are bugging you.

- Look people in the eye.

- Feel good about yourself.

- Set boundaries.

- Know what you want.

- Ask for what you want.

- Refuse to be controlled and manipulated.

- Stand your ground.

- Don't give in.

- Consider your own interests first.

These are just a few thoughts on respect. I'm really thinking about this and making adjustments in my life to reflect the utmost respect for myself. It's incredible.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

HIGHER LEVEL RELATIONSHIPS


There comes a point when you're aware of all the manipulations of the narcissist and other disordered people and you know who to let in and you know who to keep out. You know your own feelings because you've learned to be in touch with them and not run from them or drown them in addictions. You whittle away all the "family and friends" who treat you as less-than-worthy. You go no contact with people who are abusive quickly, more fully. Step-by-painful-step, you learn to steer away from new friendships and romantic relationships that have warning signs. You get down to the bone.
You get beyond all the manipulations and abuses that you formerly allowed to get past your lack of boundaries. You protect yourself from abusive others. You win. You spend some time alone. Along this healing journey, you learn to cherish being alone, knowing that you're no longer being hurt, rejected or repeatedly disrespected. You get alone and you get happier.

Then you take steps to get out there into the sunlight of relationships again, meet new people, venture out, make the effort, then you go through this path of meeting people, then figuring out where they're harming you, closing the door, healing, going out, meeting new people, and you rise. You shed a lot of friends. You close a lot of doors. You open new doors only to close them when you see the truth of how they hurt you in the places where your own boundary holes exist. You heal to a higher level of self love, and the quality of people in your life becomes better and better.

And these new people in your life, at the center of self love are loving towards you and kind. They treat you like you're welcome, not like you're worthless. They respect your boundaries. They love who you are. They appreciate you, compliment you and treat you like a jewel. They don't envy you; they want to see you be the best you can be in every way.

A few people are in-between, but you learn to go with this flow, and only let certain people in so far. Only if they're safe. You go slowly. You run your own self by your intuition.

At first, being down to this core level of self-love relationships with others, you may feel uncomfortable. After all, you're not used to this at all--but you know you can't go back to crazy making, gas lighting, boundary busting, flying monkeys. You see them and they're no longer able to hook you. You also cannot happily be alone, because you're hardwired for relationships.

So there you are.

Feeling strange to be around people who actually care about you unconditionally because you are you.

Feeling strange to be complimented and given kudos for just being you.

Feeling strange to talk to a friend just as a friend, and not as their narcissistic supply, echo or mirror.

Feeling strange to relate one-to-one with another being at this higher level of consciousness that you hold.

Feeling strange not to feel the need to prove yourself.

Feeling strange being honest and real.

Feeling strange that you're not worshiping an image.

Feeling strange to notice weaknesses and to experience your own vulnerability.

Feeling strange to be afraid of intimacy and closeness since it's not been available in that lower-level mess of people in your life before.

And you go through that strangeness. Like exercising for the first time, or eating healthy, you learn to relate healthily, love truthfully. Loving people for their own sakes, not for what they give you or you give to them, but for who they are.

There is a point where you get beyond the abuse and down to the core of who you are and then you grow and build bad ass friendships and incredible relationships with people that are equal and mutually satisfying.

There is no shame in this. There is no shame in going through people and protecting yourself. There is no shame that you had to learn the hard way. There is no shame that you didn't know everything but had to go through stuff to learn the truth about love and relationships. No shame at all to say goodbye to hurtful others and be awkward for a while with new, nice sweet people who truly care about you. No shame for not having this all along.

It's okay to be right where you are. It takes as long as it takes. You can start anywhere at any time.

It doesn't feel normal at first, but if you stick with it. Stay away from the bad ones and migrate towards the good ones, eventually, that will be all you know. And you will continue to grow.
Jenna

Friday, December 16, 2016