Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Attract Your Ideal Partner - Self Hypnosis - Law of Attraction - Binaural Isochronic

This is amazeballs. It works FAST. Incredible. You have to be ready. You have to do the work behind the scenes, but when you're ready, this will work. I listen daily using my Dr. Dre headphones. Headphones are required for effect of binaural beats.

Monday, March 24, 2014

You Are Not Who Jealous People Say You Are

You are not who jealous people say you are. All my life, since I was a little girl, I've been exposed to jealous and envious people. Growing up in this environment, with a step father who was jealous of my light, my vibrancy and my happiness, I learned to identify myself in accordance with his definition of me. He was disgusted with my joy. He hated the sight of me enjoying myself. He took away my toys and made every effort to make my life a living hell as a little girl. I know a thing or two of being surrounded by envy and jealousy.

As a little girl I tried everything possible to make this mean, jealous person like me. I contorted myself, shaped and molded my personality around his whims. I did everything I could do to undo his jealousy and make him like and appreciate me. Nothing worked.

As an adult, I became obsessed with fixing what went wrong in my childhood. Freud called this the "repetition compulsion." I was compelled to change the view that other jealous, envious, vindictive people had of me. I was drawn to people who treated me the same way my step father did.

I've been exposed to all matter of jealousy. I've seen it's underbelly. I've experienced its havoc. I've spent undue energy trying to justify my goodness, my sweetness, my innocence to people who hated that very thing about me. Through it all, some how, I've come out on top. I've learned that the jealous, envious, vindictive person never wins, and that so long as I continue to remain true to myself and loving and accepting of who I am, that eventually I will rise above their pettiness. The neat thing is, my rise always occurs within their sight. It reminds me of the Bible verse:

"And He will prepare before you a table in the presence of your enemies." Psalm 23:5

Some may call it Karma. Whatever it is called, whenever there is a jealous person, an envious person who has hurt me with his or her actions, be it withdrawing, exclusion, blatant insults or manipulation, that person has always, eventually been paid back. How? Because in my innocence and pure heart towards them, and my commitment to figuring this life out, I've always been able to rise beyond the  definition others tried to pin on me.

Envy. What does it cause you to do? I've been envious before, I'll admit. It causes friends to slink away, to treat you differently, to put you down, to ostracize you, gossip behind your back, belittle you, to speak negatively about you, to try to make others see you in a bad light. The definition of envy is this:

"a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck."

If another person is envious of you, that person is not happy when you are happy. They are not able to rejoice in your accomplishments. In their eyes, they see you as less than you are. There is nothing you can do about it. These are the epitome of haters. They hate you because you embody something that they wish that they had. They feel that by putting you down and belittling you, they will be lifted up. Well, the truth is, they are wrong. You can't be lifted up by putting others down. You can only be lifted up by lifting others up and accepting greatness in others without envy knowing that there is no lack in this world. There is plenty of shine for all of us.

If you are insecure in any way, there may be a tendency to define yourself by what others want you to be. If they want you to be the slut, then they call you a slut and you feel like one. Or if they want you to be the stupid one, then they insinuate you're stupid and you feel stupid. We are all connected, so social exclusion is hard--but it's a fact of life if you're dedicated to being yourself and standing firm and not bending to the whims of others who are jealous of your light.

So just know this, my friend. You are not defined by other people in ANY WAY. You define you. All you have to do is hold your head up high in the face of your oppressors and let God handle them. In the end, you will be free of bitterness and they will be forced to eat your dust. *

_______________________________

“Envy is the religion of the mediocre. It comforts them, it soothes their worries, and finally it rots their souls, allowing them to justify their meanness and their greed until they believe these to be virtues. Such people are convinced that the doors of heaven will be opened only to poor wretches like themselves who go through life without leaving any trace but their threadbare attempts to belittle others and to exclude - and destroy if possible - those who, by the simple fact of their existence, show up their own poorness of spirit, mind, and guts. Blessed be the one at whom the fools bark, because his soul will never belong to them.” 

― Carlos Ruiz Zaf√≥n,
The Angel's Game 

 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Wow. So True

You have more harmony points with every person on the planet than you have disharmony points, because there is much more of you that is in harmony with your Core than you realize or that most of you allow. The closer you come to being in harmony with your Source Energy, the more in harmony you are with each other. When you think about other people and what they think of you, do you understand that what they think of you has very little to do with what you are? It has mostly to do with the habits of thought that they have developed. It has more to do with them as thinkers than it does with you as the subject of their thought. If nothing is more important to you than that you feel good, you can form a fantasy about someone who is in your life and they will begin to modify to meet your fantasy, because Law of Attraction is a very powerful thing. -Abraham

Saturday, March 8, 2014

5 Steps to Letting Go

My previous post, Let Go of Control talks about how codependency (an intimacy issue) causes one to try to control and manipulate people and situations in life in order to make up for a deficiency in oneself. This post discusses How to Let Go and move on to a more fulfilling life.

Letting go. Sounds easy, doesn't it? But sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do. I've spent a lot of time healing and that requires letting go in heavy doses. What does it mean to let go? That's what I'd like to explore. Stay with me here.

