Today I Choose Me

There is a desire in my heart to be loved and appreciated. I could try my best to make you see. I could turn cartwheels, do back-flips, stand on my head to prove that I Am Somebody. That I am worth your precious thoughts, time and attention.

I could put on make-up, I could take a pretty picture, I could post on Instagram, I could get a thousand retweets and a million Likes on Facebook. I could sing a beautiful song. The whole world could agree that I am worthy, but you. You can't see it. You can't see me.

You are the one I want. You're the one I want to impress. If you don't acknowledge me, it's like I'm not even wearing this new dress. I've danced around, I've played the fool, I've done everything to show you that I'm worthy, but for you, it's like I don't even live.

You don't see me. You don't care. I could fly through the air with golden wings, you'd search for a flyswatter. The treasure that I am, you see as heaps of coal. Nothing. Worthless in your eyes. Exhausting, you say. You just don't have time for me.

Well, of course, there is a way. A way that I could be accepted and approved by you. There is one way, if I struggle and slide myself through this crack, I could get in--then you would like me. Then I would win. I would have you!

That would require me to lose who I am. To not burden you with my differences, to keep quiet when I feel like shouting, to swallow my tears, to pretend you're ignoring me is okay, to accept the crumbs of your attention, after you meet the needs of everyone else but me. But at least you would be mine. At least then you would see...

But is that worth it? To ignore all that is me? To lose myself to please you? To forget my needs so that I can feel accepted by you? You're the one I want, but you can't see me.

I say, nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I refuse.

I refuse to disappear. I refuse to hide who I am. I refuse to go away. I refuse to pretend I am someone else just to get you to look at me. I've tried everything. Nothing has worked. I cannot prove myself to you. Besides, what have you done for me?

But you won't honor me. You want a doll that you can take off of the shelf. You want an object that will be quiet and will never yell. You want something that isn't me. I will not mold myself into nothing just to feel like something in your eyes.

Today I am straightening my back. I'm giving up my need. I don't need you to see. I can't fix your vision. If you can't see, that's your problem. I can see myself. I can see myself and that's all I need. It hurts. I wanted you so badly. I needed your approval to fix the broken seal in me. But now I see the truth. I can only fix myself. You can never give me that which I'd willingly to give myself up to gain.

This is to all the people whom I've tried to please. All the approvals I've tried to gain. All the cold people I've tried to convince. All the hearts in me that have broken. All the coldness that I've taken. To you I'm saying, adieu. 

Today I Choose Me.

How to Honor Yourself

If something in your life isn't honoring you, then it simple doesn't deserve a seat at your table. It is healthy to let go. Sherrie Campbell

This quote from Sherrie, Campbell, PhD got me thinking. What is "honor." How is honor shown? How do others honor us and how do we honor ourselves?

Wikipedia:

Honor: High respect, esteem. A privilege. To regard someone with great respect. To fulfill an obligation or keep an agreement. 

Honoring yourself is the place you must start. If you want to be honored by others in this life, it all starts with you honoring yourself first. Perhaps you weren't raised to honor yourself. Maybe you weren't honored as a child. If not, you have work to do in learning to honor yourself, starting with why you are worthy of honor.

Why You are Worthy of Honor

You are worthy of honor because you exist. If you have breath in you, you are a living being on this planet with inherent value. The gauge is--are you alive? If you are, then you have value. Nothing that you've done or didn't do in your life can ever diminish your value and worth as a human being. You can add nothing to your value and take nothing away. The only limiter of your own value is your own belief. If you BELIEVE you are not valuable, then you will not be valuable. If you do not believe you are worthy on honor, then you will not be worthy of honor. Your own belief is the gauge by which you see yourself and the world sees you.

What About You is Worthy of Honor

You are worthy of honor, but who are you? You are comprised of a body, a mind, a soul and a spirit. The essence of you is worthy of honor. What's more, your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants are also a part of you, and thus these intangible parts of you are worthy of honor. One who is worthy of honor is worthy to be esteemed. Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, needs, wants, body, mind, soul and spirit are ALL WORTHY OF HONOR! This means the following:

• Your ideas should be valued and given consideration.
• Your thoughts are important and should be treated as such.
• Your feelings matter and should be given space to be.
• Your wants are important and should be considered.
• Your needs are honorable and should be met. 
• Your body is a treasure and should be treated very well.
• Your mind, soul and spirit are worthwhile and precious. 

