Monday, April 20, 2015

5 Steps for Protecting Yourself From Future Narcissists

It is not always easy to recognize a narcissist. This is because the narcissist is very charming and flattering and seems to be everything you want in another person at first. When you are swept up in the narcissists lair, you are like a mouse with a lot of cheese in a mouse trap. You just can't resist until the trap snaps and you're caught.

Narcissists are especially adept at picking up on cues that you need something. Perhaps you have unmet needs left over from childhood. Maybe you feel insecure, unworthy, unlovable, or like something is wrong. The narcissist picks up on this and begins to feed you in the ways that you need. He gives you compliments about things you were uncertain about before. He seems to hang on your every word--which really fills your need for attention. She makes you feel she values you, which helps you to feel like a valuable person. When the narcissist is idealizing you, it feels euphoric. It can literally make you high because of the chemical hormones your body secretes.

This feeling of getting your needs met it very short lived. Eventually the narcissist will discard you and it will erase everything. Not only will you be left with the pain of the original feelings of insecurity, but you will be left with the pain that while you thought you were valuable when he or she was loving you, all that was not true. Hence, you are wounded a thousand times and the hurt is very deep.

You must protect yourself from this happening again. I can't promise you it won't happen, but I promise you that you'll get wiser during this process.

Step 1: Face Reality

The first part of healing from the narcissist is to face reality. This is hard to do, but it is the ultimate necessity for getting out of the Sweet / Mean Cycle Trap. Read this article to learn more about Understanding that the Narcissist Doesn't Love You.

Step 2: No Contact

The only way to deal with a malignant narcissist is NO CONTACT.  No contact means NO CONTACT. This means remove the narcissist and all their fawns from your social media accounts. Forget his phone number. Block him from your life 100%. No exceptions. Every time you engage with the narc, he gets an ego boost and you get stabbed in the heart. Put a stop to this immediately. If you contact the narcissist or allow contact, you are the one who is hurting yourself. Stop that.

Step 3: Get Help for Your Issues 
There is a reason you fell for a narcissist. Chances are, you have a narcissistic parent or you're codependent or in some way maligned from childhood development. Maybe you were abused as a child or were raised in a dysfunctional family? Whatever the case, now is the time to get some help for whatever ails you. Seek out a quality therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse. Unless you get help for the parts of you that weakens you to the narcissist's manipulation, you will be prone to fall for another narcissist and get hurt all over again.
Step 4: Fortify Yourself

Now is the time to fortify yourself. This means you need to build ego-strength. You need to fill in the holes within yourself that make you susceptible to the narcissist's abuse and manipulation. You need to become whole in yourself so that you don't need anything that the narc tries to provide. This means you have strong boundaries and you know how to set limits. This means you know how to assert your needs and expect to get your needs met. A whole person does not easily fall for the narcissist.

Step 4: Get in Tune with Your Intuition

Your intuition will tell you who is right and who is wrong. Unfortunately, many of us ignore our intuition completely. If you had difficulties growing up, you may have an intuition that is off the mark. You need to get really strong at paying attention to your inner feelings and instincts as these are a protection against unscrupulous users.

Step 5: Learn to Discern Real From Fake

Real love is sustaining. When someone really cares about you, there are certain words they use, things they say, things they do that make them real. The real person is not perfect... does not say everything just how you want to hear it. The real person will show weaknesses--the fake person will hide weaknesses and show you only what you want to see. Learn to appreciate the realness of others and gravitate to people who are capable of real unconditional love and empathy.

There you have it. The five steps. There is lots involved with these 5 steps, perhaps I'll do a video and more articles on this topic. Would love to hear from you if this article is helpful, or if you have other questions. Follow us on Facebook. Join our Facebook Group and love yourself more every day.

~ Jenna

1 comment:

  1. Jenna- i'm getting better at spotting full blown malignant ones, but still fall for friends, and potential partners that are VERY narcissistic at times. i hope i am moving in the right direction. sometimes it feels discouraging, but i try to remind myself both my parents were narcissistic, my dad most likely an NPD and it's all i know. it's like i am in training to notice and feel comfortable with normal people!