The False Self

The False Self.  I've come to understand the False Self as a part of yourself that tries to be something other than who you are in effort to gain acceptance and approval from others. This is the heart of codependence. When you're more concerned with what others think of you than following your own truth, you are codependent on outside input.

Another term for this condition is having an external locus of control. This state is very painful because one can never control the actions and reactions of others. If you're self-love and identity hinges on what others think, you're self worth fluctuates depending on whether you're accepted, rejected, approved or disregarded.

The False Self is the part of you that is playing a part. Your mask. It's the part that is trying to earn approval, to get love. The False Self cannot ever get love because true love flows from within, from your very essence. The False Self can only get false love which is conditional and leaves you feeling invisible and empty. ~ jlr 


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Sharing our wounded ego selves is sharing who we have created ourselves to be to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. There is no reality, no truth, no authenticity to our ego wounded self. Authentic connection is not possible from an inauthentic part of ourselves. No matter how much you may want the joy of authentic connection with your partner or others, it cannot occur until you authentically connect with yourself.

~ Dr. Marget Paul