Narcissists Love to Hurt You

One thing a narcissist will do is abuse you directly. But a better tactic for the elusive narc is to have someone else abuse you instead of themselves. This keeps their hands clean. For this reason, a narcissist will almost always encourage you to...

• Stay in abusive situations.
• Ignore your own intuition.
• Feel guilty for taking up for yourself against others who bully you.
• Ignore toxic behavior.
• Just get over it.
• Blame yourself. 
• Apologize for everything.

A narcissist is not on your side. They don't care about you. As hard as this is to face, especially if this person is a family member, parent, sibling or spouse, it is something you must face in order to get out alive. The narcissist does not think like you; nor does he/she FEEL like you. They are different. They are heartless. Their only concern is for themselves, how they look. They only feel worthy when they make others feel unworthy. It's that simple.

They live to put you down and make you feel rotten, especially if you're a threat. If you're a threat, the narcissist will do everything possible to pull you down and trick you into feeling badly about yourself. They will manipulate you into thinking that you've brought the abuse on yourself... when really, it's their "support" that's kept you hanging onto people who are abusive to you. It's vital that you get the hell away from people who encourage you to stay in abusive or toxic situations. Someone who really cares about you wants to keep you from harm. A true person will encourage you to protect yourself at all costs.

If you are weak in any way... if you are needy in any way... if you harbor any self doubt whatsoever, the narcissist will hone in on this weakness and take full advantage of it. Never share your weakness with a narcissist. They feed on weak people with poor boundaries and weak sense of self. They have a sixth sense for vulnerability and are sizing you up constantly to see what they can exploit.Your pain is narcissistic supply to the narcissist... just like blood to the vampire.

Their ultimate goal is to steal you away from you. They want you to be dumb, confused and easy to control. Their self esteem is derived from making others feel like crap. They subtly encourage you to stay in abusive situations thus harming you without them actually doing it directly. When they're able to do this effectively, they get a little "kick" in their heart... like when a normal person feels when we are generous or make someone happy. A narcissist feels good when she inflicts pain on you.

The toxic behaviors of the narcissist ARE PAINFUL to a real person who has a real (not fake) heart. A real person has feelings and needs and wants true connection. The narcissist promises connection but then renigs on the deal at the last minute--after they feel they've dominated you. Their greatest pleasure is to cause others pain. Your pain is the narcissist gain. When you hurt, the narc feels like she has won, and in a way, she has.

If you allow yourself to be duped by the false promises of the narcissist to love and treat you with respect, then you can only look to yourself for the reason why. Why would you subject yourself to the put-downs, lies and manipulations of the narcissist? You must find out and repair those old wounds.

The only real way to win against the narcissist is to get away from them. They can never love and will forever hate you because you can. They will try to pull you into your web by getting close to your non-narc friends and family, but don't fall for the triangulation. The narcissist is all mirrors and lights. They have nothing you need. They can add nothing and can take nothing away. You are free and beautiful and amazing. Go out and love yourself and find real people to love. <3