Detachment is letting go. Trouble with detaching and letting go is something that codependents have in common. In a way, I think the root of codependency is the inability to let go of things that are outside of your control. Once you begin to heal, detachment becomes necessary and thankfully, with healing, letting go gets easier.  

Here are 5 Steps to Letting Go:

Step 1. Face Reality

If you find yourself hooked on someone, something or some outcome and having difficulty letting go and moving on, the first thing you need to do is face reality. Facing reality means that you look at the situation in its entirety, from broad perspective. You tell yourself the truth. You stop deluding yourself. You stop telling yourself that the person you're hung-up on really loves you--and start facing the fact that it doesn't matter who loves you if they're not giving you what you deserve.

Facing reality means facing that the guy you're in love with doesn't love you and that is okay. You can't wish something into being. There is no magic potion that will make things be exactly as you want it to be. You can't control other people. You don't need to. All you can do is face what's really happening in your life. You can't heal what you don't face.

Step 2. Grieve Your Loss

Any time you lose something in life, you need to grieve in order to heal and move on. When you have codependent tendencies, chances are you have things you need to grieve from your childhood that never healed. Oft times we hold onto people today who remind us of those who didn't meet our needs when we were little developing children. It's important to grieve all losses; to allow yourself to grieve fully. If the situation is tiny, you may only need to grieve a little. If the situation is big, you may need to grieve buckets of emotion. Holding onto pain is what you're doing when you don't go through the grieving process.

Grieving is the process of mourning your loss. It involves sadness, self compassion and tears. Holding onto someone or some desired outcome means that you won't allow yourself to grieve the loss. Grieving is hard and it hurts; sometimes we avoid this process and pretend things are not the way they really are. It's wise and self loving to go ahead and face your losses and grieve for what you no longer have, or in the case of deep inner healing, to grieve what you never had.

Grief has 5 different phases. It's what you feel when someone dies. That same process should be gone through when you have any loss in your life, or else you hold onto the pain of the loss and carry it around with you indefinitely. Better to get it over with. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to go through the grieving process. Release the pain (negative emotion) so you can move forward and find meaning in life.  

Step 3. Process the Situation

Anyone who tells you to just move on is not being sensitive to your needs. As an emotional being, it's critical to process the situation in the proper light. You need to figure out what you think as a result of this loss. What are you telling yourself? 

Perhaps you are criticizing yourself for the loss. If you are abusing yourself through self criticism, this can cause even more pain for which you need to grieve. You need to come to terms with what's really going on and put everything in the proper category; in the right light. The friend who hurt you does not indicate that you are unworthy, it simply means that he or she is incapable of being sensitive to your needs. Or, the rejection you experienced has nothing to do with your worth at all. You are valuable, incredible and you have a huge life ahead of you. It's important to reframe the situation in a way that is self loving and based in the truth of who you are.

You may need a friend to talk to about the situation. Find someone supportive who will listen as you process rather than trying to offer solutions or shut you up. Processing loss is vital; you don't want to gloss over the thinking you have to do. Failing to process is like shutting down your computer without exiting out of all the open programs--it messes you up.

Step 4. Lean on Higher Power

Letting go and detaching is difficult if you are not tapped into your higher power, that is, God within you. You must be willing to go higher and ask God for help, and to allow that help to penetrate your daily life. You are loved more than you can imagine. Everything is working out for your good. Life is good to you and for you. You can trust that what you are letting go of is not needed for you. You can trust that everything that you need will come and that which you don't need won't stay. Trust that all is well and that what you don't have you don't need.

Step 5. Replacement

Lastly, once you've processed the real issue for what it is, reframed it and released the negative emotion through grief, you can work on the surface of the problem, and that is your thinking. If you are codependent in any way, you likely have habitual thoughts that are codependent in nature. In order to break out of the pattern of clinging to what's not yours, or holding onto what's no longer in your life, you have to replace those thoughts with better ones more conducive to your good.

Replacement is about filling up your thought life with thoughts that are beneficial to you. Codependents have a tendency to focus on other people. If you want to detach, you need to attach to something else--and that something needs to be YOU. Replace repetitive, compulsive thoughts that have you stuck with thoughts that serve to better Yourself. Detach outside, bond inside. Replace thoughts about others with thoughts about Yourself.

Replacement may involve self soothing, positive self talk, or it may involve getting busy with your own life, hobbies or career. You don't want to replace too soon--you must process, grieve and face reality--if you want to move forward as a whole healthy person. Once you're ready, you can begin to replace the old stuff that's moving out of your life with new stuff that's good for you.

Please note: You don't want to replace the old with more of the same. In the processing process, you LEARN FROM THE PAIN OF LETTING GO and start fresh with new knowledge, making better decisions along the way. Replacement is not repetition. Replacement is climbing the stairs; replacement is going higher to a better, stronger you.

Ending...

