Friday, January 3, 2014
Cultivate Wonderful Feelings
Your FEELINGS send energy out into the planet. Your FEELINGS are your
vibration. Your FEELINGS are your waitress bringing you what you order.
People who believe they are worthless end up being worthless; those who believe they can do it are the only ones who can. #LOA
If you MUST obsess, then obsess on feeling good most of the time. Rid your mind of negative thoughts that make you feel badly. #LOA #success
You don't have to become a Super
Thinker overnight. You can incrementally train yourself by choosing
thoughts that are just a notch better..
Climb the Thought Ladder high into
the sky to reach your potential. Choose a thought that makes you feel a
tiny bit better than the last.
Catch your thoughts within 17 seconds. If it's a bad one, exchange it for a good one. You've got 17 seconds to turn it around. #Hicks #LOA
Remember the jungle gym? That vertical ladder thing? Let the next rung be a thought that feels a little better than your last. #Success #LOA
The way to spread your wings and fly is to spread your thoughts high. ~ dotJenna #LOA #Success #Soar #Power #SelfLove
A Phoenix rises out of the ashes of defeat, into high places by overcoming negative thoughts and feelings... #RiseUp #GetHappy
How to Secure Your Insecurities
Insecurities are tied to False Beliefs,
False Beliefs are tied to Conditioning,
False Beliefs are false because it is contrary to your true essence.
Any childhood messaging or learning that contradicts the truth of your essence--that you are pure love, valuable and incomparable in worth, and a powerful co-creator of life on this planet--causes pain and dysfunction in adulthood.
Anything you believe that is contrary to the truth that you are love, lovable and loving causes pain and dysfunction. The key to healing your insecurities is to encounter the true essence of who you really are. The reason your insecurities exist is because you question your own value. When you realize who you are, when you know who you are, your insecurities melt away like ice in the warm sun.
Insecurities are evident to those around you. When your insecurities are evident, it causes one to feel shame. No one wants to be seen as not believing they are worthy. Everyone puts on a fake mask of pretending to feel something that they do not feel.
Insecurities call for you to make up for your deficiencies to others. One way you try to make up for those places in which your personal worth is in question is via proving yourself to the world, and with people-pleasing behavior.
Your insecurities represent your internal beliefs, those core beliefs which you've determined your own individual worth as a person. These core beliefs are wrapped in layers of fear that the world will find out the truth--that you are in fact worthless and you know it. When this fear is triggered, the insecurity works overtime keeping the truth from yourself and everyone else.
You cannot hide insecurities. Insecurities show loud and clear to those who are not insecure. Insecurities drive much of our activity, including social media and blogging!!!
No one is completely secure. The only security is in knowing who you really are, without having to add anything or change anything about your true essence. Our culture does not raise children to be aware of their essence. Child rearing customs assault the child's security of knowing who they really are and the power that they hold to effect the world in lieu of compliance and conformity. Children today learn that their value is in following the rules and dictates of their parents, not in discovering their true powerful essence.
The key to securing your insecurities is to dig deep into yourself to find out what wires are crossed. Find out what lies you believed that are contrary to the truth that you are divine. The key to finding out where the lies are, since such core beliefs are embedded in the unconscious, is to look at your current dysfunction.
- What makes you run and hide?
- What makes you take a drink?
- What makes you addicted to that man or woman?
- What makes you check out?
- What makes you want to smoke?
- What makes you cry?
Thursday, January 2, 2014
How Boundaries and Self Love Mix
How Boundaries and Self Love Mix -
The definition of a boundary is subject to multiple interpretations. In psychology, a boundary is an emotional distance or mindset, a restriction that people place on others, and, they are present in all relationships. Setting boundaries tells people, how they can treat us. Boundaries are personal, emotional spaces that people learn to impose on others; to preserve the value of self love. To create an emotional space or place a boundary, is like setting an emotional psychological dividing line between the self and another person.
Personal boundaries are like the physical boundaries that are present between countries. One example of a boundary is the saying “Don’t Cross this line” in hopes that the other person will honor and respect the request. Well, we all know sometimes this does not happen. This article will be discussing how self love and boundaries mix.
The ability to execute an internal boundary depends on how people value their sense of self, their thoughts, ideas, and beliefs and is dependent on one’s ability to have self love. In general, people define relationships by how much they care for another, and by how much they want to maintain the sense of self. Once again this emotional “plastic wrap” is present in all relationships: family, friends, coworkers and everyone in the world. Accepting the boundaries that others impose, will put the relationship on a path that leads to mutual respect!
