Tuesday, August 30, 2016

5 Ways to Detach

While we're on the subject of Codependency and Detachment, I thought I'd write an article to help myself and you, my reader, in detaching from anything and everything necessary to live a happy, full and complete life. Let's start by making a list of things we may need to detach from as we venture on this journey of healing and recovery.

We may need to detach from any of the following: (Add your own too!!!)
  • The opinions of other people in reference to our right to have and express our own individual needs.
  • The opinions of other people relative to our behaviors, reactions, decisions within our relationships.
  • The opinions of others regarding what we need in our relationships.
  • The opinions of others regarding whom we should spend time with or not.
  • The opinions of others regarding choices we make to attend certain events or not.
  • The opinions of others regarding our healing journey.
  • The opinions of others regarding our personal rights.
  • The opinions of others regarding our enthusiasm and vibrancy.
  • The opinions of others regarding how we live.
  • The opinions of others regarding our needs in relationship and connection.
  • The drama that other people bait us to engage in.
  • The games people want us to play. 

5 Ways to Detach

1. Detach as a Mental Meditation

Just like the meditation practice of letting thoughts go by like clouds, you can detach from the opinions of others by letting them go. Don't judge yourself for caring about what the person thinks, has said or is saying, but rather, notice the thoughts and feelings, and just allow them to be there. Let these feelings or ruminations pass overhead in the sky like so many clouds. Watch the opinions of others pass you by. That feels good just writing it! #deepbreath #sigh

 2. Detach Emotionally

There are some things that can be known in the mind, but that don't quite penetrate the emotional part of us, our Inner Child. Detaching emotionally may require a few different things, such as expressing your feelings about the situation, talking to a safe friend, writing, journaling, doing art or doing some form of movement such as yoga, karate or dance. Maybe singing is your thing? Whatever it is, allow your inner child to express his or her feelings of sadness, fear, loneliness (sometimes it's lonely to stand up to others and not seek agreement from loved ones). Allow your Inner Child to let go in his or her time, all the while allowing your Healthy Adult Self to gently lead the way.

3. Detach by Self Validation

Validating yourself is a way of reparenting yourself using positive affirmations, self talk and I AM statements. Validating yourself is the process of telling yourself that "it's okay to let go." or perhaps, "That person is lashing out because of what's going on inside of them, don't take it personally." or "Your needs are valid. You have a right to need what you need regardless of what that lady thinks." or "Way to go! You just validated your need and asserted a boundary. You rock!" Self validation is about underscoring your own truth just like a healthy parent would.

4. Detach by Distraction

So often when we're addicted to people pleasing or getting the approval of others, we become almost obsessed to getting the consensus of those who are important to us. One way to override the obsessive rumination and fear of not pleasing others is to distract yourself with some other activity. Perhaps you can exercise, call a friend, go shopping or practice visualization techniques. Whatever it takes to get your mind off the person or people from whom you are detaching.

5. Detach by Your Higher Power

Admit to your Higher Power that you are powerless to the desire to get everyone to agree with you, to like you, to be pleased with you. Release this need to your Higher Power by doing a Step 1 and reciting the serenity prayer. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the power to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."Your higher power will carry you through... God is stronger than your habit of people pleasing, fixing and rescuing others.

These are all healthy ways to detach from the drama and unhealthy, toxic behaviors of yourself and others. The more we detach from unhealthy relating, the more free we will be to allow good, nourishing people and experiences into our lives.

Here's to YOU. :)

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