 This means that you should take heed to what you are thinking, feeling, believing, make sure you are thinking healthy thoughts, believing true things and that your feelings are being properly expressed. Honor your needing and wanting--don't deny yourself anything that you need. Reach out to get your needs met assertively. Take risks, treat yourself like royalty (without being self centered and while having compassion for others).

Honor Your Existence

It is an honor that you exist on this planet. You are valuable, like a precious jewel. You are unique and there is no other you. You deserve to be honored. You are a child of God. There is no need to take the seat of dishonor, as one who is disrespected, as one who is not living up to your own expectations.

Make Sure Others Honor You

You cannot make someone honor your existence. They will either honor you or they won't. You can never prove your worth to anyone. If a person does not honor their own existence, they will be closed off to honoring yours. If a person is self-centered and incapable of seeing your needs, thoughts and feelings as important, then there is nothing you can do. This is sad, but you cannot change them. They can only change themselves. You can only walk away, if you are to keep your dignity.

Others should honor you in the following ways:

• Be respectful of your feelings.
• Keep their word with you and honor their commitments to you.
• Apologize and make amends to you if they hurt your feelings.
• Treat your feelings as precious and try to not hurt you.
• Listen to you when you speak.
• Not insult you or belittle you.
• Not send messages through actions that you are not important.
• Praise you and make you feel special.
• Support you in times of need.
• Forgive you for wrongs when you apologize.

The list goes on and on. Honor is about not playing games; it's about giving space to another person as important, valuable, precious, worthy of respect. We must not only expect others to honor us, but we must first honor ourselves. Others will learn how they can treat us by how we treat ourselves and how we honor others. If we honor ourselves and honor those around us, this sends the greatest message. 

Not Used to Being Honored

What if you were raised by a family who didn't honor your existence. Maybe your birth was an accident, or the situations in your family were so bad that your parents were incapable of making you feel honored. If this is the case, you may have a dishonorable attitude. You may think that you are unworthy of honor. These feelings can be beneath the surface. In fact, some people who act like they're the greatest actually feel the worst about themselves. If you're not used to being honored, you may find it difficult to honor yourself, and receive honor from others.

There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to start honoring yourself. Start with how you talk to yourself. Say good, nice, encouraging things to yourself. Support yourself with healthy relationships, get counseling, join a support group--do whatever it takes to get yourself to the place where you honor everything about yourself. You deserve it!!! 

Don't Compromise

To be healthy we have to be discerning. We need to rid ourselves of all the things we have outgrown. If we hold onto what no longer is healthy the new things, opportunities and loves cannot track us down because we will be blocked. If we live holding on, our lives become unsettled, so we have to trust our instincts when choosing to set boundaries. When we become discerning we realize we are responsible for loving and protecting ourselves. No one else can do this for us. Our emotional safety is our business. To become discerning we must look at a confusing decision in this way: If it doesn't feel right, it's NOT right--at least not for you. If you don't feel right about something, pay attention. It is an easy habit to talk yourself into feeling right about something that is no longer right, or to talk yourself out of doing something self-protective due to the fear of loss or rejection. Your insides know. If it doesn't feel good, then it's not right. When we are discerning we are listening, looking, analyzing and paying close attention. Our hearts deserve this kind of love so we can rightfully protect them. If something in your life isn't honoring you, then it simple doesn't deserve a seat at your table. It is healthy to let go. There is no need to compromise your grace, your dignity and your hard fought for self-loving skills for someone or something that does not have your best interest at heart. Have a beautiful Monday.

