Thursday, August 2, 2018

Who Are You?

We all know who we are, right? Or at least we think we do. But do we really know who we are? Really? Or do you allow yourself to be defined by others? Allow yourself to be defined by your environment? Do you have a solid sense of self, or do you "feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind" like Katy Perry?

What constitutes ourselves? What defines us? How do we know who we are and how do we know that we know ourselves? Who the hell are we? These are some great questions to ask! 

This article is about self definition. How you define yourself from your toes to your head. Who you are, not who you are perceived to be, not who you pretend to be, but who you truly are... Very philosophical! We're talking about living your best life and living to your full potential. Who you are supposed to be, who you were born to be.

Whew! What a huge topic... seems simple, but it's large to grasp. I think the problem with the empath, or one who has gone through trauma, or an abused person, or even the world at large is... we don't know who we really are. We can't define ourselves. 

People who have been abused seem to have more difficulty with self definition. They have a shaky sense-of-self. If you want an extreme version--think Sybil. That abused child from the seventies. Think multiple personalities. (FTR: We all have many different parts, despite the huge stigma, but I digress.) This article is about sense-of-self. Identity. Who are you? What do you want? What is driving you?

My healing journey has involved much discovery. I have been able to answer the questions of who I am a little more each day. It's about learning to trust yourself, your intuition, your gut feels, your heart and becoming who you are on earth to be.

I love making lists about stuff when I'm learning and growing, so I figured I'd insert a list here. A list of things that make up who you are... Are you with me?
  • Your values.
  • Your morals.
  • Your drive.
  • Your motivation.
  • Your purpose.
  • Your heart.
  • Your physical body.
  • Your mind.
  • Your thoughts.
  • Your feelings.
  • Your beliefs.
  • Your instinct.
  • Your urges.
  • Your mind site.
  • Your perception.
  • Your ideas.
  • Your longings.
  • Your dreams.
  • Your goals.
  • Your plans.
  • Your gifts.
  • Your senses.
  • Your faith.
  • Your God.
  • Your intention.
  • Your thorns.
  • Your roses.
The list can go on...

It's important to note that you are who you are regardless of whether you know how to defend yourself. If you don't know how to set boundaries and define yourself, you still have a self under there somewhere. You may feel like a plastic bag, but the truth is, you are anchored. You have a core self. You have a higher self and you have everything in between. 

It's just a matter of finding out who YOU are, what YOU believe, how YOU feel. It's a matter of breaking free of the idea that someone outside of you can define you, and learning to trust your inner truth. Learning to live by your own spark and guidance. 


I think a big part of life is discovering who you are, and backing that which you are up with action, protection and wisdom. Life is about being, becoming, achieving, learning, growing and loving others. Life is about learning, love, wisdom and balance. It's a huge topic. 

I could venture to say that we are made of the same thing as the stars, which we are. "There is a universe inside of you," but you are also an individual. That is so cool! And it's important that we each live our own lives--because life is short. We are here for a short time for our own unique reasons, and it's our purpose to fulfill our meaning and to leave our mark.

Don't Let Anyone Thwart You 

It's easy in this world to get stuck. It's easy to put the responsibility on someone else instead of taking life by the clouds and pulling yourself up. That's the easy route. It's much harder to stand up for ourselves, for who we are, for what we believe, and to go for what we want in this world; whatever that may be, regardless of who is clapping. 

Always trying to please others is a quick way to lose yourself. If you're living by someone else's heart, you will lose your own life in the process. You can't live to please others, to do so renders you invisible and resentful. 

But what will you be losing??? 


  • Your values.
  • Your morals.
  • Your drive.
  • Your motivation.
  • Your purpose.
  • Your heart.
  • Your physical body.
  • Your mind.
  • Your thoughts.
  • Your feelings.
  • Your beliefs.
  • Your instinct.
  • Your urges.
  • Your mind site.
  • Your perception.
  • Your ideas.
  • Your longings.
  • Your dreams.
  • Your goals.
  • Your plans.
  • Your gifts.
  • Your senses.
  • Your faith.
  • Your God.
  • Your intention.
  • Your thorns.
  • Your roses.
The list could go on...

You have to stand up and be who you are. You have to be brave. You have to walk away from people. You have to close doors to people who are constantly, repeatedly, habitually trying to control you. There are people like that--people who will take you off the path to yourself, to your goals, dreams and life purpose. You have to say goodbye to those people.

