You Have Permission

Growing up the way I did, with a step-father who was a huge disciplinarian to the point of being abusive, I learned somehow that my lot in life was to be sad, bad and undeserving. I was conditioned to believe that I couldn't have fun, couldn't enjoy my life, couldn't embrace the totality of my vitality. He forced me to deny my pleasure, deny my wants, needs and anything that made me individual.

As an adult who is healing, I see that in many ways I've carried this abusive, punishing parental figure with me in my heart. This voice I cannot hear, but that underlies my thoughts, feelings and beliefs. This voice tells me that it's not okay to be happy. It's not okay to be equal. It's not okay to enjoy life. It's not okay to be who I am. This critical voice tells me that it's not okay to shine. Not okay to experience my truth.

While soul searching I found the root of this voice, the one that tells me that I deserve to be punished, that I am unworthy and incapable of complete fulfillment. I discovered that beneath the lies that I was taught to believe about myself there is a core of pure love--the source of my existence. This pure love, this source, this truth of who I am was not thwarted by the false teachings. This truth of who I am was only silenced for a time, but it is still alive and well. This is my personal power. Now that I am aware, I can tap into this truth and experience it in some ways for the first time.

The truth is that I AM WORTHY. I am pure love. I am valuable. I am capable. I am competent. I am equal to the rest of humanity. I am able to experience pure joy and pure bliss. I am able to tap into this truth of who I am and allow every part of me to live fully and experience this truth that is me.

I have permission from my truth, this source of my existence to be who I am. All I need to do is realize it. The punishing father taught me to deny my truth, to deny my right to completeness. Though I was taught to deny my essence, today I have the power and authority to override the negative voices and give myself permission to be who I am. Today I give myself permission to be happy, to live fully and to be equal. You can too.