25 Characteristics of Unresolved Dependency Issues

1. We assume responsibility for others’ feelings/behaviours

2. We feel overly responsible for others’ feelings/behaviours

3. We have difficulty in identifying feelings – am I… mad… sad… glad… scared?

4. We have difficulty in expressing feelings – am I….  mad… sad… glad… scared?

5. We tend to worry and/or fear how others may respond to our feelings

6. We have difficulty in feeling and/or maintaining relationships

7. We are afraid of being hurt or rejected by others

8. We are perfectionist and place too many expectations on ourselves and others

9. We have difficulty making decisions

10. We tend to minimize,  alter or even deny the truth about how we feel.

11. Other people’s actions and attitudes tend to determine how we respond and react.

12. Our fear of others’ feelings (mostly anger) determines what we say and do

13. We question or ignore our own values to connect with significant others.

14. We value others’ opinions more than our own.

15. Our self esteem is bolstered by outer/other influences.

16. We have major difficulty acknowledging good things about ourselves (Thank you, nice to hear)

17. Our serenity and mental attention is determined by how others are feeling and behaving.

18. We tend to judge everything we do,  think,  or say – harshly – by someone else’s standards.

19. Nothing is done,  said,  or thought that is “good enough“.

20. We do not know or believe that being vulnerable and asking for help is both okay and normal.

21. We don’t know that its okay to discuss problems outside the family,  that they are not “secrets”.

22. We don’t know that feelings just are – it is better to share them than to minimise/deny/justify them.

23. We tend to put other people’s wants and needs before our own.

24. We are steadfastly loyal – even when the loyalty is unjustified – and personally harmful.

25. We have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others (control struggle).

Author: Unknown