People who feel emotionally vulnerable or those who desperately want to seek approval from others are most susceptible to losing their sense of self because the protection, the “bubble wrap”, their emotional boundary was not noticed, properly set, or communicated. Be cautious about making too many compromises, as the “bubble wrap” can expand to the point of breaking, and may cause people to question their own thoughts, feelings and identity. This questioning leaves a hole in peoples self esteem. Emotional boundaries are indeed flexible; however they can break under stress, or when making too many compromises, much easier than the rigid concrete walls of China.
Tip 4: Reflections in the Mirror
Step 5: Be Happy
Written by Dr. Cheryl MacDonald, RN, Psy’D.
I like this article, so decided to repost some of it here:The definition of a boundary is subject to multiple interpretations. In psychology, a boundary is an emotional distance or mindset, a restriction that people place on others, and, they are present in all relationships. Setting boundaries tells people, how they can treat us. Boundaries are personal, emotional spaces that people learn to impose on others; to preserve the value of self love. To create an emotional space or place a boundary, is like setting an emotional psychological dividing line between the self and another person.
Personal boundaries are like the physical boundaries that are present between countries. One example of a boundary is the saying “Don’t Cross this line” in hopes that the other person will honor and respect the request. Well, we all know sometimes this does not happen. This article will be discussing how self love and boundaries mix.
What are Boundaries?
Internal, personal boundaries protect people from getting emotionally upset and external boundaries protect the country from invasion. The goals of both are to keep people out. Internal personal boundaries are something like an emotional “bubble wrap” which stretches a bit during conversations. Internal boundaries are different from the fixed and rigid external boundaries that countries establish. For example, the walls of China were so to speak constructed of stone.The ability to execute an internal boundary depends on how people value their sense of self, their thoughts, ideas, and beliefs and is dependent on one’s ability to have self love. In general, people define relationships by how much they care for another, and by how much they want to maintain the sense of self. Once again this emotional “plastic wrap” is present in all relationships: family, friends, coworkers and everyone in the world. Accepting the boundaries that others impose, will put the relationship on a path that leads to mutual respect!
People who feel emotionally vulnerable or those who desperately want to seek approval from others are most susceptible to losing their sense of self because the protection, the “bubble wrap”, their emotional boundary was not noticed, properly set, or communicated. Be cautious about making too many compromises, as the “bubble wrap” can expand to the point of breaking, and may cause people to question their own thoughts, feelings and identity. This questioning leaves a hole in peoples self esteem. Emotional boundaries are indeed flexible; however they can break under stress, or when making too many compromises, much easier than the rigid concrete walls of China.
How Self Love and Boundaries Affect the Abused Child
Adults who grew up neglected or abused have to contend with two emotionally opposing forces: 1. To accept a life in the only too satisfy other manner (co-dependent), or the opposite direction, 2. Accept the fact, that they are going to be the manipulators of people who struggle to get their own needs met, often at the expense of other another’s self esteem. People who do not respect or accept boundaries are the energy zappers of the world and can emotionally wear people down. If those protective boundaries are worn down enough, people will start to feel like, and, be victims of emotional abuse, just as they were when they were a child. Sometimes anger and resentment follows, and at other times, depression and anxiety symptoms develop. Those in this stage are the hurt and abused people, who also tend to weaken and injure people. The fortunate ones are able to process the hurt, get themselves into therapy to work through the pain of the abuse, with a kind caring therapist and bounce back with their identity, self-worth and self-acceptance restored.A Few Tips on Setting Boundaries
Tip 1: Setting Boundaries is the First Step to Regaining Control of Life.
If relationships are abusive and you find yourself being submissive accept a portion of this as being your responsibility. As adults, we have a choice. Ask if it is truly worth the pain and suffering to be with someone who is abusive: Someone who is not respecting your self worth.
It might seem like learning how to walk again, because this is indeed a new learning experience and change can be scary. It takes courage to face fears, but maybe some of these fears are of the imagination. For the first time in life, you might notice that there is another option. That choice is to find a compassionate therapist who can help and assist you on the journey towards learning self love.
Tip 2: Learning to Set Limits will affect your Partner.
This setting of boundaries is new and your partner is not adjusted to you setting these limits, therefore it is also a significant change in their mindset. Honesty with care is the best policy, but as quoted “to thine own self be true.”