100 Things Self Love is Not

1. Self love is not on the internet. 
2. Self love is not in the approval of other people.
3. Self love is not in an abusive relationship.
4. Self love is not in caving to the whims of others.
5. Self love is not bashing yourself.
6. Self love is not criticizing yourself.
7. Self love is not ignoring your intuition.
8. Self love is not hiding your feelings.
9. Self love is not being a doormat. 
10. Self love is not giving more than you take.
11. Self love is not sabotaging your success.
12. Self love is not feeling ashamed.
13. Self love is not ignoring your needs.
14. Self love is not sacrificing your life.
15. Self love is not trying to get people to like you.
16. Self love is not arguing your truth with someone.
17. Self love is not making light of abuse.
18. Self love is not pretending not to care.
19. Self love is not shutting yourself off from others.
20. Self love is not manipulating others.
21. Self love is not controlling to others.
22. Self love is not being the victim.
23. Self love is not being one-down or one-up 
24. Self love is not allowing yourself to be abused.
25. Self love is not keeping silent when you need to say something.
26. Self love is not trying to prove that you're worthy.
27. Self love is not looking good on the outside.
28. Self love is not perfection.
29. Self love is not obsessing about another person.
30. Self love is not being addicted to substances.
31. Self love is not clinging onto another person.
32. Self love is not rejecting yourself for your flaws.
33. Self love is not denying your feelings.
34. Self love is not pretending to be happy all the time.
35. Self love is not putting on a mask.
36. Self love is not performing for others.
37. Self love is not desiring someone who hurts you.
38. Self love is not selling yourself short.
39. Self love is not settling for crumbs for others.
40. Self love is not falling in love with a fantasy.
41. Self love is not ignoring your family to gain approval.
42. Self love is not neglecting your children to feed your addictions.
43. Self love is not considering yourself unworthy of care.
44. Self love is not letting yourself go.
45. Self love is not overeating.
46. Self love is not over doing anything.
47. Self love is not disconnecting from your truth.
48. Self love is not ignoring red flags in others.
49. Self love is not telling yourself you're not worthy.
50. Self love is not going down a path that's unhealthy.
51. Self love is not failing to stop yourself from being abused.
52. Self love is not staying with someone who hurts you.
53. Self love is not being addicted to a person.
54. Self love is not treating other people badly.
55. Self love is not isolating yourself from the world.
56. Self love is not not trusting anyone. 
57. Self love is not not reaching out for help when you need it.
58. Self love is not forgetting who you are.
59. Self love is not giving up yourself in your relationships.
60. Self love is not being a victim.
61. Self love is not giving up too soon.
62. Self love is not using your anger to control others.
63. Self love is not walking away from every conflict.
64. Self love is not hiding from your problems.
65. Self love is not living in chaos. 
66. Self love is not being attracted to unavailable people.
67. Self love is not staying when you should go.
68. Self love is not being needy.
69. Self love is not clinging to other people.
70. Self love is not talking bad about others.
71. Self love is not focusing on another person.
72. Self love is not watching television.
73. Self love is not being mean to your inner child.
74. Self love is not hating your life so far.
75. Self love is not looking back on your life with disdain.
76. Self love is not thinking you don't need anyone.
77. Self love is not destroying your relationships.
78. Self love is not being addicted to shopping.
79. Self love is not overspending.
80. Self love is not being out-of-control.
81. Self love is not using others.
82. Self love is not being un-confident.
83. Self love is not giving up too soon.
84. Self love is not thinking you're not good enough.
85. Self love is not being afraid of intimacy.
86. Self love is not afraid of people you think are better than you.
87. Self love is not ranking people.
88. Self love is not comparing yourself to others.
89. Self love is not thinking you're less than anyone.
90. Self love is not thinking you're better than anyone.
91. Self love is not thinking you cannot go on without someone.
92. Self love is not harming yourself.
93. Self love is not risky behaviors.
94. Self love is not smoking.
95. Self love is not avoiding yourself.
96. Self love is not not asking for help.
97. Self love is not not forgiving yourself.
98. Self love is not beating yourself up.
99. Self love is not ignoring people who love you.
100. Self love is not denying yourself happiness.

Gather Yourself & Walk Away

 By: Sherrie Campbell, PhD

Change is the essence of life. When we are in a place of feeling lost, scared, rejected or left behind this is the Universe meddling so we don't settle into a place that is too small for us. We may not know our next destination and we may not feel as if we wanted to leave where we were but move on we must when we are called to do so. Stand tall to this challenge. It is worth your effort and growth. What we learn, if we are determined, is that we all have the power to get up and move on. Sometimes it may look or feel impossible but it is not. It is in us. There is not a better feeling than proving to yourself that you have the staying power and tough-mindedness to get up and keep walking. There is so much life out there and so many amazing people and opportunities waiting to enter to bring you love and new life..higher levels of love and life than what you have had before. As you love yourself and you find the elegance within you that will hold you strong, you can stand tall, know your worth and count on yourself to make it through. Giving up is an option but it will get you nowhere. To be tough-minded is to be deliberate about making your life the life YOU want and deserve to have! Love yourself.

