Sunday, August 4, 2013

Taking the Leap from False Love to Real Love

Just as there is such a thing as a real self and a false self, there is real love and false love. Your real self is who you really are, without any molding your thoughts, feelings and behaviors to earn love. Your real self is spontaneous, alive and vibrant. A false self is created when you're focus is outside of yourself. When you're living for the approval of others, changing to be what you think others want you to be; not being true to you, rigid and false.

Real love is when you love without control, when your aim is giving instead of taking, unconditional. Real love is when you're accepted just as you are, imperfections and all. False love is when you desire make others love you, to control their thoughts, to be perfect enough to earn love and to be found worthy.

If you live from a false self, which is rooted in perfectionism and people pleasing, all you can do is take from others. The false self has nothing to offer but false love. What a sad place to be! You fear losing the approval of others because you wrongly believe your worth is wrapped up in what others think.

Living from your real self, which is rooted in unconditional acceptance, you're not afraid to lose the love of others because your self worth does not depend on any outside source. You do not engage in people pleasing behaviors because you have confidence in your own worth. You are rooted in grounded within your own heart. You trust your own voice and know that you are worthwhile. You are able to share this real love with others in your life out of the abundance of what is already inside of you.

You don't have to change who you are in order to be loved.
You are lovable just as you are...
Your expressions are uniquely you, and you are fine the way you are.
You are beautiful inside and out.
You are enough.
You don't have to add on to you anything else.
You don't have to overcompensate.
You are not deficit.
You are abundantly abundant, a radiant light of truth.
You are okay.

You don't need people in your life who try to change you.
You don't need people in your life who convey that who you are is not enough.
You don't need people in your life to watch your performance.
You don't need anyone who loves you falsely.
You don't need anyone who places conditions on you for acceptance.

Practice being who you really are.

Get out of your comfort zone and express your truth and share your reality. Go against the grain of who and how everyone around you--including society--prefers that you be. Be you--really BE YOU. It may be scary at first. You will get better with practice.

Center yourself inside. Get to know who you really are and how you really feel. Take your energy ad focus inside instead of outside. They can never do for you what you need done. You are in charge of determining your own worth, peace, happiness and joy. Get to know your heart. Give yourself the attention you deserve. Begin to accept yourself for who you are and express yourself openly. Make a pact with yourself that you will no longer adapt to earn love. You are lovely and wanted. You have what it takes.

Taking the leap from your false self to your real self, and to real love from false love is a giant process. It requires discipline and persistence. It hurts sometimes. Not everyone accepts you and that can be painful. But you don't need them anyway. If you are not loved for who you are, then you're not loved at all. Don't worry, you grow stronger as you take risks, letting your real self shine though little-by-little. Give yourself a break.

You will make mistakes along the way... You may deny your real self since that's what you've been trained to do. (At least you're noticing!) You may become confused as to what is the real you and what is not you... It takes work to untangle your feelings. You may not even know yet where you stop and they begin. It takes courage to face the original pain that caused you to build a false self in the beginning. Do not give up! Keep fighting! Keep digging out of the hole. Your real self is down there, deep inside... Let it out! Let yourself SHINE!

Learn to bare with the pain and not run away. You will not die. Every time you face your fears of losing love for being who you are, and you choose your own side, you grow stronger.

You are worthy of love just the way you are, flaws and all. Set boundaries around yourself with others that honor your unique self. Remove people from your life who expect you to be perfect. Set boundaries with those operating from a false self and giving you false love. Break the pattern of performance. Love yourself for who you are and require that others do the same.

Be mindful of what you're giving and receiving. Take notes of your thoughts. Keep a journal. Find supporters. Read books. Peruse blogs. Commit to finding out and expressing who you truly are...

This is the essence of Self Love. You had it in you all along.

1 comment:

  1. Great article, very insightful. I'm going to use it for the resource of the day for the episode I'm putting together today, Day 79.