Tip 3: Direct Communication is the Key
Misinterpretation or lack of communication turns molehills into mountains. Using clear, simple language in a direct, respectful fashion will make you feel proud, simply because you spoke your peace. If your partner raises an eyebrow, try not to assume you understand what they mean, because honestly you do not know what they are thinking. Even though we all might wish we had these remarkable mind reading abilities. Make your partner do some work, and make them verbally communicate their thoughts directly to you, in other words ask them what they mean by that raised eyebrow.
Tip 4: Reflections in the Mirror
Accept yourself and take responsibility for mistakes, we all make them at times in life. No one is perfect! We might not have set out to control, but sometimes it happens. This is not about being right or wrong with anyone; it is just learning how to effectively communicate. Forgive yourself, apologize and you seriously might get that joyful feeling of not only accepting yourself with making a mistake, you also might notice that warm, fuzzy feeling of inner joy when someone else forgives you for making that mistake! This takes real strength and courage.
Step 5: Be Happy
When we surrender, and allow others the opportunity to attack our boundaries, we say to them it is their responsibility, and let them take control over making the situation better. People absolve themselves of all responsibility, and this sets the scene for abuse. When in fact, there is another choice, strive towards making yourself happy.
In conclusion, if people had a healthy, nurturing childhood, they probably grew up feeling grounded, and learned how to protect their sense of self love, self-worth and have a sense of feeling internally proud. They learned how to set emotional boundaries, and learned how to say no, because they felt loved as a child. In their childhood experiences, there was no need to scavenge for affection, or try desperately to please, just to gain attention and love. They sensed love for their thoughts, beliefs and feelings, just for being in the world, even when they made mistakes. Thank your parents for their modeling, and giving this love to you, and I thank you for having the ability to model this behavior to the people in your life. It just makes the world a better place. This is how self love and boundaries mix.What is Respect?
Respect is allowing someone to be who they are without judging them or trying to change them into what you need them to be. ~ Pia Melody
Respect is allowing another person to be who they are. Self Respect is honoring yourself, honoring your own truth and standing up for yourself, even when others don't like what you have to say or who you are. Self Respect is sticking to your own truth and not bending to be accepted or approved of by others. Respecting others involves letting them be who they are without judging them or requiring that they fit your ideals in order to get your approval or acceptance.
I love respect. It feels amazing. XO
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Things Narcissists Do Tweet Recap
A Narcissist is someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This means that they are exploitative and can hurt you psychologically and emotionally if you get to close to them. People who take selfies may have narcissistic traits, but that does not make them narcissists, nor does it mean they have the disorder. Everyone has a measure of narcissism--that's healthy. It's the disordered individuals who have too much that we need to worry about.
There is the person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, then there is the malignant Narcissist that is completely sadistic. The worse type of person on this continuum is the psychopath and sociopath. The one thing that all these disordered people have in common is lack of empathy, and the way they use people as objects for narcissistic supply.
ThingsNarcissistsDo: No empathy. Cannot understand why their bad treatment of you causes you pain, nor do they care if it does. [tweet this]
ThingsNarcissistsDo: Abuse you covertly by bringing up things subtly in conversation to make you doubt yourself. [tweet this]
If caught red handed in a lie, will say, "I never said that!" This is an abuse tactic called "Gas Lighting."
Abuse you, then accuse you of being the abuser. This makes you question your own experience of reality.
Refuses to take responsibility for behavior, mistakes or how he/she hurts you. Blames you for being hurt.
"Their entire focus is to convince everyone around them of their superiority in every aspect of life."
Mimics your personality until you're trapped, ie: you have kids, you're partners... then shows true self.
Uses introjection (mimcry) to ensnare his/her victim and trap into cycle of abuse.
Believes his time more valuable than others.
Hangs around the biggest celebrity or person with highest social status at the party.
Appropriates other people's experiences and accomplishments as his own.
"Acts bored, disdainful, even angry, if he feels an intrusion on his precious time." Sam Vadkin
Refuses to deal with issues; projects & blames others instead, starting with 3 yr olds.
Just because someone takes "selfies," does not make them a narcissist. Only those who have no empathy & suck ur blood.
Will get revenge on you, so watch out!
Cover their asses by being amazing and saintly in order to gain your trust and get control of your heart.
Agree with you when you're sad and putting yourself down.
Rub it in with salt.
Are more interested in how they look to others than long term things like quality relationships.
Drop you like a hot potato once you're hooked on them.