Stand Your Ground

By:

Sherrie Campbell, PhD

We have to love ourselves. This is the most important thing we can offer ourselves and others. Nothing outside of us is consistent and much of what is outside of us hurts. We have one life to live, and we need to choose wisely who we decide to live this life with. When we love ourselves we are more likely to find a loving world. And, when the world isn't loving then we can still go inside and love ourselves until whatever negativity is outside of us passes and changes form. We need to be protective of ourselves and take care of ourselves so we have the courage to let go of what and who brings us down. Never be a push-over. Be who you are bravely and with conviction. When we get pushed-over we are not being self-loving. Stand strong in who you are and in what is right for you. You have a right to say no. You have a right to walk away from those who do not treat you with respect. You have the right to love yourself. It isn't selfish. It is only selfish to be self-centered and to not care how you impact others. To be self-loving is fundamentally different. To be self-loving means you have choice and awareness...if something or someone in your life is making you feel horrible..you must stand your ground. Standing your ground is self-preservation. You have this right...it is your life.

I Do Not Like Green Eggs & Ham

I just had an epiphany as to what this book is really all about. This Dr. Seuss classic, "Green Eggs & Ham" symbolizes the right of every free human being to choose what they like or what they don't like. Growing up as a kid, I was unable to express my likes and my dislikes. I had to like everything that my stepfather gave to me, even if it was crumbs. I had to pretend to like stuff I really didn't like at all. When you grow up without owning your truth, your preferences, likes, wants and even needs get lost somewhere inside your own heart. You lose connection with yourself.

Part of my healing involves re-connecting with my inner truth. Figuring out my likes and dislikes, and being able to stand firm in my own feelings. It's not about caving to the desires of others, but about sticking to your own desires and learning to fight for your own happiness. Good parenting teaches a child that her desires are important. What she wants is important. She doesn't have to just "take what you give her and like it," but that she can ask for something else. She's allowed to protest. She's allowed to dislike.

It may sound simple to some people, but getting in touch with your likes and dislikes within the context of human relationship can be hard if you were not allowed to express your preferences in childhood. If you can't express what you like and what you do not, things get silly. You end up accepting things that are in nowise good for you, and you end up being hurt. A healthy person can assertively expresses when he doesn't like something and is able to stand by that conviction regardless of opposition.

Unfortunately, the book takes a turn for compliance in that the Cat ends up trying the Green Eggs and Ham and liking it. So the moral of the story is not the right to own up to your likes and dislikes, but rather, not to dislike something you've never tried. Oh well. For me and my life, I'll take the first half of the book. It's okay not to like something, it's okay to stick to your truth, it's okay to express your preferences. Be who you are and don't let anyone change you--unless you want to change.

I am Sam

I am Sam
Sam I am

That Sam-I-am
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am

Do you like
green eggs and ham

I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.

Would you like them
Here or there?

I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.
I do not like them,
Sam-I-am

Would you like them
in a house?
Would you like them
with a mouse?

I do not like them
in a house.
I do not like them
with a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.


Would you eat them
in a box?
Would you eat them
with a fox?

Not in a box.
Not with a fox.
Not in a house.
Not with a mouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
I would not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
in a car?
Eat them! Eat them!
Here they are.

I woould not ,
could not,
in a car

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
in a tree?
d not in a tree.
I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a car! You let me be.

I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox
I do not like them in a house
I do mot like them with a mouse
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you
on a train?

Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! Sam! Let me be!
I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not eat them with a mouse
I will not eat them in a house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.


Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not,
in the dark.

Would you, could you,
in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train,
Not in a car, Not in a tree.
I do not like them, Sam, you see.
Not in a house. Not in a box.
Not with a mouse. Not with a fox.
I will not eat them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!

You do not like
green eggs and ham?

I do not
like them,
Sam-I-am.

Could you, would you,
with a goat?

I would not,
could not.
with a goat!

Would you, could you,
on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not eat them in the rain.
I will not eat them on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I will not eat them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
green egss
and ham!

I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.