Should You Embrace Or Reject Your Inner Critic?

This is an excerpt of a blog comment I just wrote on a beautiful blog post. I thought it may be helpful for you. See original comment.  And please leave me a comment or send me a private message on the SelfLoveU Facebook Page telling me how this work is affecting you (I am the only one who sees it and your message will be confidential, unless you give me permission to share). I love hearing from you. It keeps me going.

Embrace the negative or eject it? I know it’s important that we embrace our whole selves, however, I feel that parts of us that are divided against the well being of the whole (even if they’re trying to protect us), should be kicked out, separated, banished, shoved against the wall, kicked to the moon.

That Imago Interject is the voice of the abuse. It’s insidious. When you are hurting inside and in pain because of something your subconscious is telling you… things you were taught about yourself as a child, under all the layers, keep repeating themselves over and over and repeating the trauma. We’re programmed to do it to ourselves. The pain our wounded child feels is the result of these false messages. It’s despair.

There is no power in despair. But, there is power in anger. Even the body response is different, more alert, upright and ready for action. Tapping into our anger inside against the false messages that are inside. Getting mad at the injustice our own hearts spew without conscious awareness. Standing up to the Inner Critic has helped me to access my own power and given me the ability to set boundaries within and without against criticism and conditional love.

My Inner Critic is never sad, confused or angry. It is just cognitively and constantly saying that I’m not good enough. It doesn’t go that deep, however, it wounds deep. My Inner Critic is not in my limbic, it’s in my Cerebral Cortex. It’s the judgment piece, which takes critical thinking, which is higher level, more cerebral than the wounds of my inner child (the emotional part).

I love the way Peter Walker, MA Psychotherapist explains how to deal with the inner critic. I’ve read it many, many times.

http://www.pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm

Once I started rebelling against the negative inner voices, I stopped hurting. There was no hurt in that area for the inner child to be hurt. It feels like I embraced the hurt not by holding onto it, but by kicking butt internally. Stopping the bleeding. Standing up to the Inner Critic has made all the difference. 1000s of little hurts, but one at a time.

What is Your Value?

What is your value? How do you rate yourself in the scheme of things? How do you positioned YOURSELF in light of all the distractions and matters to which you must attend? Where are YOU in the equation? How do you fare? Are you at the bottom of your own mental list? Do you fluctuate depending on your mood? Are you knocked down when imperfections surface? Do you exist at all?

This is the question to ask.

There are schools of thought that would argue against self-ranking altogether, and I must admit, there is some merit in that. However, when it comes down to day-to-day living, there is a need to put priorities on everything. You, your needs, the needs of others, the needs of your family, society, the world. In determining which needs come first, you must somehow rank--despite what people say the negative aspects of ranking bring. At the end of the day, you only have so much life, so much time.

When it comes to you, what is your value?

Are you like a rock that can easily be passed by; is it easy to not notice you, or are you like a beautiful diamond that makes cars come to a screeching halt in order to gaze upon your beauty? I'm not asking from an external prospective. I'm not talking about your physicality. I'm talking about you, how you see you and how you treat you.

We are conditioned as children how to see ourselves. If our caretakers relished in our presence, honored our existence, made time for us, paid attention to us, showered us with love and affection, then we would have a healthy appreciation for ourselves today. This appreciation would be solid, not fluctuating, and would be sound. We would be able to forgive ourselves our weaknesses and shortcomings, knowing that love is not lost when we are human.

If, on the other hand, we were not appreciated, not loved, not cherished, not treasured in childhood, but, treated as a nuisance or burden, headache or mistake, then we will not have a very good opinion of our value as adults. How we are, how we feel about ourselves as adults, how we function in relationships, how we do what we do, all has roots in childhood. We were either loved and valued, or we were left wanting, needing and longing for validation.

In growing beyond the past into the light of our own self love, it is necessary to reparent ourselves; we must remind ourselves, tell ourselves that we are worthwhile, loved and appreciated. We must replace the negative messages going through our minds with positive, affirming, life-giving kindness that emanates from our own souls. We must get to a place where we can honestly meet our own needs and encourage the broken places inside our own hearts that never heard the truth. YOU ARE WORTHY.

Jenna Ryan 2013