One Safe Place (Song)

Hurtful People Are Not True Friends

It's one thing to keep friends together, but some friends are not worth keeping!!! It doesn't matter how long you've known a person. If you are continuously being hurt, invalidated, disrespected, smothered or ignored, then you need to get away--no question. Even if this person is a beloved family member, parent, child, sibling, you can't allow others to push you around, use and abuse you!!! You must draw boundaries to protect yourself!!! Set limits to keep toxic people, bullies, invalidators and narcissists away!!! You cannot change them. You can only change yourself, so stop trying to help them.

Anyone who tries to make you feel guilty, stupid or ashamed for walking away from a person who is hurting you is themselves TOXIC. Don't listen!!! They want you to stay the way you are for selfish reasons. They don't care about you or your feelings or your peace or your future. People who care so little for you that they would encourage you to be a doormat and keep hurtful people in your life are NOT YOUR FRIENDS.

Find people who SUPPORT YOU in your journey. Someone who loves you backs you up. Someone who loves you respects YOUR decisions to end relationships, take a step back or go No Contact. A true friend respects your decisions and encourages you to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to stay safe. A true friend is on your side.

Instead of fighting these manipulators and defending yourself against their poisonous darts, put them at arms length. Give yourself more room to breathe. Life is so much more!!! You'll be surprised at how much better you feel!!! I promise!!!

REMEMBER: It is a PRIVILEGE to know you.

Love Yourself Enough

I'm going to start a series called "Love Yourself Enough." I'm going to write a bunch of graphics that remind us to love ourselves enough. XO

LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH to let people unfold before you let them in. 

~ Jenna SelfLoveU 

Love yourself enough to detach from other people's problems.
~ Jenna SelfLoveU

Crucial Conversations [Infographics]

The Drama Triangle

Here is the Drama Triangle which is a diagram of unhealthy, dysfunctional family dynamics.

The Drama Triangle The Three Rolls of Victimhood

 

 

‘Why does this always happen to me?’ ‘I was only trying to help!’

Does this familiar? If so, then you are in a game.

A game is an ongoing conversation between two people that ends with bad feelings for at least one of the participants.

Every person has a favourite game that they play out of awareness. The person will play the game repeatedly with different people and in different circumstances but the pattern will always be the same; the person will always end up with the same feeling at the end of the game.

Games are played from the positions of Rescuer, Victim or Persecutor.

Games are a substitute for real connection and true intimacy.

You Have to Love Yourself More Than Your Relationships

No matter who you're dealing with, you've got to hold onto yourself and operate from a place of integration, worth, value and self esteem. You can't put any relationship above your dignity. This includes relationships with friends, lovers, spouses, children, coworkers or acquaintances. Don't withhold from exerting boundaries to keep people in your life. Don't ignore your needs to not be a burden. Set boundaries. Define your personal space emotionally, physically, spiritually. Set lines and assert limits. Be a True, Authentic Person... not a beggar who is grateful for crumbs and terrified of rejection. It's better to be by yourself than to be a door mat. ~ Ms JLR

Narcissist Sweet / Mean Cycle

This video is an excellent explanation of the narcissist Sweet / Mean Cycle. The Sweet / Mean Cycle is a manipulative tactic used by toxic people to control you. If you fall for the sweet / mean cycle, you will become confused as you diminish yourself, deny your own needs AND work overtime to make the toxic person happy at your own expense.

The Sweet Mean Cycle is a process the toxic person uses to gain control of their victims. The victim is generally someone who has been abused this way growing up who is groomed to give up their rights and be a puppet to external sources.

This intermittent reinforcement of sometimes nice sometimes mean creates a split in the victim's psyche that sucks up energy and causes one to lose their grip on their own identity, worth and value.

IT TAKES 2 TO TANGO
 
The Sweet Mean Cycle is used by the Perpetrator in the Drama Triangle to entangle his or her victim. Once enthralled, these two people dance around in recurrent roles of Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer. Each wears masks while making the other responsible for their own feelings. Make no mistake. This is a dance on the part of the Perpetrator who uses the manipulative Sweet / Mean Cycle, and the victim who allows it to happen by abandoning his or her self.

This abusive relationship heads downhill fast with the one who has the most power gaining control and benefit. The one who gives his or her power away suffers most.