Be amazing to you the whole time-super amazing--then when you're neck is on the guillotine, they pull the cord & laugh.
Give you everything but the one thing you need from them in order to keep you waiting and dependent.
Make promises, imply promises but never deliver.
Will often times profess to be a Christian because they love to be things that seem innocent, sweet and good.
If the child wants grilled cheese for lunch, they will say NO, you're having a hot dog.
Puts condition on their love and acceptance.
Goes after successful people who have a big heart, but also a weak area or insecurity that makes them vulnerable.
Makes one of their children into a GOD, but still sucks the emotions, energy and blood out of that child.
Puts their daughters in beauty pageants.
Requires those who want their acceptance to feel only as they say they can feel.
Cannot see people as individuals with equal rights and their own feelings.
Has grandiose fantasies of amazing relationships & marvelous accomplishments that never existed.
Does not allow their children to have thoughts, ideas and/or feelings of their own.
Complains that their 5 year old has "behavioral problems." (Yeah, right... they've got a blood-sucking parent!!!)
Requires that you never criticize or disagree with them. If you cross them, you're toilet paper.
Raises children who are codependent, needy and unaware of their own feelings.
Pushes your buttons, then make you feel guilty for losing your composure.
Plays favorites among their children.
Competes with their daughter or son.
Is incapable of empathizing with another person, thereby easily abusing without a conscience.
Is excellent at getting people to think he/she can do no wrong while casting shadows on the one she's threatened by.
Preys on weak people with low self esteem who are in desperate need of love--then takes advantage of that neediness.
Treats one of their children worse than all the others. Projects their own ugliness on this poor outcast child.
Treats one of their children as if they are GOD. Pampers one child and treats the rest like dog shit.
Comes back around to suck you back in once you've gotten on with your life.
Makes you feel like you're the most important thing in the world, then when you're all-in, dumps you cold.
Abuses their children severely.
Mimics you to flatter you in order to gain your trust and use you.
Acts successful, intelligent, knowledgeable, but when he opens his mouth to say something, sounds like an imbecile.
Does things to make you go nuts, then when you lose your cool, makes it look like you're the crazy one.
Refuse to deal with issues that come up in your relationships. Glosses over slights when you try to bring it up.
Play psychological games. Tactics such as withholding, ie: not returning phone calls, being intermittently available.
Create triangles. Abuse you by proxy through a third party. This is Sadistic, Malignant SOB
Perfectionistic.
Treat they're children like their worthy only for their accomplishments.
Hang around the top ranks; Presidents, Media, Hollywood, Pastors, Doctors--titles give the illusion of power.
Name drop in social settings, try to impress you about their friends for no other reason than to impress you.
Feel necessary to get as many acronyms behind their name as possible to give the illusion of power.
Brag about their abilities without commensurate accomplishments.
The worst thing is thinking the best in someone, starting to trust the are real and then--FANGS, devaluation
"Men promised her the world and secretly expected it from her." Élan Golomb, PhD
Carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding .
A narcissist will try to associate with people in prominent positions to siphon power.
Hanging outta the passengers side of his best friends' ride trying to hollar at me.
A narcissist doesn't talk about narcissism. He/She usually is too self-involved to see it in others.
A narcissist will treat you like you are royalty until he/she no longer needs you... Then you become used toilet paper.
Narcissists LIE, LIE, LIE.
The American Government is filled to the brim with people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Every day you encounter narcissists. They are the ones who hurt you & make you sad.
Narcissists are everywhere. They may look great, they may look humble. They all will hurt you if you let them close.
One way to test to see if a person is a narcissist--Do they consider your feelings?
Narcissists create triangles, stir dissension & cause conflict to distract & gain power.
Narcissist have no empathy. They don't care about your feelings, AT ALL. Only their own.
A narcissist is like a zombie who doesn't care & doesn't love. It just wants to consume your emotional goodies.
#1 way to know you're dealing with a narcissist is the disregard of your feelings. A real human can't do that.
You know a Narcissist by #1 how they can't accept your feelings.
Not all narcissists are like Obama. Some are more like Mother Theresa.
The Narcissist cannot give unless he/she is trying to manipulate you to gain your trust.
A narcissist will feign woundedness & insecurity just to get you to help & focus on them.
A narcissist will pretend he/she doesn't think they are great, just so that you will keep telling them they are.
If you want to get rid of a narcissist, just tell him/her what you need.
A narcissist will project their doo doo on you and hate you for it.
