100 Things About Assertiveness

Assertiveness is knowing who you are and what you deserve. This inner-superpower takes complete ownership of your energy and life force.  Assertiveness is related to the loving parent a healthy person has on the inside.  The panache of self love is knowing who you are and defending yourself, and fending for yourself with confidence and authenticity.

1. Assertiveness gets your needs met. 
2. Assertiveness stands up for you.
3. Assertiveness gives you the power to say no.
4. Assertiveness helps you stand up to your own inner-critic.
5. Assertiveness sets boundaries in relationships.
6. Assertiveness holds your identity together.
7. Assertiveness helps you get your point across. 
8. Assertiveness walks away from anything that steals, abuses or hurts.
9. Assertiveness proves that you're not afraid to be who you are.
10. Assertiveness speaks its mind.
11. Assertiveness knows who it is.
12. Assertiveness knows what its worth.
13. Assertiveness knows its rights in relationship.
14. Assertiveness knows what it is doing.
15. Assertiveness doesn't cow down.
16. Assertiveness may be afraid, but still stands up.
17. Assertiveness is only available to those who know who they are.
18. Assertiveness is hard for those with strict, regimented, stringent upbringings. 
19. Assertiveness is impossible if you're dependent on the person.
20. Assertiveness proves you love yourself.
21. Assertiveness is a learned-skill.
22. Assertiveness level is dictated by your level of knowledge of your personhood.
23. Assertiveness earns respect.
24. Assertiveness may seem counter-intuitive to those who give themselves away to earn love.
25. Assertiveness isn't angry.
26. Assertiveness is firm. 
27. Assertiveness is straight forward, up-front.
28. Assertiveness is the antithesis of manipulation.
29. Assertiveness is a mixture of knowing your rights with a dash of anger.
30. Assertiveness keeps you from being manipulated and controlled.
31. Assertiveness keeps you from being hurt by abusive people.
32. Assertiveness lessens the times you're confronted with assholes.
33. Assertiveness conserves your energy for pursuits that are in your best interest.
34. Assertiveness knows that you're worthy of protection.
35. Assertiveness protects you.
36. Assertiveness is like an inner-body guard.
37. Assertiveness doesn't make exceptions for bad behavior.
38. Assertiveness is chilled out, natural and clear.
39. Assertiveness is not passive aggressive.
40. Assertiveness asks directly for what it wants.
41. Assertiveness is no whiner.
42. Assertiveness takes ownership of his/her own life.
43. Assertiveness takes accountability for its internal.
44. Assertiveness says what it means and means what it says.
45. Assertiveness is not afraid of what people think about it.
46. Assertiveness doesn't need approval.
47. Assertiveness is the guarder of the individual person.
48. Assertiveness helps you stay whole so you can experience empathy.
49. Assertiveness does not lose its temper.
50. Assertiveness does not give into poor treatment.
51. Assertiveness is always aware.
52. Assertiveness considers the other person.
53. Assertiveness tactfully gets its point across.
54. Assertiveness is a tool for intimacy in relationships.
55. Assertiveness is the manager of boundaries.
56. Assertiveness is your backbone--it helps structure your person.
57. Assertiveness requires that you believe you are valuable, worthy & loved.
58. Assertiveness requires you to believe in yourself.
59. Assertiveness means you know what you're doing.
60. Assertiveness is confident, grounded and centered.
61. Assertiveness shapes your different-ness.
62. Assertiveness is the guarder of your individuality.
63. Assertiveness is alive and awake.
64. Assertiveness is the opposite of doormat. 
65. Assertiveness is not aggression.
66. Assertiveness doesn't care what others think.
67. Assertiveness knows that being degraded is not an option.
68. Assertiveness allows you to go out and do what you want.
69. Assertiveness says no, even though that may hurt you to say it.
70. Assertiveness lets nothing steal its self esteem.
71. Assertiveness positions your persona.
72. Assertiveness gives clear intentions.
73. Assertiveness knows it has got what it takes.
74. Assertiveness creates space for you to enjoy life's pleasures.
75. Assertiveness ends rumination.
76. Assertiveness clears your life of unneeded junk.
77. Assertiveness acts on your behalf.
78. Assertiveness is strength, not weakness.
79. Assertiveness comes from a place of self respect and love.
80. Assertiveness calls out what's real and what's bullshit.
81. Assertiveness dictates how other people can treat you.
82. Assertiveness gets rid of people who won't let you be who you are.
83. Assertiveness is not butt-kissing.
84. Assertiveness is on your side.
85. Assertiveness never sacrifices its dignity. 
86. Assertiveness stops people from pushing you around.
87. Assertiveness is grown-up.
88. Assertiveness is the fence around your emotional world.
89. Assertiveness is that hand that talks to the face.
90. Assertiveness is an attitude of certainty.
91. Assertiveness
92. Assertiveness
93. Assertiveness
94. Assertiveness
95. Assertiveness
96. Assertiveness
97. Assertiveness
98. Assertiveness
99. Assertiveness
100. Assertiveness

 of self compassion, honor and dignity.

What are we defending?

doling out its goodies consciously and with complete self control.

Relationship Rights

Relationship Bill of Rights 
by Divine Caroline

Have you ever thought about what a relationship should be … what a self-loving, self-respecting person is entitled to in a healthy relationship? Of course you have! I’ve addressed this in various dimensions in lots of other posts, but I thought it would be fun to draft a general relationship bill of rights. Mine can serve as a guide for you to begin one of your own, based on your particular experiences and ideals.

In my opinion, you are born with the inalienable right to a relationship that:

1. Lets you make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. Mistakes are human. Mistakes allow us to learn, to grow, and to become better as individuals and when done right as couples. In a healthy relationship, we must have the room to stumble and not be scorned for it.

