Mindfulness Skills

What? - Mindfulness and DBT "What Skills"

Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise

by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College. (LoveIsAPromise.wordpress.com) 

The most common source of problems in relationships is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about 5 years, and wondering where the love went. It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has nothing to do with attraction. Love is a promise to do 4 things.

1. To accept everything that you know and do not know about her now.

2. To accept her regardless of what happens in the unknown future as you both age - for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if she is disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, you accept her.

3. To forgive her later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others' forgiveness.

4. To encourage her to improve. This 4th one gives purpose to your relationship - otherwise it will get boring.

If you are both ready to make and keep these promises to each-other, then you are ready to love. When you keep them, you demonstrate your love for each-other. After you formally make your promises at your wedding, you complete or consummate these promises with sexual intercourse.

Every time that you subsequently have sexual intercourse, you reinforce your promises – it is truly a wonderful and mutually satisfying experience. If you have sexual intercourse before making your promises, then you show her that you are capable of justifying forsaking her for a younger, shapelier rival when she gets older. If you are able to restrain yourself when your attraction for her is at its highest, then you show her that you are capable of resisting the rival that will inevitably come.

Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise.

Beliefs Manifest

I said this one first on one of my Ustream Shows

Catch Myself

The first time I did this self soothing thing, it freaked me out. I had been healing and dealing with my wounds, then I started going into a shame spiral one day... like I always did for years, feeling bad, putting myself down, reminding myself of how bad my life was, saying I was just going to fall down the pit and DIE. I actually caught myself saying this!!! Then, all of the sudden, driving down the road in Frisco, Texas, I heard a voice in my own heart say, "NO YOU WON'T." It was the sweetest, most loving voice I'd ever heard. It was MY OWN VOICE INSIDE. I couldn't believe it. My kind voice cradled me. It caught me. It stopped me from falling. This was the most beautiful experience... This voice speaks to me every day now. It's beautiful and you need to find your own. 


Inner Healing: Catching Myself

I keep catching myself;
not throwing back,
don't even know why I'm in the air--
but at least I'm catching myself
and it feels much better
than hitting the ground. 

Jenna Ryan
2012 

Self Soothing | Self Talk

Group Member: One of my exes, did this and that and the other... turns out me and my friend are texting the same guy... Now I'm upset and I want to befriend my ex again...


Jenna Ryan So you're upset and you need to soothe yourself but you don't know how... So you're going to put your vulnerable soul on the line by using a guy as a construct of your ego? That's not self love. That's setting yourself up for rejection. I feel sad to hear this.

Jenna Ryan When you're upset you need to soothe yourself (reparenting) with healthy, nourishing techniques and self talk. The last thing you need to do is be rejected by your ex.

I recommend that you practice Self Soothing. 

Group Member: Thank you Jenna Ryan. Very helpful!! I screen shotted it all on my phone. I believe my ex is going to reject my idea to hang out together.. 

Jenna Ryan Miss (    ) that's not what your inner child needs. She's crying out to you and it is abandoning to her for you to ignore and reject her tears and instead send her out to be eaten by the wolves of your exes who have already proven they're no good for her (you). It is your responsibility to take care of the little girl inside and not run to men for validation, love, care and comfort. You have it inside of you to do this for yourself, you just need to know how, then you need practice.

Jenna Ryan It hurts me so badly to know that you do not realize that you have the capability to soothe your own soul. This is something you should have been taught, but instead someone robbed you of this knowledge. It literally makes me want to cry because I know how badly it hurts and I lived with that pain since I was little. Thank goodness I've been healed. 

Group Member:  I don't even cry from it anymore.. I used to drink it away but that led to more problems. Maybe I should allow myself to cry once more.

Jenna Ryan Yeah. You've numbed yourself to it. The good news is that you can learn it now while you're young and save yourself all the years I had to go through it. Many wasted years!!! Also, let me tell you. The way you're feeling and stuff is not the way it has to be. There is healing that can be yours if you seek it. Your life would be completely better, all the things you want, if you learned yourself and healed yourself, all those things would come true. Life is beautiful and meant to be enjoyed. That's the secret people don't realize.

Group Member:  Jenna, sometimes it's hard to imagine life on the other side. I've been addicted to love since age 12, now I'm 22. I wouldn't say I've had many healthy relationships.

Well, start self soothing instead of friending your ex. :) 

Group Member: I will do whatever it takes to get out of this mess I've been stuck in.

Jenna Ryan The first time I did this self soothing thing, it freaked me out. I had been healing and dealing with my wounds, then I started going into a shame spiral one day... like I always did for years, feeling bad, putting myself down, reminding myself of how bad my life was, saying I was just going to fall down the pit and DIE. I actually caught myself saying this!!! Then, all of the sudden, driving down the road in Frisco, Texas, I heard a voice in my own heart say, "NO YOU WON'T." It was the sweetest, most loving voice I'd ever heard. It was MY OWN VOICE INSIDE. I couldn't believe it. My kind voice cradled me. It caught me. It stopped me from falling. This was the most beautiful experience... This voice speaks to me every day now. It's beautiful and you need to find your own. 

You Have All Your Answers

"The answer is there waiting on you to ask the question." 
   ~ Jenna Ryan

This quote accurately describes my own healing journey. It all started with me asking questions. It was fascinating. Once I broke away from the mold of religion, and started relying on my own heart and intuition for guidance, I started asking questions. I kept asking and asking until the answer would surface. I found out that the understanding (answers) we need to complete our individuation are inside ourselves... and the data to answer the questions of our heart can come from anywhere, inside, outside, the universe. Everything is connected.

This is a quote that I made up and I use it all the time in groups and blog posts to explain the process of self reflection, insight and emotional healing. I've also used it in my web shows and videos to explain success and motivation principals. It's for people who are searching for the why behind their behavior...

It also shares my view on the responsibility of each individual person to go inside and turn on the light to consciously reflect and realize that there is a universe inside of each of us that holds all the answers, for those who dare to look beyond what they've been taught to know.

For example, if you have a problem in your life and you don't know the answer, then you need to ask yourself the right question. 

This quote is essentially about individuation.

This is also about predestination because sometimes the answers come from the universe.