How to Trust the Universe

Love Yourself Enough

I'm going to start a series called "Love Yourself Enough." I'm going to write a bunch of graphics that remind us to love ourselves enough. XO

LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH to let people unfold before you let them in. 

~ Jenna SelfLoveU 

Love yourself enough to detach from other people's problems.
~ Jenna SelfLoveU

Trust Life and Let Go

So much of it has to do with lack of trust in life. It's like I used to feel I had to cling onto what I had because I'd never get another chance at love--but this is catastrophic thinking. I had to learn to breathe deep and trust life. There is no other way because the truth is... Love is right around the corner. In fact YOU ARE LOVE. You can trust life. You can trust God. You can trust the Universe. You can let go. You can detach. You survive on your own. You can stand on your own two feet without falling. So you want love, then love will come, no worries, but you have to learn to let go first. Learning to love is about letting go and trusting that it will come back to you. Loving yourself enough to tolerate limbo through self soothing... Enjoying now instead of clamoring for yesterday. Have faith that you'll get another chance-and another--and another--and another... We get to fall down a million times if needed to learn how to love, how to connect and how to relate. There is always another chance so long as we're breathing. "Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." And there is a net underneath us that catches us gracefully each time we fall. So let go, let yourself fall...fall...fall...allow yourself to feel the pain of falling without holding onto the sides (or onto your man or woman). Just let go and experience that which you fear and you will find that at the very bottom, all the way down, down, down... that YOU are there at the bottom and you will pick yourself back up. Let go, fall, trust, rise again knowing that you're strong enough to fall without clinging. You can detach. You can tolerate what's there. And there is always another chance.

Don't Force It

You can't force life. You are not in control. Trying to make something happen when it's not happening is a lesson in futility. Blaming yourself, wondering where you went wrong, blaming others, feeling like crap, feeling less-than because something didn't work as planned is taking on more responsibility than you have. Sometimes things happen. Sometimes things don't work out. Trying to force things to happen the way you want it to leads to a big, huge mess.

I know you want things to work out your way. I know you want to be in a relationship, or you want to succeed in that industry, or you want to get that job or make that friend, but sometimes the answer is no. You have zero control of the cause and effect of things outside of yourself. You only have control of you. The sooner you learn to let go and let life flow, the faster you'll be to your next good moment.

Realize when things are not going your way, sometimes that means that something better is out there for you. It doesn't mean that all is lost. Tune into the lesson in every situation. It is the lessons we learn when we stay open to life that take us higher and guide us to the next step.

Forcing things just screws your life up. When you stay longer than you're supposed to stay, when you mold yourself into something you're not, when you let go of your truth to fit into some scenario that's not your own, you become a fake person... just a flake of your true self.

When you try to get people to change, win people over, make the world realize that you're correct, try to get people to understand, get approval before you continue or do anything that involves manipulating and controlling how others think or feel about you or anything, you are forcing things that are not yours to force. You are weaving a web to trap yourself in. No need! Just release, let go, let things flow. Don't force. Trust that the God of your understanding is leading you to your Highest Good. 

Who Should You Trust? By Natalie Lue

Here are some great articles about Trust from Ms Natalie Lue. I love her writings, they always hit me right in the center of the nose.

The Circle of Trust 
Do you know who’s in yours & why? Are you even inside your own circle?

I love this piece that Natalie did. I have 100s of such diagrams that I created with marker. Maybe I will get a little more fancy some day... 

"If you put others before you it means that you're either outside of your own circle or that you're in it but not in the centre - that is a big problem. Remember that when you neglect you, any 'ole body can come along with a crumb and between you and this person it will be inflated into a loaf because it will appear to be more than you're already giving to you." ~ Nat Lue

“Help! I’m scared of trusting!” Relax! There’s no need to be so ‘tight’ with trust!

Debit and Credit Trust System   

"You need to address your own relationship with you first because I’m yet to come across anybody who distrusts themselves that’s able to healthily trust others. They either trust blindly and do the equivalent of handing themselves over lock and key to a stranger and jumping into a pool of sharks or they struggle to trust and don’t seem to be able to differentiate between fear and knowledge or internal fear VS external fear."

"Learning how to trust others and use your judgement also means that you need to clear out all of the blame you’ve been taking on because when you tend to engage in the It’s All About Me and One False Move mentalities, you tend to gauge a situation and find a way to make you at fault for it. This makes it very difficult to trust because you’re hardly going to want to add more problems to your ever increasing list of crimes you haven’t actually committed."

"From when you meet a person on day zero, they begin to unfold. Anything you think they are initially is an impression, not who they are, because who someone is, is based on experience of them. They’ll either live up to or even exceed this impression… or miss it. That’s nothing to be afraid of because dating or just getting to know any person is a discovery phase that irrespective of the outcome, it’s an experience that can enrich or help you in some way. As long as you’re not expecting to instantly know someone or to ‘know’ them without actually truly knowing them, or claiming to ‘know’ them based on superficial BS, what you will be expecting is that it will take time before you’re going to get to know someone so you won’t have unrealistic expectations or be surprised by information that was always there but ignored. If you trust you to do your due diligence and not live in la-la land, anything that does come your way, you’ll handle it. Believe you."

