Victim Mentality Rant

It's really hard for me personally to allow other people to stay in the place of the victim, knowing all that I know and recently having pulled out another victim/resentment thorn out of my own psyche. This process was painful. It took the help of a professional. One thing about me though, is I REALLY WANT TO BE WELL. I REALLY WANT TO BE HEALED. So, I receive information and help from others. I am very non-resistant to psychological help. I do not defend myself whenever someone tells me that I'm shaming myself or behaving like a victim. I trust that information, if it's someone I trust. I allow that person to speak into my life and help me to see areas that I need to work on.

Not everyone is ready for healing. Not everyone is ready for growth. Not everyone is ready to move beyond the stage of the victim and onto the stage of VICTORY over the past. If you want to be ready, you have to give up your old position of resentment and helplessness. You have to receive information about yourself that is uncomfortable. You have to take accountability and mature emotionally. This is difficult, but once you set aside your defenses and receive the information, you can make changes within yourself for the better.

You don't want to hang around a bunch of people who will feed into your victim behavior. You want people who have grown beyond it and will confront victim mentality and help you see reality more realistically. You want people to challenge you, and you want to be tough enough to take it. You have to be ready to heal. You have to take the punches and face up to the fact that you are imperfect and there are things you think and do that are impeding your own progress. Don't hang around people who will support victim mentality and coddle it. Hang around people who will point it out and help you get rid of that sh---.

Now that I know Victim Mentality so well (because I've seen it in myself and others), it really bugs me. I see it clearly. I want to help the whole world. I want everyone to see that it is the victim mentality that is holding them/us back, not the actual problem. It's all in your head. It's all about your own self defeating beliefs.

But I am not the savior of the world. That is part of recovery too. It is not my job to "fix" everyone. I can only fix myself. I can guide, I can share, but ultimately, people are not paying me to be a therapist. I do all I do for free.

And there is a place for sharing and being who you are and wallowing in victim mentality. There truly is. In CoDA meetings, you can go and be yourself and share your misery. But in my group, I am growing to a place of overcoming my past victim mentality and self-shaming behaviors. I see them clearly and I will point them out if I see them in others. The healing I've gained from having others point out victim mentality to me has changed my life.

But I have to hold myself back from helping others outside of this group, and in my daily life. That's part of maturity. That's part of letting people fix their own lives. That's part of letting people own their own process. I am only responsible for me. It's not my job to inform other people about their victim behavior, etc... Even though to me it now sounds like fingernails on a chalk board.
WE ARE NOT VICTIMS!!! WE HAVE POWER OVER OUR LIVES!!!



 Comments: 

B: I'm starting to think that getting past this victim mentality requires us to become our own hero, to save ourselves. And to know we can't save others, only influence them. Thanks for this post its going to keep me going for a bit. I am so done with victim mentality and shame!

Me: That is where I am right now, M--- and I feel so powerful. All my old thoughts and feelings are being covered in power statements like never before. I had to work hard to get here, and work through a lot of pain, grief, blocked emotions. But today, I am high on a mountain and I can see the summit and it's beautiful and I am powerful. We all are.

Narcissists Play the Victim | Never Take the Blame Unless They're Manipulating You

Games People Play - MUST READ Book Review

This is like one of my all time favorite books for inner healing and trauma recovery / emotional abuse. Every single person in the world needs to understand Gestalt Transactional Analysis and the Games People Play. You know? Victim, Recuer, Persecuter... Black Sheep, Star, Lost Child... Really gives you perspective on repetitive patterns of unproductive behavior that's passed down from generations et al. People ask which books I recommend, this is a MUST READ. I am not benefiting financially from this recommendation. http://www.amazon.com/Games-People-Play-Transa…/…/0345410033

Find more of my recommended books here. I am working on slowly building the list. There are so many books I love. Games People Play has had a huge impact on my healing, and my understanding of negative relational patterns in the family of origin. Have you read it? Let me know your thoughts! 

Amazon Recommendation:

"Forty years ago, Games People Play revolutionized our understanding of what really goes on during our most basic social interactions. More than five million copies later, Dr. Eric Berne’s classic is as astonishing–and revealing–as it was on the day it was first published. This anniversary edition features a new introduction by Dr. James R. Allen, president of the International Transactional Analysis Association, and Kurt Vonnegut’s brilliant Life magazine review from 1965.

We play games all the time–sexual games, marital games, power games with our bosses, and competitive games with our friends. Detailing status contests like “Martini” (I know a better way), to lethal couples combat like “If It Weren’t For You” and “Uproar,” to flirtation favorites like “The Stocking Game” and “Let’s You and Him Fight,” Dr. Berne exposes the secret ploys and unconscious maneuvers that rule our intimate lives.

Explosive when it first appeared, Games People Play is now widely recognized as the most original and influential popular psychology book of our time. It’s as powerful and eye-opening as ever. "

Should You Vent Your Frustrations?

6 Virtues and 6 Vices of Venting - Love this article on Psychology today. Decided to save it here so I can read it again a few times, and also so my friends can read it too.