18 Schemas: Healing Your Negative Core Beliefs

This article shares the 18 schemas as referred to in my previous article. Schemas are networks of core beliefs that you hold about yourself based upon the meeting of your needs in childhood. If your needs were adequately met (or met good enough), then you will have healthy schemas--a positive view of yourself, others and life. If your childhood development needs were not properly met, or if you suffered from childhood trauma or abuse, neglect or suffered from a loss of a parent, then you will have beliefs about yourself that do not serve you. Negative core beliefs are the product of inadequate parenting.

When you do not get your needs met as a child, you determine that you're not worthy to be taken care of. Depending on which needs were thwarted, you may have several schemas--groups of negative core beliefs--that are working against you today.

It does not matter how things have changed in your life, if you do not heal the schema associated with the negative core beliefs you hold in your psyche, you will always have an underlying sense of defectiveness, inability or unlovability. Until you actively pursue healing to build a new schema in place of the old maladaptive beliefs, you are at mercy of old, archaic beliefs that are not valid, not logical and not true.

Here is a list of 18 Schemas from the website SchemaTherapy.comhttp://www.schematherapy.com/id73.htm.

1. ABANDONMENT /  INSTABILITY 
The perceived instability or unreliability of those available for support and connection. Involves the sense that significant others will not be able to continue providing emotional support, connection, strength, or practical protection because they are emotionally unstable and unpredictable (e.g., angry outbursts), unreliable, or erratically present; because they will die imminently; or because they will abandon the patient in favor of someone better.

2. MISTRUST / ABUSE
The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or take advantage.  Usually involves the perception that the harm is intentional or the result of unjustified and extreme negligence. May include the sense that one always ends up being cheated relative to others or "getting the short end of the stick."
3.  EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION
Expectation that one's desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others.  The three major forms of deprivation are:

A. Deprivation of Nurturance:  Absence of attention, affection, warmth, or companionship.

B. Deprivation of Empathy:  Absence of understanding, listening, self-disclosure, or mutual sharing of feelings from others.

C. Deprivation of Protection:  Absence of strength, direction, or guidance from others.
 
4.  DEFECTIVENESS / SHAME
The feeling that one is defective, bad, unwanted, inferior, or invalid in important respects; or that one would be unlovable to significant others if exposed. May involve hypersensitivity to criticism, rejection, and blame; self-consciousness, comparisons, and insecurity around others; or a sense of shame regarding one's perceived flaws. These flaws may be private (e.g., selfishness, angry impulses, unacceptable sexual desires) or public (e.g., undesirable physical appearance, social awkwardness).

5.  SOCIAL ISOLATION / ALIENATION  
The feeling that one is isolated from the rest of the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any group or community.
 
6.  DEPENDENCE / INCOMPETENCE
Belief that one is unable to handle one's everyday responsibilities in a competent manner, without considerable help from others (e.g., take care of oneself, solve daily problems, exercise good judgment, tackle new tasks, make good decisions). Often presents as helplessness.
 
7.  VULNERABILITY TO HARM OR ILLNESS
Exaggerated fear that imminent catastrophe will strike at any time and that one will be unable to prevent it. Fears focus on one or more of the following: (A) Medical Catastrophes:  e.g., heart attacks, AIDS;  (B) Emotional Catastrophes:  e.g., going crazy;  (C): External Catastrophes: e.g., elevators collapsing, victimized by criminals, airplane crashes, earthquakes.

8.  ENMESHMENT  /  UNDEVELOPED SELF
Excessive emotional involvement and closeness with one or more significant others (often parents), at the expense of full individuation or normal social development. Often involves the belief that at least one of the enmeshed individuals cannot survive or be happy without the constant support of the other. May also include feelings of being smothered by, or fused with, others  OR  insufficient individual identity. Often experienced as a feeling of emptiness and floundering, having no direction, or in extreme cases questioning one's existence.  

