Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Old Habits Die Hard

You learn much on the path to healing, awakening to truth and becoming whole and mature. You gain insight that helps you know what's really happening, to understand what life is doing to you, to wisely divide truth from fiction. You learn, you really do. As you venture out beyond your comfort zone to reach new heights in your life, you get the hard-to-reach truth that many can't grasp. You earned it. You get it--it being the power that comes with greater understanding... However, as you're learning and growing and becoming an enlightened being, able to experience the fullness that life has to offer, you will accidentally fall back into old modes of being, following out-dated schemas that no longer serve you--why? Because that's what you know. It's a habit to be where you were...

Have you ever learned something for a definite fact, but then fallen back into a way of being--how you were before you knew the truth? This is natural in the growth process. It's almost like we need to go back and see the scene before we can let it go, process it and move forward.

When you love yourself you don't need outside approval. When you operate from an internal Locus of Control, you don't need to control and manipulate others to get your needs met. When you know who you are, you don't need to do the things you used to do to make up for that lack of knowledge. All these things are true, but once you've learned to love yourself, you may find yourself acting in old ways in order to get old needs met that are no longer essential. Your behavior is a habit that is no longer serving you.

Once you love yourself, you have to find a whole new way of being, thinking, acting and reacting. Coming from brokenness, darkness and into the light of love and wholeness requires new modes of operating, new ways of thinking. You don't need the things you used to think you needed. You don't have to adjust yourself to fit the dimensions of other people. You don't have to comply with others who wish you to be something that you are not. You don't need what people who don't accept and love you have to offer. You don't need to fix anything outside of yourself once you've come to love who you are.

Loving yourself involves light, easy action that ebbs and flows spontaneously in the moment; it doesn't cling tightly to anything outside, but simply enjoys all that comes and goes. Loving yourself means that you accept reality for what it is, and you trust yourself to handle all that happens with grace, class and finesse. You no longer need to hang onto people, places or things in order to give yourself value.

So, here's to learning how to BE a person who loves yourself, who is strong enough to face the good and the bad without fear, and being open to new life. Learning to live in this new way takes practice, but soon the old ways of being will drift away, leaving room for greater fulfillment.

  (And repeating the patterns was not a sign that she had not grown.  This was a new opportunity for growth at a higher level of consciousness for her – a perfect part of her growth process, not some regression or slip into old behavior.  We make progress gradually.) Robert Burnley, Fear of Intimacy, The Wounded Heart of Codependency 

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