And you have to silence your heart that would try to please the world instead of living your truth. Your truth is not an option. You have to live your truth to feel complete. Some people die never living their truth, and that is a travesty. There is nothing greater than being in complete control of your own destiny and driving your own ship, yourself. 

Fan the Flames of Your Heart

You have to go with your instincts and follow your heart to your own personal bliss. Follow the little leanings of your heart. If you enjoy writing, then writing is your gift for this planet. If you enjoy painting, then painting is your gift and your outlet. If you love being on the radio, then grab a microphone. If you love cooking, then cook-to-your-heart's-desire. You owe it to yourself to follow that little spark in your heart that leads to your own internal flame, God within (my belief).

That's what I believe I am. I am a spiritual being, a physical being and a mental being. I have powers that have yet to be discovered and developed. I have gifts that have yet to be opened. I have love that is flowing from a well deep within that waters all around. I am strong, I am capable and I am becoming who I am. 

Thank you for reading. 


VALIDATION OF THE NARCISSIST


The narcissist may validate false parts of you. The Narcissist tricks you by feeding your ego with things they want you to need instead of what your ego actually needs. This process is a trip.They are trying to program you by validating you in the direction they want you to go. They will start flattering you in areas that are unimportant to you in order to get you to fall into their trance; it's tricky because they are flattering with their forked tongues, and as an empath, you feel obliged to accept it--even though it's not the ego food you need. The validation of the narcissist is not even validation that the empath needs. It's shit they don't need, but the narc programs it into the conversation as though it were something needed.

Validation from the narcissist is like eating dirt. It's invalidation as they try to define you with soothing words, compliments, and familiar, commonly desired assessments of who you are. It's not who you really are, not what's important to you. They coax you into trance position, program you to follow THEIR path for you. Make suggestions in order to define, control and entrap you. They want you to be their slave.

Listen to their lies as they try to lead your subconscious with compliments, flattery, suggestions... Awareness is a great place to start. Once you know what they're doing, they lose power over you. Don't turn back and look at them, you will turn to salt.

Spit out the "validation" of the narcissist. The compliments they give, the suggestions, the ideas, the affirmations. They're trying to take over your I AM, your sense of self. Your being. They want to get out ahead of where you are going and growing. They want to take you over and stunt your growth. They want your growth to be their narcissistic supply. They want to destroy you. It's evil.

This type of mind-control is subconscious, hardly visible to the naked eye, unless you are very conscious.

They try to tell you who you are, and if you were raised in a narcissistic environment, then you give over the controls to your personal operation when someone comes around sounding definite. You have been programmed to hand over the controls whenever someone comes in with cunning speech, waxing poetically about some attribute that's so great about you--something you never cared about. Suddenly, you are fooled into believing that is something you wanted, needed, requested, require.. when truth is, you don't want or need that shit at all.

Narcissists give you validation that you don't need. They are off. They are not authentic, not real. They are plastic. They're rote. Broken record, "One Hit Wonder." They have one mode, "Get narcissistic supply." They have one mode: MANIPULATION.

If they were to actually validate something real, then you would grow and become more. They do not want your growth AT ALL. Your growth is their demise. They will never truly validate you, unless they have to in order to love bomb you, or unless they need to validate you so they can control you more and take you down later. In the end, no matter what, you're going down.

But I'm specifically talking about the control tactic of the manipulator where they validate and compliment an area that is meaningless to you... That if you look closely you can see the program. If you are meeting your own needs you don't need the empty words of the narcissist. Don't believe their lies. Don't follow their compliments off the cliff. Don't let go of yourself.

Know who you are. Don't let anyone define you. Don't go out into the world needing compliments, affirmation or any of that. It is not safe to rely on other people to tell you who you are. You've got to figure that out on your own. Tell the world who you are. 

If someone repeatedly compliments odd ball things about you, make a mental note. Is this person trying to manipulate you? It's so subtle! It's so covert!!! But it can take you off your path. If you aren't strong in what matters to you, you can be removed from the driver seat of your own existence.




Friday, July 6, 2018

Escape the Fog of Admiration

This is an article I'm reading as I delve into deeper healing with reference to idealization of others.

