Monday, May 12, 2014

Fear of Abandonment

Loving Yourself and fear of abandonment do not mix. A person who loves themselves does not fear being abandoned. If you have a fear of abandonment, it means you do not love yourself. The two are mutually exclusive. If you panic at the thought of being rejected and abandoned by the one you love, and it causes you to cling and create a fantasy-bond, then you can be sure that you and your relationship are headed off a cliff.

When a child is wounded through neglect or abuse, his boundaries are violated. This sets the child up for fears of being either abandoned or engulfed. When he has a sense of self-value and self confidence, he doesn't fear being abandoned. 

- John Bradshaw, "Homecoming"

No one can love you if you fear they'll leave you. Love is the absence of fear. Love casts out fear. Love ebbs and it flows. The tide comes in and the tide goes. You can't be afraid of the natural order of life... Learn to let go.

You have to face your fear of abandonment, go with it to the pit, see that it won't kill you to be abandoned. You will rise again. You're like the Terminator. Abandonment won't kill you--but the fear of it will destroy your relationships and self esteem.

Breathe deep & stand firm. Hold yourself when you're afraid. Remember you're not a fragmented part, you are a whole person with a whole life ahead of you. You may have been abandoned as a child, but that can never happen again. You're an adult and you can take care of yourself. The only one who can abandon you now is you.

Great article on healing the abandonment core wound: The Spirit of Ma'at - Abandonment Abyss.

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