13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks by Pete Walker, M.A.
- Say to yourself: "I am having a
flashback". Flashbacks take us into a timeless part of the psyche that
feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as we were in
childhood. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are past
memories that cannot hurt you now.
- Remind yourself: "I feel afraid but I am not
in danger! I am safe now, here in the present." Remember you are now in
the safety of the present, far from the danger of the past.
- Own your right/need to have boundaries.
Remind yourself that you do not have to allow anyone to mistreat you;
you are free to leave dangerous situations and protest unfair behavior.
- Speak reassuringly to the Inner Child. The
child needs to know that you love her unconditionally- that she can come
to you for comfort and protection when she feels lost and scared.
- Deconstruct eternity thinking: in
childhood, fear and abandonment felt endless - a safer future was
unimaginable. Remember the flashback will pass as it has many times
before.
- Remind yourself that you are in an adult
body with allies, skills and resources to protect you that you never had
as a child. [Feeling small and little is a sure sign of a flashback]
- Ease back into your body. Fear launches us into 'heady' worrying, or numbing and spacing out.
[a] Gently ask your body to Relax: feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage
them to relax. (Tightened musculature sends unnecessary danger signals to the brain)
[b] Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger).
[c] Slow down: rushing presses the psyche's panic button.
[d] Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself: wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed
animal, lie down in a closet or a bath, take a nap.
[e] Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that
cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self-destructively to it.
- Resist the Inner Critic's Drasticizing and
Catastrophizing: [a] Use thought-stopping to halt its endless
exaggeration of danger and constant planning to control the
uncontrollable. Refuse to shame, hate or abandon yourself. Channel the
anger of self-attack into saying NO to unfair self-criticism. [b] Use
thought-substitution to replace negative thinking with a memorized list
of your qualities and accomplishments
- Allow yourself to grieve. Flashbacks are
opportunities to release old, unexpressed feelings of fear, hurt, and
abandonment, and to validate - and then soothe - the child's past
experience of helplessness and hopelessness. Healthy grieving can turn
our tears into self-compassion and our anger into self-protection.
- Cultivate safe relationships and seek
support. Take time alone when you need it, but don't let shame isolate
you. Feeling shame doesn't mean you are shameful. Educate your intimates
about flashbacks and ask them to help you talk and feel your way
through them.
- Learn to identify the types of triggers that
lead to flashbacks. Avoid unsafe people, places, activities and
triggering mental processes. Practice preventive maintenance with these
steps when triggering situations are unavoidable.
- Figure out what you are flashing back to.
Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal our wounds
from past abuse and abandonment. They also point to our still unmet
developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met.
- Be patient with a slow recovery process: it
takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable
time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and
frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradually progressive
process [often two steps forward, one step back], not an attained
salvation fantasy. Don't beat yourself up for having a flashback.
>> More good articles on Pete-Walker.com
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