 

5 Reasons Why Abused People Trust Those Who Are Unworthy

Abused people are often most loyal to those who are least worthy of it. Steven Brownlow, PhD

Why is that? Why do abused people remain loyal to unworthy people? Well, as a formerly abused person, I can give the answers to the reasons why an abused person would remain loyal to an unworthy person.

1. Abused people don't have emotional sensors to help them define unworthy treatment. 

An abused person is used to being hurt, exploited, disappointed, abused and disregarded. Poor treatment is customary for one who was abused in childhood. When you've never experienced positive, loving interactions, it is difficult to know the difference. You don't know what you're missing. When all you've ever known is abuse, you are attracted to that same abusive behavior--conditioned, so to speak to the abuse.

Learning to trust your instincts is difficult for the formerly abused person because they were denied access to their own feelings in order to survive the abuse from childhood.  It's like being on a road with no directional signs. You have to learn from scratch how to decipher different feelings in your heart in order to know what you're experiencing, and then you have to learn new skills for expressing your needs and setting boundaries. This is a monumental task as an adult! It's hard to make-up for many years of maltreatment, but it can be done. You can get free from abusive relationship patterns.

2. Abused people can experience repetition compulsion.

When all you've ever known is mistreatment, you have a psychological desire to right the wrongs of the past, plus, if you've always been treated bad, you may have learned to enjoy being treated that way.  This is called repetition compulsion (Freud), where you get in a relationship with a person like your abusive parent in an attempt to make them love you. It's all subconscious and leads to further pain for the abused person. In some respects, however, it actually feels good to be treated badly making it very difficult to break free from the cycle.

3. Abused people may feel unworthy of proper, respectful treatment.

Someone who was harmed as a child likely has been given the message by caretakers, and others throughout life that he or she is not worthy. As such, that person may not feel worthy deep down at the core. If you don't feel worthy, you will tolerate disrespect. If you do not feel worthy you will try to PROVE your worth to another person in order to EARN their love. Or, you may mold your desires to suit their wishes and whims and totally lose yourself, your identity in the process.

4. Abused people desperately need someone to love and trust, but don't know what trust is.

Abused people were not given the basic training manual on how to develop trust. Without someone to trust to begin with, how can you learn to trust? It's difficult, but not impossible with much dedication and diligence. If the abused person is not completely healed, and if he or she does not know their worth, they may trust someone prematurely with their valuable heart and soul. What the abused person needs is a road map, and lots of practice in knowing who and how to trust others.

5. Abused people are easily fooled.

An abused person has parts of them that are as naive as a child when it comes to relating with other human beings. That's because abuse stunts the emotional development of a person. The abused person's need for love and lack of protective warning sensors in their emotions makes them a sitting duck for abusive others. An abuser who gets out of exploiting others can easily get past that person's defenses and close to their heart where they can take advantage like a fox in the hen house. Afterall, if abused as a child, it's like growing up with the fox (exploiter) as a caretaker. Without the proper guidance and conditioning, the abused person is like a sitting duck.

Abused people lack the natural defenses needed to guide and protect them from further abuse. They may also be prone to self-sabotage. Defenses to trusting someone who is untrustworthy include:

• Self worth / Self love
• Assertiveness
• Emotional maturity
• Clear boundaries
• Internal Support

Solution...

What can be done? How can someone who was abused stop the cycle of abuse as an adult? How can he or she turn back time and re-program their mind so they can stop trusting the wrong people who will only end up breaking their hearts and leaving them in pain?

1. Mindfulness

It's important that we all know what is going on with our own body, mind and soul. Mindfulness is a technique to help the abused person become more aware of their inner world and get more in tune
with their thoughts, feelings, emotions, needs and desires.

2. Emotional Clarity

The abused person must heal from the emotional hurts that were inflicted as a child through the releasing of pent up sadness, shame, anger and rage. These e-motions are simply "energy-in-motion" that must be processed to be resolved. Once you become in touch with these deep emotions, you are more emotionally available to yourself and these emotions are accessible to you for inner guidance.

3. Assertiveness

An abused person needs a huge dose of assertiveness, which I have found comes naturally when you get in touch with any repressed anger you hold inside during the emotional clarity process. Rage is an infantile emotion that develops into assertiveness, if one is raised properly. If not raised properly, rage turns inward and you become a doormat. If you want to get assertive, you need to get mad. You need to get mad at people who are out to abuse you and turn away from poor treatment immediately.

4. Reprogram Your Mind

If an abused person wishes to stop being drawn to untrustworthy people, he or she must get out of their comfort zone. They must create new neurological synapses that rewire their brains so that they are capable of one day being comfortable with positive treatment. Your brain has plasticity, so this is possible. It's not easy, but it is possible.

5. Set Boundaries

You must set limits and boundaries within yourself and outside of yourself with others. Boundaries are not easy to set when you come from an abusive background where boundaries were not allowed. Abusers hate boundaries! You must, however, overcome your tendency to merge psychologically with others and to lay down like a door mat. Your boundaries protect your identity and keep you safe and free from harm. It is your job to learn to set boundaries. Practice makes perfect!

What do you think? Are there any other things a person should do? I would love to hear from you. Please comment...

Non-Violence / Equality

Love This!!!

Equality in Dating Relationships Wheel