Trust Life and Let Go

So much of it has to do with lack of trust in life. It's like I used to feel I had to cling onto what I had because I'd never get another chance at love--but this is catastrophic thinking. I had to learn to breathe deep and trust life. There is no other way because the truth is... Love is right around the corner. In fact YOU ARE LOVE. You can trust life. You can trust God. You can trust the Universe. You can let go. You can detach. You survive on your own. You can stand on your own two feet without falling. So you want love, then love will come, no worries, but you have to learn to let go first. Learning to love is about letting go and trusting that it will come back to you. Loving yourself enough to tolerate limbo through self soothing... Enjoying now instead of clamoring for yesterday. Have faith that you'll get another chance-and another--and another--and another... We get to fall down a million times if needed to learn how to love, how to connect and how to relate. There is always another chance so long as we're breathing. "Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." And there is a net underneath us that catches us gracefully each time we fall. So let go, let yourself fall...fall...fall...allow yourself to feel the pain of falling without holding onto the sides (or onto your man or woman). Just let go and experience that which you fear and you will find that at the very bottom, all the way down, down, down... that YOU are there at the bottom and you will pick yourself back up. Let go, fall, trust, rise again knowing that you're strong enough to fall without clinging. You can detach. You can tolerate what's there. And there is always another chance.

Let Go of Control

One of life's greatest challenges is reaching the place where you know, with your whole being, that Spirit is supporting and guiding you toward the highest good of your soul. When you know this, you finally let go of control - you let go and let God. This is challenging because the ego wounded self does not want to let go of control, and will take every opportunity to undermine your knowingness. Awareness of this inner battle is essential to healing.

~ InnerBonding

A codependent person is one who has a need to control everything and everyone around them. Codependency is a disease that is fostered by our society. Underlying the maladaption is the belief that you can't trust life; that you can't trust anything... that you must work hard to make people like you, to hide who you really are, to keep from getting hurt. The internal message of codependency is that you are not enough--you must do a bunch of extra stuff to get your needs met. What happens is you end up with a tangled mess. It makes a person indirect, controlling and manipulative.

I used to be a controlling type of person. I didn't think I was. It didn't seem like I was controlling. Back then I thought controlling was when you tell other people what to do, but that's not always the best sign of a controlling person. A controlling person can be passive or outright. It's all about how you view your effectiveness in life. Whether you believe you are enough just being you, or that you are inherently flawed.

Examples of Codependent Control

• Removing a friend from your life because your crush thinks she's pretty.
• Buying a friend expensive gifts, giving them stuff or paying for everything.
• Talking behind someone's back about an offense rather than confronting directly.
• Settling for a guy you don't respect in order to be in a relationship.
• Spending time scheming to prevent some connection from happening between others.
• Denying your own need to be respected by hiding some truth about yourself.
• Being friends with someone you don't like in order to get near another person.
• Spending energy concocting ways to get another person to like you. 
• Having an agenda of any kind in relationship.
• Being friends with someone to learn secrets to advance yourself. 
• Enabling a drug addict or alcoholic in their addiction.
• Playing the martyr.  
• Being upset when someone doesn't like you or isn't into you.
• Hanging onto someone who is not hanging onto you.
• Being in love with an unavailable person. 
• Hiding who you really are out of fear others won't like you.
• Not liking another person because he or she is friends with someone you don't like.
• Trying to get your girlfriends or mate not to like someone because you don't like them. 
• Sacrificing your values to make money or advance yourself socially. 
• Excluding others from your life out of fear that he/she may take what's yours.
• Being suspicious of the motives of others.
• Thinking that the world is out to get you so you better "get yours" however you can. 
• Punishing someone to get them way they're supposed to act.
• Acting fake in order to fit into a group.
• Pretending not to like another person just to fit in.
• Not telling your hair stylist that you dislike your color so as not to make her upset. 
• Feeling worthless because another person doesn't recognize your fabulousness. 
• Spending too much time worrying about how another person feels when you've set a boundary for yourself.
• Doing things to make people like you.

What are some other ways of controlling behavior? Manipulation? How have you used these tactics to control outcomes in your life? How have others used these tactics to control you?

REALITY CHECK: You can't control anybody or anything. Thinking that you can is mere delusion.


Today I am healed from the bulk of my codependency issues. Along with the healing has come a naturalness and beingness that is more spontaneous and less fake. I do things today in real time instead of out of a false self or wounded ego self that's trying to hide who I really am. Today I know that I cannot control outcomes and anything I can control is not something I want anyway. My worth doesn't come from other people and what other people do is none of my business.

