Friday, January 11, 2013

It's Okay to Feel Sorry for Yourself

Before I went through my breakthrough healing, I thought it was wrong to feel sorry for myself. I even wrote an article about it. People ought to suck-it-up, be strong. No room for self pity! This is the consensus of the day...

Forget the past and move on...

Stuff your feelings...

Pretend it doesn't matter...

Self Pity is Self Nurture

Well, I was wrong... Now I know the truth. There is not a feeling in the world that you should deny yourself. Feelings are your controls, when properly calibrated. All feelings need to be felt and processed, or else--you'll have to deal with them later.

Emotions don't just go away...

Emotions are energy-in-motion. If the energy from your emotions is not released at its origin, it gets locked in your mind and causes trouble later in some other form. This is what happens when you lash out at the mail lady for getting dirt on your envelope, or yell at your kids for whispering too loud when you're having one of your "episodes." Little life events trigger this pent-up energy that you've denied or repressed. You explode for no reason and think you're whack... having no idea why you overreact at times...

You Deserve Your Own Compassion

If we are to love ourselves as we love our neighbors, don't we deserve the same compassion that we give to our neighbor? I'm not asking for more... just equal, please. So often we give, give, give to everyone but ourselves. We're conditioned to abandon our own hearts, our own needs.

Who's idea is it that feeling sorry for yourself is bad? What does it mean to pity yourself? It means that you are experiencing sadness and pain. If you're hurting, regardless of the reason, you deserve the honor and the space to feel how you feel. It doesn't matter who likes it. You need your love, compassion, pity, sympathy, care, concern, kindness just as much as anyone else.

It is no sin to hurt. Hurting is the natural response to being rejected, neglected, abandoned, abused or in some way wronged. Hurt is not weakness, it is instinctual. We can't help that we're feeling hurt. Our feelings are the signals of our heart that tell us what's going on inside. When we feel a sense of self-pity, it means we feel we have been wronged and we need to pay attention, not suck-it-up.

Who benefits if you choose not to pity yourself when your heart is aching? Certainly not you! Self pity is nurturing. The only ones who benefit from you acting happy when you're not are those who don't want to deal with you. And to them I say, "Tough Titties!"
If someone is uncomfortable with your feelings, and tempts you to pretend to be something other than your real self... just so they don't have to see you in pain, or deal with your needs, and you allow this to happen, then you are adding to your own injury.

I was taught not to "feel sorry" for myself. To laugh when I felt like crying, to smile when I felt like dying, to pretend like everything was okay when it was not. It was convenient for those around me, but devastating to my soul. All this emotion was trapped for years until I finally got the courage to face the commotion. 

Give yourself the room, the space and the respect to feel how you feel whenever you feel it--and express it appropriately. Honor your feelings and grieve your unmet needs (self pity) so you're not holding onto it like a stinky bag of rotten trash.

If you don't do it for you, no one else will.

What are your thoughts??? Has anyone ever told you not to pity yourself? How did it make you feel? 

1 comment:

  1. It does not bother me to feel sorry for myself however I just do not think I can make much of it when I do. If I get down and really think about things that disturb me and are unresolved at a deeply emotional level it does feel much better to just be with that emotion, with that moment. It does not take much time though before I want to channel those emotions somewhere, to let it out. If I do not do that then those emotions turn against me and continue to be unresolved. I want strategy ..I want out..I want connection. While I do not shun these moments they are my cue to keep working it.

    I now want to go one step further and let it be known that I feel this way, that I hurt, that I do not have it all together, figured out, but I also want it known that I am working on it. I believe we need to see ourselves in each other and not get preoccupied with the perception of each other. I believe when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in our own company, as well as with other, we extend a connection that if we dare to embrace brings us closer together. We need that.