Transmuting Emotional Pain

I'm such a nerd. I pick up every little emotional ache and pain and inquire into myself as to why it exists. I journal about it, writing down all my thoughts. I read books about it, I read internet forums, medical abstracts, websites and whatever else I can get my hands on to figure out a solution to my problem, a healing balm for my emotional pain. I've never once failed to come up with an answer once I start inquiring. The universe brings me information and usually the journey takes me down paths of unraveling and discovery so complete that several layers of my truth gets emancipated. Fake false ego parts of me fall off, no longer needed as I take each and every ache and pain to the alter of self inquiry.

 I actually get a kick out of my emotional pain now, I'm so used to the integration of it for my own benefit. When I have no pain, I have nothing to really study so it's somewhat boring. But when I come across a pain in myself, or now in my significant-other relationship, I have something to chew on... something that I will transmute through diligence into a thing of beauty, another piece of me, of my truth will come to light. I think behind every pain we feel inside, there is an equally refreshing truth underneath. The deeper the pain, the deeper the freedom once faced and understood with compassion.

It's like an interesting puzzle, diving into the depths of my psyche, and into the collective conscious through books and the internet, to discover answers that will help untwist, unlock, release any lies that hold me captive and cause the pain. Psychological pain is simply your heart telling you that a lie has been programmed into your psyche hard drive. This discomfort and dis-ease is a signal like a lighthouse on the shores of the ocean telling you which way is home. Go towards the pain. Allow yourself to feel it. Offer yourself compassion. Your answers are there in the middle of the ache.

 Once you get past the pain layer there you will find a beautiful fragrant peace, openness underneath. You just have to trust the process and feel the pain involved with facing whatever it is that is hurting you. Whatever lies have been programmed into your mind. Lies cause pain. Pain signals where the lies are embedded. Go to the pain, feel the pain, seek answers from the pain, therein you will find freedom beyond your wildest dreams... Like a deep breath after years of shallow.

 ~ Jenna Ryan - Feb. 6, 2016

How to Let Go of An Ex Who Is Rejecting You and is Bad for You | How to Stop Loving Your EX

Trusting Your Intuition

Your intuition is that part of you that knows where to go and what to do. I believe your intuition is connected to your true source, God, the divine intelligence of the universe. I believe the still small voice inside your head telling you to go this way or that way is your intuition. Unfortunately for many of us, our true voices are drowned out by negative voices such as the inner critic.

Still, you've got to find your inner light. You've got to learn to be true to your intuitive self. That is what is meant by being true to oneself. Being true to your intuitive truth.

Intuition is a catalyst to action. It goes with you everywhere you go, but sometimes many of us are not open to it. We don't trust it. We were taught to despise it, or to be skeptical of our own so-called "evil" impulses.

Your intuition is your inner guide. It's the knowing that you know that you know underneath your thoughts, feelings, actions. It's a gut feeling, a hunch, a premonition a prophecy. It tells you who is good for you, who is bad for you and it tells you who is toxic.

Your intuition tells you who to trust and who will betray you. Plain, clear, exacting. Your intuition is always ahead of the game giving you direction. ALWAYS. But, we don't always listen to what our guidance system is telling us. We want what we want so we ignore our inner voice until it's so faint, it's like it's smothered by a pillow.

Inside your heart, soul, body and mind exists your core true self connected to the wisdom, knowledge and creative power of God--the creator of all things. Infinite intelligence flows through your being night and day. You have a choice, a decision to make in each moment--and that is to stay true or to deny that which is true for me.

Following your intuition takes practice. If you've experienced any abuse or maladaption in childhood, you may need to connect to your intuition, your truth and become acquainted, perhaps for the first time.

The Messengers of Intuition Here is a list from the book, "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Beckel

Humor
Wonder
Anxiety
Curiosity
Hunches
Gut Feelings
Doubt
Hesitation
Suspicion
Apprehension
Fear

Barriers to Hearing Your Inuition

Childhood abuse or trauma can cause you to lose touch with the voice in your heart, it can also cause you to mistrust your own inclinations.

Desire for approval, recognition, attention, appreciation (narcissistic needs) is stronger than your connection to your core truth.

You don't know the difference between intuition and other voices in your head (as from the Inner Critic).