I hope this article is helpful. I've learned to detach in my life in things both big and small. My inner self, my inner guide helps me through the process. I constantly remind myself of what's mine to keep: ME, and what's mine to release: Not Mine. Letting go, releasing and detaching is a psychologically healthy thing to do and will bring much peace and joy to your life. Letting go and learning why what you were holding onto is not beneficial is an act of self love that is very hard at first, but gets easier with practice. Letting go honors Yourself and builds you up. You will be surprised to see how strong you are once you trust your higher power and let go of the need to cling and control.

Much love to you, my friend. XO

Let Go of Control

One of life's greatest challenges is reaching the place where you know, with your whole being, that Spirit is supporting and guiding you toward the highest good of your soul. When you know this, you finally let go of control - you let go and let God. This is challenging because the ego wounded self does not want to let go of control, and will take every opportunity to undermine your knowingness. Awareness of this inner battle is essential to healing.
~ InnerBonding

A codependent person is one who has a need to control everything and everyone around them. Codependency is a disease that is fostered by our society. Underlying the maladaption is the belief that you can't trust life; that you can't trust anything... that you must work hard to make people like you, to hide who you really are, to keep from getting hurt. The internal message of codependency is that you are not enough--you must do a bunch of extra stuff to get your needs met. What happens is you end up with a tangled mess. It makes a person indirect, controlling and manipulative.

I used to be a controlling type of person. I didn't think I was. It didn't seem like I was controlling. Back then I thought controlling was when you tell other people what to do, but that's not always the best sign of a controlling person. A controlling person can be passive or outright. It's all about how you view your effectiveness in life. Whether you believe you are enough just being you, or that you are inherently flawed.

Examples of Codependent Control
  • Removing a friend from your life because your crush thinks she's pretty.
  • Buying a friend expensive gifts, giving them stuff or paying for everything.
  • Talking behind someone's back about an offense rather than confronting directly.
  • Settling for a guy you don't respect in order to be in a relationship.
  • Spending time scheming to prevent some connection from happening between others.
  • Denying your own need to be respected by hiding some truth about yourself.
  • Being friends with someone you don't like in order to get near another person.
  • Spending energy concocting ways to get another person to like you. 
  • Having an agenda of any kind in relationship.
  • Being friends with someone to learn secrets to advance yourself. 
  • Enabling a drug addict or alcoholic in their addiction.
  • Playing the martyr.  
  • Being upset when someone doesn't like you or isn't into you.
  • Hanging onto someone who is not hanging onto you.
  • Being in love with an unavailable person. 
  • Hiding who you really are out of fear others won't like you.
  • Not liking another person because he or she is friends with someone you don't like.
  • Trying to get your girlfriends or mate not to like someone because you don't like them. 
  • Sacrificing your values to make money or advance yourself socially. 
  • Excluding others from your life out of fear that he/she may take what's yours.
  • Being suspicious of the motives of others.
  • Thinking that the world is out to get you so you better "get yours" however you can. 
  • Punishing someone to get them way they're supposed to act.
  • Acting fake in order to fit into a group.
  • Pretending not to like another person just to fit in.
  • Not telling your hair stylist that you dislike your color so as not to make her upset. 
  • Feeling worthless because another person doesn't recognize your fabulousness. 
  • Spending too much time worrying about how another person feels when you've set a boundary for yourself.
  • Doing things to make people like you.
What are some other ways of controlling behavior? Manipulation? How have you used these tactics to control outcomes in your life? How have others used these tactics to control you?

REALITY CHECK: You can't control anybody or anything. Thinking that you can is mere delusion.


Today I am healed from the bulk of my codependency issues. Along with the healing has come a naturalness and beingness that is more spontaneous and less fake. I do things today in real time instead of out of a false self or wounded ego self that's trying to hide who I really am. Today I know that I cannot control outcomes and anything I can control is not something I want anyway. My worth doesn't come from other people and what other people do is none of my business.

Loving yourself involves light, easy action that ebbs and flows spontaneously in the moment; it doesn't cling tightly to anything outside, but simply enjoys all that comes and goes. Loving yourself means that you accept reality for what it is, and you trust yourself to handle all that happens with grace, class and finesse. You know that everything in life is for your highest good. You go with the flow. You no longer need to hang onto people, places or things in order to give yourself value.

Facing the fact that I was actually controlling and manipulative was hard. Nobody wants to admit that about themselves. But like Dr. Margaret says above, letting go of control is essential to healing. You don't have to orchestrate situations. Just live spontaneously. Let go and let God. 

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Sisterhood

“Women who understand how powerful they are do not give into envy over meaningless things, instead they fight to maintain the beautiful bond of the sisterhood. These are the real women who know that we need each other’s love & support to survive in this world. Love is the essence of being a woman. We must be that light of love that seals the bond & unique beauty of our sisterhood.”
Bindu

“When envy lies within a woman's heart it cuts into her soul & gives her a toxic spirit. It is truly something to be disgusted by. I have experienced it so much in my own life that I can sense the energy of envy without any communication from the other person. It lingers in the air to pollute your environment. Envy is a brutal force of bad vibes sucking the love right out of your heart.”
Bindu Envy In Women