Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Toxic Shame is Self Blame

Toxic shame is the result of childhood abuse in the most important formative years, between the ages of 0 to 7. Toxic shame is the residue of neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Toxic shame is what comes in place of love, trust, security, peace and contentment. Toxic shame is, in effect, a child and later adult blaming herself.

Toxic shame never goes away. It fills the holes left behind from unmet childhood developmental needs. The little human takes all the blame from the abusive adult, primary caregiver especially.

A child cannot bare to know that its caretakers are abusive or wrong in anyway, because their brains and psyche's aren't formed yet.  Instead of seeing things clearly a child's mind automatically takes the blame for every bad thing done to it and subconsciously HATES HIMSELF FOR IT. So, the child not only hurts from the abuse itself and lack of needs being met, but the child also takes on the shame of the caretakers and blames themselves for everything. This is very hard on the mind, however, it's better than crashing the harddrive. This process allows the child to mature, while repressing the truth of what's really happening to a later date, when, hopefully, the adult can handle it better. The truth, that is.

This toxic shame is like a green gunk haze over the lives of the survivor / adult. It colors everything in a negative light. You see yourself in some present-day situations as if there was something horribly wrong with you, because you're triggered back to this place of toxic shame. You feel like you're to blame, it's all your fault, and like you're supposed to fix everything, control everything...

You do anything to rid yourself of the pain of toxic shame, seek external sources of approval, relationship addiction, toxic relationships, drugs, drinking, gambling, obsessions and the like.

But there is nothing that fills the gap. The only thing that heals toxic shame is recognizing it, facing the truth, grieving your losses and meeting yourself with loving compassion. You have to show the child inside your heart the truth once and for all.

You can be healed from toxic shame. You can feel better in all areas of your life; don't settle for less. Get the help and healing you need.

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