Stop Focusing On Toxic People in Your Life

My latest area of growth is in my areas of focus. For a long time I needed to focus on negative people and actions of others just to become aware of it. So for several years I've spent an inordinate amount of time focusing on negative behaviors of those around me that I was in so-called "relationship" with. I would call them out, post about it on FB, write blog posts about it. That was an important time of growth and awareness. I needed that time to separate ME from the negative environment I found myself in. I had to figure out how to set boundaries, how to walk away from toxic relationships, how to trust my intuition.

But there comes a time when you figure it out. I got it now. I know what poor behavior is. I know the silent treatment. I know gaslighting. I know the narcissist. I know it when I see it. Yeah, I still attract it to some extent--to a large extent. But what I'm learning to do now is ignore it. Let go of it. Stop pointing at it in my life because okay, calling them out does no good. Knowing what they're doing to me and getting them out of my life is enough. Enough already! Enough.

Now I am learning to focus on building positive connections and creating meaningful, fulfilling relationships. Sometimes it's easier to sit there and point the finger at mean people than it is to just be vulnerable and call up a friend who is kind. I'm learning to adjust my attention from negative behavior, to noticing those around me who are good, who are present, who are there for me. I'm opening my heart, giving my attention to those who give back. I'm looking for the positive, healthy loving people who care about me--no longer trying to change people who do not. It's so much more productive!

And the toxic relationships are falling away; for the first time, I'm experiencing true connection. Letting the good in and keeping the bad out. Give and take. Forgiving and forgetting. Allowing myself to feel my feelings and express them moderately with another person. Setting boundaries. Being respected. Wow. What a difference! What a better way to pass the time than to focus on abusive others.

There is a time for everything. There is a time to focus on the abuse you're enduring, but once you notice it, get out and stop focusing on it. Whatever you focus on you will draw to you. We create our own reality. So it's important to know what you're dealing with, and then to let them go. Send them on their way with love and light. We are all united. We are all part of the same whole. Nothing is gained by hating them. Just let them go.

Open your heart to the love that surrounds you. Give the healthy people who love you more of your time and attention. You find them everywhere, if only you stop looking to negative, painful and abusive others. Focus on people who are doing you right. If you don't know any, focus on finding them.

- Jenna Ryan 2016