When you are entering into a dating relationship, it's important to get clear with the other person just what is going on with you in your heart, where the two of you stand and where you are going. This is what boundaries are all about; clearly defining your own self relative to the other party.
Coming from a place of zero self love and boundaries, I simply did not have the skills to know my own boundary needs--much less assert my boundaries and set limits with my romantic partners. I wanted so much to be loved that I basically gave myself away for nothing. This is not sexually speaking, but everything. Rather than offend the person I wanted in my life, I would comply with their wishes and not say a word. Inside my heart would cry out, but I could barely hear what it needed. My relationships never quite worked out the way it should. I was a doormat.
This led to much frustration in my life and needless heartache. Finally, I started to understand what boundaries are all about, although, it's always a progressive endeavor to clarify my feelings and express my needs effectively. Having boundaries is a requirement for having a healthy relationship--the better your boundaries, the more of you there is to love and receive love.
This article will discuss setting boundaries in a dating situation. Here are a few things I've learned about setting boundaries in dating that are crucial to success:
1. Don't be afraid of talking to the other party to define where you two stand at any time. You have a right to know! Don't hide yourself under a barrel and allow the relationship to ebb endlessly out of your control. You need to take the reigns and clarify exactly what is going on. Will boundaries spoil the mystery and romance? Perhaps, but it is more important that you're grounded in reality than mystery, in my opinion.
Coming from a place of zero self love and boundaries, I simply did not have the skills to know my own boundary needs--much less assert my boundaries and set limits with my romantic partners. I wanted so much to be loved that I basically gave myself away for nothing. This is not sexually speaking, but everything. Rather than offend the person I wanted in my life, I would comply with their wishes and not say a word. Inside my heart would cry out, but I could barely hear what it needed. My relationships never quite worked out the way it should. I was a doormat.
This led to much frustration in my life and needless heartache. Finally, I started to understand what boundaries are all about, although, it's always a progressive endeavor to clarify my feelings and express my needs effectively. Having boundaries is a requirement for having a healthy relationship--the better your boundaries, the more of you there is to love and receive love.
This article will discuss setting boundaries in a dating situation. Here are a few things I've learned about setting boundaries in dating that are crucial to success:
1. Don't be afraid of talking to the other party to define where you two stand at any time. You have a right to know! Don't hide yourself under a barrel and allow the relationship to ebb endlessly out of your control. You need to take the reigns and clarify exactly what is going on. Will boundaries spoil the mystery and romance? Perhaps, but it is more important that you're grounded in reality than mystery, in my opinion.
- So, is this a date?
- Are we exclusive, or are we seeing other people?
- Are you looking for a long-term relationship?
- I don't take phone calls after 10pm.
- If you want to communicate with me, I prefer you call me on the phone than text all the time.
- I am available after 6pm if you'd like to give me a call.
- I can only speak for a few moments.
- I drink Pinot Grigio.
- I prefer that we not drive around all evening.
- I'd prefer we date more in person before we get really involved in phone conversations.
- Don't give in, even if he or she insists.
- Don't placate someone trying to override your boundaries.
- Remember, they are watching you! Train them right.
- Take breaks no matter how much you like the person.
- Step back and take the space you need to consider what is happening.
- Pull yourself back to yourself rather than going into fantasy-land about your partner.
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