Monday, March 16, 2015

Narcissists Cannot Validate Consistently

Invalidation is one of the central methods of covert narcissistic abuse. The Narcissist simply CANNOT validate anyone consistently. For the Narcissist to validate your personal truth would be for you to cease being an object; and cease being an extension of themselves. You see, Narcissists see others as objects to be used for their own benefit, not as individual beings. If they validate your truth, it will mean that they themselves do not exist. It is only by pathologically turning others into objects to use and exploit that they experience any sense of self.

Please see my article on Validating Your Truth here.

A Narcissist is programmed (due to developmental trauma) to knock you over, kick you off center, cause you to be confused and not know who you are without them telling you who you are. Also, if the Narcissist were to validate you, then you would be strengthened enough to realize what it is that they're doing. They simply cannot support you in connecting to your own truth because doing so would strengthen your identity (ego) and make you immune to their manipulations.

The child of the narcissist is hurt the most by the invalidation of these predators because the child never gets to learn who they are because the narcissist refuses to mirror the child's truth back to him or her, because doing so would mean that their child is an individual--and that's appalling to the narcissist who wishes to use their offspring as an object, source of narcissistic supply, and an extension of themselves to exploit as they so desire. The child of the narcissist will only be validated when doing so butters them up for later abuse by their mentally disordered parent.

Narcissists invalidate constantly, in fact, invalidation is at the root of almost every form of narc abuse:
  • Gas Lighting - Abuse tactic to get you to question your own sanity (truth). This tact occurs in myriad ways; the end result is the questioning of ones own experience and feelings.
  • Intermittent Reinforcement - Hot and cold treatment leaves victim confused and bewildered. When in the throws of the high times with the narcissist, one is happier than ever, then when the narcissist shows their bad side, it causes one to feel lower than ever. All this is done to confuse, entrap and disorient the victim so that he or she will be less likely to recognize exploitive behavior on the part of the narc.
  • Silent Treatment - The Silent Treatment is a covert form of narcissistic abuse that also includes tactics such as ignoring, relegating to text contact, or any other form of subtle disrespect that is an attempt to punish you for not going along with the narcissists abuse--or offending the narcissist in any way. The Silent Treatment is a giant energy suck because it causes the victim to obsess over the reasons for the silence, and to reverse the energy by trying to get the narc's attention. The Silent Treatment is a covert psychological ambush that renders the victim more likely to be open to invalidation later when the nice narc finally decides you're worth talking to.
  • Mimicry - The narcissist mirrors people to make them feel flattered, loved and special, however, the narcissist does not love anyone and doesn't think anyone is special except him or herself. Mimicry is a fake process the narcissist uses to trick you into thinking that he or she cares, and thus causes you to trust, empathize-with and rely on the narcissist even more.
Narcissists will, however, validate you during the idealization stage--or else who would give them their energy? However, as soon as narcissists have taken what they want, or gained the sense of power and control they are seeking, they naturally morph into the invalidating role intermittently, of course, just to keep you from noticing their thievery.

It has been my experience that people who are unable to validate your truth are narcissistic, and potentially malignant narcissists--it all depends on where they fall on the continuum. Still, knowing that narcissists cannot validate your truth consistently is a good way to weed out the takers from the good people in your life who are capable of respect, intimacy and validation.

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