The vital need of each child is to be valued, seen and appreciated. When children are responded to with respect, love and joy, their sense of self and self-worth flourish. If this need is crushed, its unfulfilled anguish drives us into the fog of admiration. Either we turn into self-obsessed admiration-addicts that cannot tolerate in others thoughts and feelings that deviate from what we expect of them. Or we become devoted servants who believe that their life has meaning only when they bestow admiration upon those that crave it. Children's self-worth is crushed and their strength perverted into the coercion to please if they do not receive joyous appreciation. Parts, soaked with the anguish of being unwelcome and rejected since life's beginning, were silenced by other parts that want to protect us from this pain and buy into the corruption that admiration sustains relationships and grants a sense of worth. The experience of love is replaced by the compulsion to admire and the illusion that admiration endows us with love.

http://screamsfromchildhood.com/escape_admiration.html

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Fear and Self Worth

BELIEF IN YOURSELF is your perceived level of worthiness to get what you want. Fear is resistance to what is wanted and the focus upon what is unwanted. Fear is the mental practice of doubt and unbelief--anti-belief. When you feel unworthy or undeserving, fear fills in the gap between the truth of who you are and the lies you've accepted. Fear keeps you in a holding pattern by limiting the belief you need to manifest what you want. The good news is, fear points directly to the false belief that holds you back, so it can be used as a guide. Transform your fear into FAITH by realizing the truth of who you are. You are the powerful creator of your own experience. 
I wrote this on May 17, 2014 as a Facebook Post. Found it in memories and decided to post it here.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

You Can't Change People



When you realize that you can't change other people, and you accept that they are who they are and it's not your job, or your place to change them, you can learn to let go of people who are not giving you what you need; or requiring you to do all the work; or are causing you to be less-than. You can let go of these people and begin to embrace new relationships that are more healthy. New relationships where you are valued, validated and respected.

 It's a great indicator of your path. When you're able to determine what is good for you and what is not, your path lights up and you get out of old negative patterns of relating onto new nourishing experiences. You are no longer stuck. You build new neural pathways in your mind towards your own betterment. It's a beautiful process of learning to love yourself by saying no to the bad stuff and yes to the good stuff.

 This will feel uncomfortable at first. It will feel "off" because maybe you've been habituated to following patterns of self loathing and self harm. But if you trust your path, and persevere towards the good, then you will say goodbye to that old identity (in a loving way) and hello to the new, true identity which was yours all along.

You may be afraid to walk away from your old way of relating because you may be afraid of the unknown--also, your brain may be trained to go towards your current comfort zone. You have to retrain your brain. You have to learn to listen to your intuition which will tell you when you feel mistreated, and even if that mistreatment feels most comfortable, you listen to your truth. You take a leap of faith--trusting yourself.

You can also learn to love others who are close to you for who they are... especially those you must deal with in life, like parents. When you know what's right and wrong for you, you can set boundaries externally and emotional limits internally in a way that lets you stay safe and meet them where they are. You only do this with close family--new relationships need to adhere to your new levels--or remain acquaintances. The key is you stay neutral, not clinging to or pushing away negative people.

There are so many mental and emotional processes that can get in the way of this healing, but it's worth it to learn about everything. It's worth the effort to pull yourself out of the pit and to heal. You deserve a happy life.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Help! I Feel Like I'm Not Good Enough


The reason you feel like you're not good enough is because you were conditioned to feel that way in childhood and you have continued to wear that false identity to this day. Someone who raised you needed you not to feel good enough because it made him/her/them feel a sense of self esteem. The path to healing is to detach yourself from your identification with this original negative programming. You have to externalize the reason why you feel that way, and internalize the truth by being there for your inner child. You are good enough, but only you can realize that. No one can tell you. You have to realize it for yourself as you realize the truth about the intentions of the people who raised you--whether intentional or not.

Sometimes it's safer to feel less than than it is to face the truth that the people who raised you were wrong. You are good enough. They were wrong, not you.

In fact, you're so damn good, you've been holding their projections all your life! You're not just good enough--you're more than good enough. You've been doing ALL THE WORK. Let it go! Become identified with your true self. The pain of not feeling good enough is the indication that your soul is believing a lie. You're punching yourself inside. Stop it. See that it's learned feelings. It's not the real you. It's not your truth. Your truth is that you're good enough. When you know that, the pain will stop. And you will soar.