2. Lets you be 100 percent yourself. A relationship worth staying in is one that you feel free to be all of the dimensions of you, all of the time. If a piece of is hibernating out of fear that it will not be accepted, then that piece will ultimately shrivel up and die, making you feel less than your complete worth.

3. Lets you to state your needs and have them met. Being assertive about your need-states is critical—how else can you get them met? By doing so you are honoring your rights and letting your partner know what it will take to make you satisfied. A proper partner will give you a stage to allow this to happen and work with you to ensure reasonable needs are fulfilled.

4. Lets you freely express your feelings. We are born to express our feelings. After all, we come out of the womb, crying … crying for warmth, attention, nourishment. And it never stops. We biologically need to express our feelings and we need to be felt/heard by the heart/ears that those feelings fall upon.

5. Makes you feel safe and secure. Another innate quality we do not outgrow from birth is our need for security. Security comes in different forms for different people, but once you identify what makes you feel safe and secure, it is critical that you have it in your relationship; it serves as a foundational element to grow on.

6. Gives you room to grow. Throughout your life, you will continue to evolve. As life throws you new challenges you will need room to meet them head- and heart-on, which often requires developing new life skills. This means that you will not be the same person a year from now, five years from now, and so on, that you are today (and that’s a good thing!). A healthy partner respects and encourages such a process.

7. Is not physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally or sexually abusive. Duh.

8. Lets you ask for help. Being able to ask for help is a sign of strength, not one of weakness. Despite many women’s desire to be able to leverage superwoman-like powers and handle it all, you can’t. You have the right to ask for help, and the right to get it.

9. Does not demand you take on responsibility for another’s problem. Sure, relationships are about helping one another through each other’s tough times, but they are not about becoming solely responsible for another person’s mess. When you enter a relationship, each member must be responsible for what they bring in and what they collect along the way.

10. Allows you to walk away, whenever you want, for whatever reason you choose. Relationships aren’t about control … not in the free society in which we choose to live. We should only be in a relationship if it is a healthy, prosperous one for us; if it is not, we should and must be able to depart it.

What else would you add to your relationship bill of rights? What should you get unequivocally from a relationship, no matter what?

Live and love largely,
Tristan

Basic Rights in a Relationship

• The right to good will from the other
• The right to emotional support
• The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy
• The right to have your own view, even if your mate has a different view
• The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real
• The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you find offensive
• The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is
  legitimately your business
• The right to live free from accusations and blame
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment
• The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect
• The right to encouragement
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
• The right to be called by no name that devalues you
• The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered

BASIC RIGHTS IN ANY RELATIONSHIP
The right to goodwill from the other.

The right to emotional support.

The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.

The right to have our feelings and experience acknowledged as real.

The right to receive a sincere apology.

The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.

The right to live free from accusation and blame.

The right to live free from criticism and judgment.

The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.

The right to encouragement.

The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.

The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.

The right to be called by no name that devalues you.

The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

The right to protect own physical and emotional health.

The right to be treated with respect.

The right to express your own beliefs, feelings, opinions, convictions, values and traditions.

QUESTIONS BELOW PRESENT A CRITERIA BY WHICH TO EVALUATE WHEN STARTING ANY NEW RELATIONSHIP

Does he/she have a sense of joy in life?

Do I enjoy his/her ideas, and do I feel a rapport with him/her?

Do I feel a real connection, laughing together and catching meanings in the same way?

Is there a best-friend quality to my relationship?

Do I feel relaxed with him/her?

Can I really be myself without criticism?

Does he/her share his/her interests with me and express an interest in mine?

Does he/she speak openly and honestly about himself/herself?

Do I feel warmth and understanding from him/her?

Is his/her humour often at the expense of others, or is it bitter or intimidating, or does it make me uncomfortable?

Does he/she seem distrustful of a number of other people?

Does he/she argue against my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and experiences?

Is time spent with him/her not as pleasant as I usually anticipate?

Is his/her world composed of ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’?

Does he/she seem to understand or remember things differently from me?

Does he/she make assumptions about me based on anecdotal evidence?

Most important of all are your own feelings. If you experience the slightest feeling that something is wrong, it is.

It is time to move on to find someone that will love and respect you with all his/her heart.



 Human Rights For Those Involved in Intimate Relationships

This is an excerpt from:  Exit Support Network

Many in deceptive, controlling groups have been helplessly abused by those in authority. This article helps you to know what your human rights are.

• The right to share equally with your partner all decisions and responsibilities related to your relationship, children, home and finances.
• The right to share equally with your mate in all financial decisions.
• The right to have friendships outside of your relationship as long as you do not violate the privacy of your relationship with your partner.
• The right to have friendships outside of your relationship as long as you do not violate the privacy of your relationship with your partner.
• The right to express your opinion and then be given the same respect and consideration as those of your mate.
• The right to have and express your sexual needs and desires without feeling like you are selfish, demanding, or aggressive.
• The right to have your emotional, physical and intellectual needs be as important as the needs of your mate.
• The right to expect your mate to do his/her part to resolve difficulties to your relationship.
• The right to hold your mate responsible for his behavior rather than assuming that responsibility yourself.
• The right to seek professional help with your relationship.
• The right never to be physically attacked or emotionally degraded by your mate and the right to end the relationship (and to seek safety), if either occurs.
• The right to expect significant behavioral changes rather than apologies and promises from your partner if a single battering incident occurs.
• The right to not blame yourself if the relationship in which you have invested so much love and effort ends.

NOTE: It stands to reason that if a husband and wife are abiding in Christ and love Him, having Him as the center of their life, they will be respecting "human rights in marriage." Unfortunately, too many in abusive religious groups have placed obedience to the "government of God" as the center of their marriage, rather than the Lord Jesus Christ.

Assertive Rights