9.  FAILURE TO ACHIEVE
The belief that one has failed, will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate relative to one's peers, in areas of achievement (school, career, sports, etc.). Often involves beliefs that one is stupid, inept, untalented, ignorant, lower in status, less successful than others, etc.

10.  ENTITLEMENT / GRANDIOSITY 
The belief that one is superior to other people; entitled to special rights and privileges; or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Often involves insistence that one should be able to do or have whatever one wants, regardless of what is realistic, what others consider reasonable,  or the cost to others;OR an exaggerated focus on superiority (e.g., being among  the most successful,  famous, wealthy)  -- in order to achieve power or control (not primarily for attention or approval). Sometimes includes excessive competitiveness toward, or domination of, others:  asserting one's power, forcing one's point of view, or controlling the behavior of others in line with one's own desires---without empathy or concern for others' needs or feelings.

11. INSUFFICIENT SELF-CONTROL / SELF-DISCIPLINE
Pervasive difficulty or refusal to exercise sufficient self-control and frustration tolerance to achieve one's personal goals, or to restrain the excessive expression of one's emotions and impulses. In its milder form, patient presents with an exaggerated emphasis on discomfort-avoidance:  avoiding pain, conflict, confrontation, responsibility, or overexertion---at the expense of personal fulfillment, commitment,  or integrity.

12.  SUBJUGATION
Excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced - - usually to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. The two major forms of subjugation are:

A. Subjugation of Needs:  Suppression of one's preferences, decisions,  and desires.

B. Subjugation of Emotions: Suppression of emotional expression, especially anger.

Usually involves the perception that one's own desires, opinions,  and feelings are not valid or important to others. Frequently presents as excessive compliance, combined with hypersensitivity to feeling trapped. Generally leads to a build up of anger, manifested in maladaptive symptoms (e.g., passive-aggressive behavior, uncontrolled outbursts of temper, psychosomatic symptoms, withdrawal of affection, "acting out", substance abuse).

13. SELF-SACRIFICE 
Excessive focus on voluntarily meeting the needs of others in daily situations, at the expense of one's own gratification.  The most common reasons are:  to prevent causing pain to others;  to avoid guilt from feeling selfish;  or to maintain the connection with others perceived as needy .  Often results from an acute sensitivity to the pain of others. Sometimes leads to a sense that one's own needs are not being adequately met and to resentment of those who are taken care of. (Overlaps with concept of codependency.)

14.  APPROVAL-SEEKING  /  RECOGNITION-SEEKING
Excessive emphasis on gaining approval, recognition, or attention from other people, or fitting in, at the expense of developing a secure and true sense of self. One's sense of esteem is dependent primarily on the reactions of others rather than on one's own natural inclinations.  Sometimes includes an overemphasis on status, appearance, social acceptance, money, or achievement --  as means of gaining approval, admiration, or attention (not primarily for power or control). Frequently results in major life decisions that are inauthentic or unsatisfying;  or in hypersensitivity to rejection.
 
15. NEGATIVITY  /  PESSIMISM
A pervasive, lifelong focus on the negative aspects of life (pain, death, loss, disappointment, conflict, guilt, resentment, unsolved problems, potential mistakes, betrayal, things that could go wrong, etc.) while minimizing or neglecting the positive or optimistic aspects. Usually includes an exaggerated expectation-- in a wide range of work, financial, or interpersonal situations -- that things will eventually go seriously wrong, or that aspects of one's life that seem to be going well will ultimately fall apart. Usually involves an inordinate fear of making mistakes that might lead to: financial collapse, loss, humiliation, or being trapped in a bad situation. Because potential negative outcomes are exaggerated, these patients are frequently characterized by chronic worry, vigilance, complaining, or indecision.

16.  EMOTIONAL INHIBITION The excessive inhibition of spontaneous action, feeling, or communication -- usually to avoid disapproval by others, feelings of shame, or losing control of one's impulses. The most common areas of inhibition involve:  (a) inhibition of anger & aggression;  (b) inhibition of positive impulses (e.g., joy, affection, sexual excitement, play);  (c) difficulty expressing vulnerability or communicating freely about one's feelings, needs, etc.;  or (d) excessive emphasis on rationality while disregarding emotions.

