Friday, January 31, 2014

Healthy Functioning in Relationships

Any time you tolerate disrespectful treatment from others, you are abandoning yourself by abdicating your role as your own protector. It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter if the other person's actions are intentional. Disrespect is disrespect and you do not deserve it. It is your responsibility to stand up for yourself, protect yourself and even walk away from those who do not treat you with dignity. If you try to function in situations where you're being disregarded, you will suffer.

Healthy, functioning people treat others well. They know themselves, have healthy boundaries and do not in fear of abandonment or engulfment. Those who are still wounded from childhood are often incapable of functioning in equal, healthy relationships. Wounded people use walls for boundaries, or have no boundaries at all. Wounded people do not know who they are, do not love themselves, and so are incapable of the give and take that a real relationship requires.

If you are on the road to recovery, you may encounter other wounded people. As for me, my heart resounds with wounded people because I know exactly how they feel--however, I had to learn that I cannot relate with them. It's difficult because I understand people who have unhealed wounds, but to try to relate with them in a meaningful way is impossible because I can't fix them. We all are responsible for fixing ourselves. Some people will never be healed. They may always feel that they're worthless, unlovable, flawed and rejected. That's sad.

Health Functioning Requires these things:

1. Authenticity, Honesty, Courage
2. Communication, Feedback
3. Empathy, Consideration
4. Time, Attention
5. Resilience, Consistency

The wounded person--whom I used to be--cannot handle honesty. Life is too frightening. They can't communicate because their wounds keep them wrapped in lies of what may happen if they are rejected, or say the wrong thing. They do not have empathy or consideration because they are too wrapped up in themselves. They have a warped sense of time and are too self-focused to care about others. I know what it's like to be wounded. It's hard to function, so you just rather be alone. It's important that you learn to love yourself and become aware of your true inner beauty and power so that you can begin functioning with others in a meaningful way.

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