A narcissist will drop you the moment you assert a need.
CANNOT GIVE, unless they're doing it to manipulate you into trusting them so they can gain power over you.
Play mind-games. Call you every day for a week, then stop calling--makes you think you did something wrong.
Always wanting to get you off track & onto their agenda. Use psychological games to gain power over you.
They do not love, they only ENVY.
Act like you're the greatest thing in the world until you believe them; then drop you like you're trailer trash.
No empathy. Cannot understand why their bad treatment of you causes you pain, nor do they care if it does.
Devalue you. Get close to you, act like they care, then leave you standing in the cold.
Surrounds themselves with a circle of fawns who praise their every deed.
Suddenly disappear, change the subject or get grumpy when you assert a need of your own.
Will only be charming, nice, considerate when you have something they want.
Will not own up to mistakes. Blames someone else.
Secretly enjoy seeing you in emotional pain and confusion. #ThingsNarcissistsDo
Get self esteem by diminishing yours. #ThingsNarcissistsDo
Avoid you when you do something praise-worthy. #ThingsNarcissistsDo
Withdraw as a way to maintain the power in the relationship. #ThingsNarcissistsDo
Act like the perfect mother, father or family in public, then behind closed doors rage and abuse their children.
More concerned about power and control than equal relating and meaningful connection.
Surround themselves with people who will fawn over them, like who they like, hate who they hate.
Play dumb. Pretend they don't know how to function in life so that you can help them suck the blood out of you.
Create triangles. Pit friends against each other.
Seem really cool from afar, but get up close and find that they are empty and souless as a Barbie Doll.
Actually believe cheap flattery. They're very easy to control with flattery that a normal person would recognize.
Follow me on Twitter @dotjenna
The Practice of Self Soothing
Self soothing is the ability to calm yourself down in moments of stress or intense emotions. It is your emotional barometer, your internal regulator that keeps you emotionally stable, balanced and effective in personal mood control and relationships. Without the ability to soothe yourself, you cannot tolerate much. If you don't have enough self soothing tools in your toolbox, your relationship with yourself and others will suffer.
Adequate self care is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, and for keeping you secure as a person. You need to find ways to reconnect with yourself and recenter--regardless of what is going on around you. Think of self soothing as a baby sucking its thumb. It's a way to stay cool until mama gets her butt over here. For us, we need ways to soothe ourselves, to reassure ourselves as an escape from hard, intense emotions.
If you don't have adequate self soothing skills that are learned naturally through parenting in childhood, then you're going to have a difficult time in life. Symptoms of lacking this skill include cutting, addiction and even suicide. People who are severely depressed are likely missing this important self-nurturing capability. Thankfully, the process of self soothing can be learned and practiced.
- Bubble Baths, Massages, Spa, Sauna, Steam Room
- Exercise, Yoga, Cardio, Weight Training, Swimming
- Organizing, Cleaning, Decorating Your Home
- Cooking Your Favorite Meal
- Relaxing by the Fire
- Home Improvement, Painting, Refinishing
- Art, Poetry, Blogging, Social Media
- Calling a Friend, Socializing
- Joining a Support Group, Booking a Therapist
- Attending Concert or Show
- Going out of your way for yourself
- Singing, Karaoke
- Hobbies, Flying, Skydiving
- Spending time with Children
Emotional self soothing is a way to keep you balanced and regulates your emotions.
- Positive Self Talk
- Reminding Yourself of Positive Things You Did This Morning
- Restating negative self opinions, correcting yourself
- Planning your personal time for the week
- Planning your social activities for the week
- Embracing your inner child
- Speaking to yourself compassionately
- Doing shame reduction work
- Writing letters to those who hurt you
- Writing out your thoughts, Journaling
- Being with yourself through your pain
- Breath Work to get in touch with emotions
- Speaking to yourself with compassion
- Reminding yourself how far you've come
- Facing reality, not allowing your emotions to go overboard
Mental Self Soothing is soothing your intellect. I like to think of it as ways you help yourself succeed.
- Reminding yourself of past accomplishments
- Directing yourself on the steps you need to take to reach your goal
- Organizing your day
- Listening or reading motivational content
- Social media
- Reading spiritual texts
- Reading intellectual material, or excellent fiction
- Planning for the future
- Planning your career
- Reminding yourself that You. Can. Do. It!
- Learning about mentors
"Rigidity is a form of self soothing when you are afraid of the unknown." dotJenna
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