Loving yourself involves light, easy action that ebbs and flows spontaneously in the moment; it doesn't cling tightly to anything outside, but simply enjoys all that comes and goes. Loving yourself means that you accept reality for what it is, and you trust yourself to handle all that happens with grace, class and finesse. You know that everything in life is for your highest good. You go with the flow. You no longer need to hang onto people, places or things in order to give yourself value.

Facing the fact that I was actually controlling and manipulative was hard. Nobody wants to admit that about themselves. But like Dr. Margaret says above, letting go of control is essential to healing. You don't have to orchestrate situations. Just live spontaneously. Let go and let God. 

Your Highest Good

What is best for you is not always the most comfortable. What is best for you, in fact, sometimes hurts. No matter what, it's important to realize that life is guiding you to your Highest Good. It is up to you to follow that guidance, though many times we fight it.

Defining your Highest Good is not easy, and it's a concept that unfolds as you embrace it. The key is to embrace it and learn to trust that life is on your side. God is on your side. Events ARE ON YOUR SIDE. Everything that happens in your life is FOR YOUR BENEFIT, believe it or not. We're dwelling in a giant classroom. This planet is a college of sorts where we are learning to be who we are. We are learning techniques that takes us somewhere--where? I'm not ready to talk about that one yet. For now, let's examine your Highest Good.

Growing up in a dysfunctional environment like I did, it is difficult to ascertain that life is working out for your highest good. It's easy to become a victim. It's easy to blame others and situations for your negative outlook. Who can blame you? If you've been hurt, it's natural to withdraw. When you've been conditioned to expect bad things to occur, you may not have that sense of trust that things will work out for your good. You will expect the worst.

It's healthy to believe that things will work out for your highest good. People who are blessed to grow up in a healthy home environment naturally believe in their highest good. They EXPECT to get their needs met. They EXPECT to experience life in good terms. They have no doubt that things will work out and this belief becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

We get what we expect.

Trusting in your Highest Good is an exercise in gratitude. 

Your Highest Good is something you must learn to expect no matter how you were raised. It is in your power to rise above your original programming from your family origin. It's in your power to change your thoughts and your beliefs. You can start taking steps today to release yourself from a negative outlook and begin expecting life to turn out your way. It may take work and it may be challenging, but if you're dedicated, you can trust life to bring you more good than you've ever imagined.

What Happens When You Don't Trust Your Highest Good?

When you do not trust that things are working toward your highest good, it causes you to react to life with the expectation of failure. You see circumstances as strikes against you instead of opportunities for learning. You become ungrateful, instead of grateful for all things. You miss the lesson in the mistakes you make because you're too busy focusing on your dumb luck.

When you trust in your highest good, you can take the things that happen to you and turn them around for your benefit. If you experience a crappy relationship, you can use that experience as a lesson rather than a curse. You can swallow what happens to you as a step in the right direction--no matter what happens to you.

Trusting that you are being led to your highest good is liberating. It means that YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL. It means that YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY. It means that no matter what, you are heading in the right direction. Nothing can happen to you that you can't use for your journey; in fact, everything that happens to you is happening for a reason. You're either getting ahead, or you're learning for your next step.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purposes." Romans 8:28 This is a truth we can rely on. We can rely on God or our Higher Power to lead us and guide us to our Highest Good. Life is not against you. Life is for you. Things are not happening to you, no. You are WAY MORE IMPORTANT than that.

Knowing that life is for you, knowing that the universe is leading you to your Highest Good is liberating. It means you do not have to control. It means you do not have to manipulate or have an agenda. It means you don't need to sob or lose heart when someone walks out of your life. It means that good is right around the corner. You don't have to cling to today--you can let go and enjoy the ride. You can let go and look forward to tomorrow knowing that whatever happens--good or bad--will be in your best interest, and you can handle whatever comes your way.

You, my friend, are being divinely led whether you choose to realize it or not. You don't have to grab, cling, manipulate or control life. Everything outside of you is out of your control. All you and I must do is to TRUST LIFE to do what it needs to do to bring us where we're supposed to go. TRUST GOD to lead you and guide you and to take care of you--even if that means teaching you a lesson that hurts.
You are a valuable being--worth a lot. You are meant to be on this planet--you are not forgotten. You have a purpose on this earth, and that purpose will be worked out, if you relax and trust in your HIGHEST GOOD.