17.  UNRELENTING STANDARDS /  HYPERCRITICALNESS  
The underlying belief that one must strive to meet very high internalized standards of behavior and performance, usually to avoid criticism. Typically results in feelings of pressure or difficulty slowing down; and in hypercriticalness toward oneself and others.  Must involve significant impairment in:  pleasure, relaxation, health, self-esteem, sense of accomplishment, or satisfying relationships. 

Unrelenting standards typically present as:  (a) perfectionism, inordinate attention to detail, or an underestimate of how good one's own performance is relative to the norm;  (b) rigid rules and “shoulds” in many areas of life, including unrealistically high moral, ethical, cultural, or religious precepts; or (c) preoccupation with time and efficiency, so that more can be accomplished.
 
18.  PUNITIVENESS  
The belief that people should be harshly punished for making mistakes.  Involves the tendency to be angry, intolerant,  punitive, and impatient with those people (including oneself) who do not meet one's expectations or standards.  Usually includes difficulty forgiving mistakes in oneself or others, because of a reluctance to consider extenuating circumstances, allow for human imperfection, or empathize with feelings.

(c) Jeffrey Young Schema Therapy Institute

561 10th Ave., Suite 43D

New York, NY  10036

Schema Healing for Negative Core Beliefs

Hi Everyone!!!

It's been a while since I've posted, not for lack of material. Lack of time. I've been in DEEP HEALING mode every single day this year; learning an extraordinary amount of information about how to truly love yourself. I've implemented much in my own life--my life is undergoing dramatic transformation.

I've been in a deep state of Self Love, going deeper and farther into the concept than I ever dreamed, learning the essence of loving yourself and finding that self condemnation hides in the cracks and crevices of the mind, body, feelings, behavior and actions.

One of the ways I've been taking care of myself is writing just for myself. Not blogging it. Not sharing it. In many instances not even discussing it with a human being. I write in my journal, really letting the data soak in so I can apply it to my own life. I'm saving it all and hoping to put it in my book (to be released once I'm to that point in my transformation).

What I've been learning is a lot about schemas, or as Abraham Hicks would say, the grid--similar to your mindset. Your SCHEMA is something that you use to process the vast information around you. Your schema is the template you use to make quick decisions in your life and your relationships.

Your Schema is your template. If you grew up in a dysfunctional way, you likely have a damaged schema, or what psychotherapists call "maladaptive schema." Your schema holds all your core beliefs. If you accidentally believed a lie as a child (or several lies), then you likely have a schema that needs healing.

When a schema is healed you go from a negative core belief, "I am bad," to a more ADAPTIVE SCHEMA which is, "I am okay." The trick is, how do you go from a negative core belief--the deepest part of your being--to a positive one? How does this happen? Is it really possible?

Yes. It is possible and I've found the pathway to achieving a reversal of the lie at the root of your soul that says:

• You are defective.
• You are disconnected and alone.
• You are not enough.
• You are incompetent.
• You are a failure.
• You will die of some horrible disease.
• You are beneath other people.
• You must surrender to bossy people.
• You can't stand up to people or you'll be rejected.
• You must be nice to everyone no matter what.

Yes, my friends. Those are schemas. Actually, those sentences above represent several different schemas. There is entire categories dedicated to the messed up grid you have in your mind that filters all the information coming to you. It's crazy! Here is a quick short list of some of the things I've been learning about schemas: 

• Maladaptive schemas derive from unmet needs in childhood.
• Healed schemas are called "Adaptive Schemas."
• Negative schemas fill in the gap between you and the childhood development need that was never met.
• Maladaptive Schemas are negative conclusions that you made about yourself, others and life in general as a result of getting the wrong messages about your worth when you were a child.
• There are 12 primary schemas.
• Which negative schema you have determines that level of damage that needs to be healed.
• Each negative schema is pervasive and impacts all your thoughts, actions, decisions, feelings, EVERYTHING.
• If you continue to operate as if the negative core beliefs you have are true, then you will continue to manifest negative results.
• "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Core beliefs are the ultimate level that you may need to change if you have any doubts about your worth, value or capabilities.
• Healing your schema is very difficult, but will change your life on multiple levels.
  
