Sunday, March 13, 2016

Narcissists Lead You With Your Own Shame

The narc appeals to the false self, but cuts you at the true self. They can only get a wounded person, a person with a wounded, shame-covered true self. If you want to get free, you have to build your self esteem by removing the layers of shame from your true self.
The narcissist will lead you around by the neck using your own shame as a muzzle. If you want to be free of your bond with narcissists, then deal with your own shame. Then the narcs have no way to get power over you. Process your own weak spots, that is, shame, so you can be protected from exploitation. 

When you are ashamed of who you are as a person, you create a false self. Your true self goes into hiding because of a feeling called shame. A false self rises up to cover the shame core. This is not real shame, but toxic shame which is born of childhood abuse (emotional, sexual, physical, psychological).

The false self is the part of you that is fooled by the narcissist. The false self, the ego, so to speak... the part of you that compares yourself to others. The part of you that's always on the lookout to get love or mourn for love that's gone... the part of you that thinks it's nothing without external validation... people pleaser, that's the only part of you that can be fooled into a narcissistic traps.
That part of you exists because of shame. Shame that you are no good inside. This is a lie that is embedded into children who are neglected and abused. Instead of love and getting your needs met as a child, you were left with shame, pain and anguish.

True narcissists have so much of the false self, they can't go near it. Others who are codependent have a false self that's easier to dismantle.

Shame is what you have to face at the core.

You have to keep returning to it again and again. Thinking about it, embracing it, writing about it, doing art, processing it, talk therapy, reading books, just massaging that bullshit right out of your system until in your eyes you see it as a speck on a giant earth from outer space. Until it no longer phases you.

Break off the shame by

1. Noticing it.
2. Embracing it.
3. Separating yourself from it.
4. Positive Self Talk
5. Self Compassion/ Empathy

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