Friday, March 15, 2013

The Price of Forgiveness is Not Your Dignity

The price of forgiveness is not your dignity. So often we think that we must forgive, and that means we must remove our boundaries and let the forgiven one back in the same spot. That is not forgiveness, that's being a doormat. 
Forgiveness does not preclude having boundaries and protecting yourself. Even when you forgive another person, you always keep yourself intact. You don't ever give up your identity, your intuition, your dignity for anything. 
Yes, forgive, but keep yourself safe from being diminished, devalued or steamrolled in the future. Forgive, but keep your voice. Keep demanding what you need and requiring respectful treatment. Forgive, but don't be afraid to do so at a distance. Jenna Ryan

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Haters: Boxing With Shadows

Haters: Boxing with Shadows #psychology #philosophy #haters

I think haters are haters because they cannot see the truth. They don't realize the beauty of who they are. They cannot tolerate their own shadows, their own perceived badness, so they project their negative attributes onto others, releasing the tension they cannot bare. They point to others and aggressively attack them with intention to harm. Their goal is to inoculate their victims with fear, to maintain equality, regulate their emotions, exert control over their environment and boost their own self esteem--however tenuous.

It's true what Carl Gustav Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” And everything that others are irritated about can lead us to a better understanding of them too. The things that others are irritated about give insight into their hearts and minds, telling of their level of personal enlightenment, growth and maturity.

We're all at different places. Some choose to step out of the transaction; to live in real-time, facing reality with the accompanying pain, and reigning over their own cognitive bias. Courageous souls in the midst of overcoming weaknesses, embracing the obstacles, on the path to finding the beauty of truth that lies like buried treasure beneath their own defenses.

Others stay on the lower plane of finger pointing, fault-finding, with an outer-locus of control, missing the milestones of growth until they whither like a rosebud failing to bloom.

And that is, growth. Growth to Love. And I believe we are all growing, if we allow it; to a greater place of love and acceptance of ourselves and others. I believe love is the ultimate force in the universe, the force that holds it all together. Any time we feel need to lash out at others or downgrade another person, it seems to me a diversion, or distraction from the true essence of love. Our true purpose on this earth is to learn how to let love flow purely through us. #philosophy

It is the blocking of love that harms us. It is the denial of reality that leads to pain. Focusing outwardly is ground warfare. Rising above the fleshly antics of the desperate ego's attempt to gain approval is the road less traveled. Using our cerebral cortex to rise above our instinctive lower-brain leads to maturity, individuation and inner peace.

We must learn to love the beauty in others, the truth in others, authenticity. We must support one another as we reach for the understanding of truth and love. It is an illusion that we are separate. We're all connected, joined in myriad ways--locked for better or worse--on this planet together. We need each other.

We must fight the battle in our own hearts against jealousy and envy of the good fortune of others, because, it is your own heart that either allows or repels the blessing in your own life. There is enough to go around, so long as you'll allow it. You can't hate another and love yourself.

It is not possible. You cannot wish ill on another and not become ill yourself. It is not possible.

Haters should focus on their own selves instead of turning the self-object into a 3rd party. They should accept their bad parts, realizing that it's not so bad after all. That beneath all the fear and shame and guilt, at the core of their being, therein lies an infinite supply of pure love. If only they spend their energy searching and finding the beauty in their own hearts rather than boxing with shadows they can never hit.