• Healing your schema involves arguing logically with the initial core belief, presenting evidence to yourself of your worth and value that your mind is currently ignoring...
• Healing from the maladaptive schemas you've adopted requires that you do several things, including make changes to behavior which perpetuates the negativity in your life. 

 This is so exciting, y'all!!! I can't wait to share more about what I'm learning!!! My latest task is to label and organize my negative core beliefs. It is not fun, I might add... but I know that nothing worth having comes cheap, easy or free, so I'm paying the price to get beyond my own mental limitations--limiting beliefs. I want to SOAR as high as I can go--and I will stop at nothing to experience the highest level of emotional and spiritual healing possible for me here on earth. I'm hungry for consciousness, awareness, knowledge, wisdom and understanding. I'm fascinated by the ways I can facilitate the healing of my own internal weaknesses. 

It's a beautiful thang. ;-)

Much love and respect towards you, my friend...

(c) Jenna Ryan - All Rights Reserved

Emotional Tunnel Vision

Emotional Tunnel vision in my life is when you focus on one thing without considering all the options. It's an obsession of sorts, when you focus too heavily on one person, one love, one issue, one solution, one problem, one way out.

Tunnel vision is a way that you sabotage yourself by over focusing on one detail of whatever it is you're focused on to detriment of all the other potentialities. Over-focusing on one thing can cause you to make mistakes in judgment.

If you were mistreated or abused as a child, you may have the tendency to become over-involved, emotionally over-invested in people and outcomes that healthy people can easily get over. Children who are maltreated get triggered into "fight or flight" mode easily. When the human body is in fight or flight mode, the mind becomes intensely focused on the thing that is a potential source of danger. The brain doesn't give up this fight or flight mechanism easily. As an adult, you carry the wounds of childhood with you, and this can include becoming triggered and over concerned about things that are not in your control.

Tunnel vision is when you focus on things outside of your control in an obsessive-fashion, to the detriment of all your options. You feel like this or that HAS TO HAPPEN in order for you to feel good, safe or secure... so you focus all your energies on this one thing while forgetting who you really are, and many times forgetting what other things are really important to you.

Tunnel vision can be considered to be a cognitive bias as well, when one focuses only one the negative of the situation while ignoring all the positives. It is the process of focusing on only one thing instead of remaining open minded. Paying too much attention to the details of a scenario you want to happen in your life, while not considering the big picture.

In the legal world of the judge and jury, tunnel vision is said to distort the perception of the evidence. It's a term for when the legal system distorts the evidence to suit their original leanings.

It's important that you remove your defenses and to keep the big picture in view when dealing with your own life. You don't want to limit yourself by thinking, feeling and acting on limited data--you want to operate from reality--which includes a multitude of options.

Many times what we think HAS TO HAPPEN is not what life has in store for us. We don't know the future, we can't say definitively what is the best path for us. We have to trust that life is unfolding precisely the way that it should and take our minds off the obsessions of what we think needs to happen, and be open to all the things in the world that may be ours.

Tunnel vision can get you stuck, and lead you away from your Highest Good. Take a step back, a deep breath and a broad view if you want to experience all that life has to offer. There are many roads to happiness... let yours unfold naturally with your eyes wide open.

When Vision Becomes Tunnel Vision - Psychology Today

Sometimes our minds are limited to seeing and understanding what our greatest outcome can be so we become resistant to any other way than how we see it. When we let go of attachments to an outcome, we allow room for things to unfold far beyond what we could have ever imagined it to be. Let go and allow the best to flow. 

