Catch Myself

The first time I did this self soothing thing, it freaked me out. I had been healing and dealing with my wounds, then I started going into a shame spiral one day... like I always did for years, feeling bad, putting myself down, reminding myself of how bad my life was, saying I was just going to fall down the pit and DIE. I actually caught myself saying this!!! Then, all of the sudden, driving down the road in Frisco, Texas, I heard a voice in my own heart say, "NO YOU WON'T." It was the sweetest, most loving voice I'd ever heard. It was MY OWN VOICE INSIDE. I couldn't believe it. My kind voice cradled me. It caught me. It stopped me from falling. This was the most beautiful experience... This voice speaks to me every day now. It's beautiful and you need to find your own. 


Inner Healing: Catching Myself

I keep catching myself;
not throwing back,
don't even know why I'm in the air--
but at least I'm catching myself
and it feels much better
than hitting the ground. 

Jenna Ryan
2012 

Self Soothing | Self Talk

Group Member: One of my exes, did this and that and the other... turns out me and my friend are texting the same guy... Now I'm upset and I want to befriend my ex again...


Jenna Ryan So you're upset and you need to soothe yourself but you don't know how... So you're going to put your vulnerable soul on the line by using a guy as a construct of your ego? That's not self love. That's setting yourself up for rejection. I feel sad to hear this.

Jenna Ryan When you're upset you need to soothe yourself (reparenting) with healthy, nourishing techniques and self talk. The last thing you need to do is be rejected by your ex.

I recommend that you practice Self Soothing. 

Group Member: Thank you Jenna Ryan. Very helpful!! I screen shotted it all on my phone. I believe my ex is going to reject my idea to hang out together.. 

Jenna Ryan Miss (    ) that's not what your inner child needs. She's crying out to you and it is abandoning to her for you to ignore and reject her tears and instead send her out to be eaten by the wolves of your exes who have already proven they're no good for her (you). It is your responsibility to take care of the little girl inside and not run to men for validation, love, care and comfort. You have it inside of you to do this for yourself, you just need to know how, then you need practice.

Jenna Ryan It hurts me so badly to know that you do not realize that you have the capability to soothe your own soul. This is something you should have been taught, but instead someone robbed you of this knowledge. It literally makes me want to cry because I know how badly it hurts and I lived with that pain since I was little. Thank goodness I've been healed. 

Group Member:  I don't even cry from it anymore.. I used to drink it away but that led to more problems. Maybe I should allow myself to cry once more.

Jenna Ryan Yeah. You've numbed yourself to it. The good news is that you can learn it now while you're young and save yourself all the years I had to go through it. Many wasted years!!! Also, let me tell you. The way you're feeling and stuff is not the way it has to be. There is healing that can be yours if you seek it. Your life would be completely better, all the things you want, if you learned yourself and healed yourself, all those things would come true. Life is beautiful and meant to be enjoyed. That's the secret people don't realize.

Group Member:  Jenna, sometimes it's hard to imagine life on the other side. I've been addicted to love since age 12, now I'm 22. I wouldn't say I've had many healthy relationships.

Well, start self soothing instead of friending your ex. :) 

Group Member: I will do whatever it takes to get out of this mess I've been stuck in.

Jenna Ryan The first time I did this self soothing thing, it freaked me out. I had been healing and dealing with my wounds, then I started going into a shame spiral one day... like I always did for years, feeling bad, putting myself down, reminding myself of how bad my life was, saying I was just going to fall down the pit and DIE. I actually caught myself saying this!!! Then, all of the sudden, driving down the road in Frisco, Texas, I heard a voice in my own heart say, "NO YOU WON'T." It was the sweetest, most loving voice I'd ever heard. It was MY OWN VOICE INSIDE. I couldn't believe it. My kind voice cradled me. It caught me. It stopped me from falling. This was the most beautiful experience... This voice speaks to me every day now. It's beautiful and you need to find your own. 

The Practice of Self Soothing

Self soothing is a practice that I found I was completely missing earlier in my life. What is it? Self soothing is more than just bubble baths, candles, journaling and yoga, though it can include those things. Self soothing is something much deeper and more personal; and perhaps one of the most important aspects of Self Love that you can foster yourself.

Self soothing is the ability to calm yourself down in moments of stress or intense emotions. It is your emotional barometer, your internal regulator that keeps you emotionally stable, balanced and effective in personal mood control and relationships. Without the ability to soothe yourself, you cannot tolerate much. If you don't have enough self soothing tools in your toolbox, your relationship with yourself and others will suffer.

Adequate self care is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, and for keeping you secure as a person. You need to find ways to reconnect with yourself and recenter--regardless of what is going on around you. Think of self soothing as a baby sucking its thumb. It's a way to stay cool until mama gets her butt over here. For us, we need ways to soothe ourselves, to reassure ourselves as an escape from hard, intense emotions.

If you don't have adequate self soothing skills that are learned naturally through parenting in childhood, then you're going to have a difficult time in life. Symptoms of lacking this skill include cutting, addiction and even suicide. People who are severely depressed are likely missing this important self-nurturing capability. Thankfully, the process of self soothing can be learned and practiced.

There are many ways to practice self soothing. Relaxation techniques are soothing to the psyche, and all self soothing involves positive, nurturing self talk. I'm going to break down different ways you can self soothe both physically, emotionally and mentally.

Physical Self Soothing

• Bubble Baths, Massages, Spa, Sauna, Steam Room
• Exercise, Yoga, Cardio, Weight Training, Swimming
• Organizing, Cleaning, Decorating Your Home 
• Cooking Your Favorite Meal
• Relaxing by the Fire
• Home Improvement, Painting, Refinishing
• Art, Poetry, Blogging, Social Media 
• Calling a Friend, Socializing
• Joining a Support Group, Booking a Therapist
• Attending Concert or Show
• Going out of your way for yourself
• Singing, Karaoke
• Hobbies, Flying, Skydiving
• Spending time with Children

 Emotional Self Soothing

Emotional self soothing is a way to keep you balanced and regulates your emotions. 

• Positive Self Talk
• Reminding Yourself of Positive Things You Did This Morning
• Restating negative self opinions, correcting yourself 
• Planning your personal time for the week
• Planning your social activities for the week
• Embracing your inner child
• Speaking to yourself compassionately
• Doing shame reduction work
• Writing letters to those who hurt you
• Writing out your thoughts, Journaling
• Being with yourself through your pain
• Breath Work to get in touch with emotions
• Speaking to yourself with compassion 
• Reminding yourself how far you've come
• Facing reality, not allowing your emotions to go overboard

Mental Self Soothing 

Mental Self Soothing is soothing your intellect. I like to think of it as ways you help yourself succeed. 

• Reminding yourself of past accomplishments
• Directing yourself on the steps you need to take to reach your goal
• Organizing your day
• Listening or reading motivational content
• Social media 
• Reading spiritual texts
• Reading intellectual material, or excellent fiction
• Planning for the future
• Planning your career
• Reminding yourself that You. Can. Do. It! 
• Learning about mentors

 These activities are productive ways to soothe yourself day-to-day, moment-to-moment. If practiced, you will become more vibrant, whole and attuned to your own spirit. I'm sure there is much more to add, but my eyes are sleepy, so goodnight! Love to all. <3

"Rigidity is a form of self soothing when you are afraid of the unknown." dotJenna