Sunday, July 9, 2017

100 Boundaries for Toxic People

It's important to set boundaries for yourself against all people--especially toxic people. Boundaries draw the line between you and another person. Toxic people are difficult to be around because their desire is to take you over. Toxic people want to control you and destroy your "I am." They sadistically want to control you and exploit your weak sense of self. If you were programmed during childhood to please toxic people, then you need to re-program your mind to set boundaries to protect yourself now.

You need boundaries that are quick and to-the-point. Clear, one sentence boundaries without explaining yourself. You need to practice these phrases so they'll be readily available when you're ready to use it. Remember to be clear. Don't feel you are being rude. You're not being rude when you take up for yourself and reserve space for yourself in a relationship / conversation.

Unlike with healthy people, when you set a boundary with a toxic person, DO NOT SHARE YOUR FEELINGS. They are incapable of registering feelings and have no empathy. Telling them your feelings only gives them more ammo. They want you to feel badly, upset, hurt. Just state clearly, and automatically what you are thinking in order to get them to back-off.  These people are bullies. They only respond to one-liners. It will shock them if they're used to you being submissive and non-existent. These boundaries will give you the space you need in the interaction, and will also help to strengthen your own position internally.

Don't say "I'm sorry." These are not nice people; but rather, they are secretly plotting and conniving to take you down. Be assertive, not sorry. Don't explain. Speak with confidence and clarity. Practice over and over in advance. These quips -- one liners help strengthen your sense of self, and keep you level in the playing field of toxic people in your life.

100 Boundaries for Toxic People
  1. Why are you belittling me? (Use this for covert abuse such as giving unwarranted advice).
  2. Don't minimize my needs.
  3. I don't need to hear that.
  4. That doesn't work for me.
  5. We can agree to disagree.
  6. I didn't ask for advice. 
  7. I hear that you don't like the red dress on me, however, it is the dress I choose.
  8. Why are you gaslighting me?
  9. Are you trying to triangulate me?
  10. Why are you looking at me like you just farted? 
  11. What business is it of yours?
  12. Stop changing the subject.
  13. Allow me to speak my turn.
  14. It's my turn to share.
  15. I don't need cliches.
  16. Stop telling me how to be. 
  17. No, I can't do it.
  18. Your expectations of me are higher than I am able to give.
  19. No, I don't see it that way.
  20. That's not the way I see it. 
  21. I disagree on that point.
  22. That has nothing to do with me.
  23. That's your opinion, not mine. 
  24. That is not a priority for me. (When they're trying to hijack your agenda)
  25. Are you bragging or sharing good news with me? 
  26. Why are you bragging so much?
  27. That sounds like a lie.
  28. Why are you telling me this? (When they're bragging non-stop)
  29. I don't talk about that. (Private issue of your own they try to bring up)
  30. Stop interrogating me.
  31. What's with all the questions?
  32. I don't share that.
  33. I don't want to talk about it.
  34. Stop bringing that issue up.
  35. Stop bossing me around.
  36. Stop talking about yourself and listen to me.
  37. No, I won't do it.
  38. Let's go if you can't act right.
  39. Are you implying that I'm ____? (When they're using covert manipulation)
  40. I am done with this conversation.
  41. I have a right to ____. (speak, share, be heard, be understood, etc... Don't explain it though)
  42. That's incorrect. 
  43. That's not true.
  44. We are two different people, each with our own ideas.
  45. Stop controlling the conversation.
  46. Don't talk behind my back in front of my face.
  47. Was that a back-handed compliment?
  48. You've got it wrong. 
  49. I know what's best for me.
  50. That is your opinion, not mine.
  51. I am competent enough to decide for myself what to do, buy, wear, say.
  52. Why are you baiting me to prove myself? 
  53. Why are you comparing yourself to me?
  54. If you don't like it, don't listen. (When Hitler tries to control conversation with another)
  55. How does that effect you?
  56. Why does that matter to you?
  57. That is my preference.
  58. This is my story, let me finish. 
  59. I have a right to share what is on my mind.
  60. Stop. I don't play that game.
  61. Stop. I don't like that.
  62. Keep your opinions to yourself. 
  63. Don't cross that line.
  64. No. I won't discuss this with you.
  65. I did not ask for advice.
  66. Your opinion of the situation doesn't match mine.
  67. That doesn't work for me. 
  68. I don't work that way. 
  69. You're expecting more than I can give.
  70. Stop changing the subject back to yourself.
  71. That was a rude comment. (Backhanded compliment)
  72. We are two different people.
  73. No, I don't want a hug, kiss, date, sexual advance. 
  74. No, I don't hug strangers. 
  75. I don't discuss that with strangers. 
  76. That's lewd. 
  77. I have my own ideas about what happened. 
  78. Why are you telling me all these personal details when we just met? 
  79. Does this story have an ending?
  80. I don't need to prove myself to you.
  81. I don't care about that. 
  82. That doesn't matter to me.
  83. That has nothing to do with me.
  84. That's your issue, not mine.  
  85. Are you trying to hijack my agenda?
  86. Stop trying to hijack my agenda.
  87. Stop trying to control me.
  88. No. You cannot do that to me.
  89. No. That's more than I will allow. 
  90. No. I won't play that role. 
  91. Stop repeating the same stories over and over. 
  92. I get it. You're ___. Please just move on. (tall, rich, handsome, beautiful, lovely, talented)
  93. I disagree.
  94. Why did you promise me __ and end up doing just ___?
  95. Are you love bombing me?
  96. I will no longer fawn over you.
  97. No can do. You're 30 minutes late!
  98. Stop minimizing what I say.
  99. Stop interrupting me.
  100. Are you trying to create an illusion / mirage?

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