 

-Kat Zaghi

5 Ways to Stay Open Despite Rejection

By Pam Garcy, PhD
My Inner Guide.com
 

Just sharing some midnight thoughts with you about how REBT-CBT can help you survive if you happen to live with a very open heart...Using REBT and CBT to live with a more open heart, despite rejection.

Have you ever extended yourself, made yourself vulnerable, and then been rejected by another?

As a child, one of my influences was the late Dr. Leo Buscaglia & I loved his messages about being willing to take risks & be open about love.  Once in a while, after listening to Leo on PBS and embarking on our weekly visit to Luby's, I'd even ask my mom if we could invite lonely looking strangers to sit at our lunch table so that the strangers wouldn’t have to be all alone. Sometimes she'd even let me & how glorious it was to make a new friend and decrease the loneliness of another!

Even still, as a supposedly more mature adult, my heart often & almost always directs me to be just a little bit more open & take those risks which I'd call living from my heart.

When we listen to this courageous part, we find that we can have a radically open hearts. Yet, even in the spirit of love, kindness, caring, and compassion, I have inner conflict about the topic.  For example, I recently cared so much about a client, and I really wanted to check on the person.  I had to turn inward and really ask, “Do I call this person, leave this message, send this e-mail?” 

I certainly want to be thoughtful about what I do. The logical part of me does not want to scare another or do anything that could be deemed professionally inappropriate. I am fully aware that it is a privilege to be someone’s therapist, not a right & everyone is different.

But, within these boundaries, I find that the general pattern of my self-direction would be to say “yes” when it comes to me to extending myself in a loving, warm, open, and often expressive fashion. This open-book transparency isn’t always cool to everyone, my friends tell me. And sometimes in the aftermath of my openness, my knowledge of REBT has led me to realize that I need to do some solid shame-attacking, to balance out the feeling like my heart was breaking!

So, how can one live with a very loving and open heart, knowing that not everyone desires to receive this?   REBT says to live without shame.  And the shameless answer is, “Love on and learn to live with rejection.”

Here are 5 things REBT teaches which will allow you to love on despite rejection:

1. You may label yourself as a reject when you get rejected. Just because someone rejected you, this doesn’t mean you are a reject–you are simply a person who has had an experience of being rejected. Avoid rating your entire personhood based upon what happens to you!

2. There are definitely many worse things than being rejected. Think about it, feeling unloved, being treated like you're goofy, or being ignored by someone you love; sometimes when you do what feels right to you, you can still get rejected, fail to get the love you want, end up being treated like a goof, or get ignored. If you avoid lableing this as awful, you’ll cut down the pain a lot. To anti-awfulize, remind yourself that there are so many worse things that could have happened to you & start dwelling on what is still good, right, and okay in your life.

3. You may say that you shouldn’t feel what you feel, but you do feel what you feel, therefore you actually should feel as you do. To clarify, of course you’d prefer to feel better, but you feel as you feel because you think as you do! Until you think differently, you will feel as you feel, so demanding that you feel differently won’t change how you feel; it’ll just make you feel worse. Accept how you feel and know that it is exactly fine for now. If you’d like to change it, work on your distorted thoughts.

4. If you’re still standing, then you can stand whatever it is you’re saying you can’t stand!

5. You may be really outwardly expressive & not receive that beautiful expression of your love in return from the person you expressed it to. This may provoke thoughts in you such as “no one loves you back”. First of all, how do you know that no one loves you back? Second of all, sometimes people are in different head-spaces and heart-spaces, so they can’t or won’t express their love back ever & often won’t express it back right when you want it. Third of all, are you ignoring evidence that there are those who have told you they love you back?

When you feel badly, you’re more likely to spit out cognitive distortions. This is called emotional reasoning by David Burns, M.D. You basically think worse of yourself when you already feel badly emotionally.

So, dear ones, keep this in mind, keep working on your distortions, and keep living with a full heart and open mind.

Love to you all,

Pam Garcy, PhD

My Inner Guide.com