Should You Vent Your Frustrations?

6 Virtues and 6 Vices of Venting - Love this article on Psychology today. Decided to save it here so I can read it again a few times, and also so my friends can read it too.

Do You Need Approval from Others?

When you need approval from others you are operating with an AGENDA in your relationships. Your need for approval blocks the path to true intimacy. If you want to have fulfilling relationships, then you need to already have approval within yourself before interacting with others. Trying to get approval at every turn is arduous, exhausting and selfish. You may not be intentionally hogging the show, after all, you are respecting the person enough to want their approval, but your hard work to win approval sucks the life out of everyone around you.

The truth is, you don't need anyone's approval. You just need your own. For some reason, when you're trying to get the approval of others, you've placed too much importance on them. You've projected your own personal need for your own approval onto them. You've given their opinion of your worth more value than you're own opinion of your worth when you're aiming to get their approval. No one needs to approve of you, but you.

We all engage in approval seeking behaviors. The more we try to get the approval of others, the more cut off we are from others. The less we feel we need the approval of others, the more mature we are, and the more capable we are of having healthy, mutually beneficial relationships. If you stop trying to get approval from others, you have time to stop and take notice of them. You can empathize with them, learn more about them, engage with them more deeply. No need to try to get your unmet dependency needs met as you go. Take care of your own stuff on your own time. When you're relating with others, keep your personal self worth needs off the table.

Nonviolent Communication

"NVC guides us to focus our consciousness on four areas. First, we observe what is happening within and around us without judging or evaluating. Second, we identify what we are feeling, as opposed to what we are thinking or how we are interpreting the situation. Third, we uncover the needs that are at the root of our feelings and express them clearly. Fourth, we request that another person take an action that might fulfill our needs and enrich our lives, without demanding that the person satisfy our request in order to avoid judgment or punishment from us."

Nonviolent Communication

The components of nonviolent communication are relatively simple and straightforward. There is a four-part process that consists of

1) making an observation,
2) identifying any feelings,
3) expressing needs, and
4) making a life-affirming request.

The other point of nonviolent communication is to express honestly and receive empathetically, creating a space in which direct, true, open-hearted, non-judgmental, non-confrontational communication can take place.

Continue reading on Examiner.com Mindfulness, compassion, and language

NonViolent Communication



How to Practice Nonviolent Communication

1. State the observations that are leading you to feel the need to say something.
This should be factual observations with no judgment. 

2. State the feeling that the observation is triggering in you.
Naming the feeling without moral judgement enables you to connect in a spirit of mutual respect and
communication. 

3. State the NEED that is causing that feeling, or try to guess the need of the other person.


4. Make a concrete request for action to meet the need just identified.

Non-Violence / Equality

Love This!!!

Equality in Dating Relationships Wheel