Lack of confidence or faith in your own truth.

Inability to recognize and take action on intuitive leanings.

Building a relationship of trust between yourself and yourself. Value the impulses of your intuition. Guard your intuitive thoughts and take action to pursue the requests of your deepest heart of hearts. 

The key is taking action. You strengthen your connection to your intuition by heeding its yearnings. You can heed the yearnings of your heart in the following ways to get used to the idea:

• Go for a walk without an agenda. Let your intuition lead the way for once. Go where it guides you to go.
• Label your intuition. When you have an intuitive moment, try to catch yourself and label it as such.
• Stand firm in your intuition. Back yourself up. If you feel the strong desire to eat oranges, then do whatever it takes to get that orange in your mouth right away. If you can't stop thinking about a friend, stop what you're doing and call that person.
• Take action. Take action to back up your intuition. 
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Intuition is a guidance mechanism of our psyche. It is connected to the very heart of God. It is the god-part of you which is connected to the collective consciousness. Inside of you is a well spring of wisdom, truth, love, well being and abundance.

This is the place of higher perspective from which your intuition dwells. It will always have the right answer for you. It will always steer you in the right direction. It has as its goal your eternal expansion. It is the voice of truth inside of you.

Your intuition is like an old fashioned gentleman. It will always let your wild side go first. It isn't boastful, grandiose or exploitative. It doesn't throw tantrums or express rage. Intuition is simply your wise, insightful sage that sits at the core of who you are. It cares deeply for your well being and it knows the truth that you may not be able to see.

Intuition incorporates unconscious clues into its leanings.

Deciphering the Intuitive You from other Parts of You

Each of us have various parts within our psyche including such figments as the wounded child, the adult or wise one, the critical one, the happy one, the sick one, the victim, the list is endless. The secret to determining which is your intuitive truth without becoming confused by this crowd in your mind is to

1. Listen to your heart.
2. Seek to know your intuition.
3. Invite your intuition to live with you in life and to help you.
4. Get to a clear, quite place. Change locations. Go outside. Go for a run or a walk.
5. Fight the tendency to use your cognitive defenses or cognitive biases.
6. Examine your justifications for not following your intuition in real time.
7. Live on a higher level of observation through mindfulness techniques.
8. Develop a meditation practice that will help you to be still and tuned into your inner truth.
9. Set a strong intention to know your intuition.
10. Take baby steps today following the leanings of your heart without asking why, JUST DO IT.

There is a difference between your intuition and a made-up idea. True intuition is subtle as hell. It doesn't knock you over, unless you're very accustomed to following it. It stands firm, resolute, strong, capable, available and ready to lead and guide you, if you will let it.

How to Trust your Intuition

Start practicing now. It will come in handy once a real need to heed your own still voice comes up.

Pitfalls to Following Your Intuition

Your intuition is leading you to your highest good, which may be vastly different than making you feel good this red hot minute.  You will need to gain self discipline to override your impulses and instead follow your own inner guidance. You must rise to take action on your own behalf, even when a larger part of you wants to ignore your truth for some other pursuit. The key is to bring your whole self--your ENTIRE SELF into submission of your own inner guidance of intuition and truth. Anything less is Self Betrayal.

Allow your intuition to override your impulses.

Your intuition is tapped into infinite intelligence.

Intuition is clarity. Take bold action to the tune of the clarity inside your heart.

Following your intuition is like playing a musical instrument--except, you're the violin!

It's like a dance where you let your true self take the lead. 

Like a therapist in your mind.

Your intuition is that part of you that is beneath the hurt, the pain, the wounds... It's the part of you that exists always, beyond time and space. Even beyond thought and feeling. Your intuition is the core of who you are, linked up with the source of all creation. 


Those of us raised to abandon and reject ourselves may not have a clue about following our intuition. Others may follow their intuition every day and not even realize what they're doing. Suffice it to say, the latter experience much happier, fulfilled and satisfying lives.  Those who are disconnected from their own true source within will experience pain, neurosis and any manner of mental illness, depression or other negative malady.  I repeat. Those who are out-of-touch or out-of-sync with their intuition (like I was) will experience pain insomuch as they do.

Heeding your intuition fully is the result of truly finding yourself. It is the only way to love yourself effectively.

Your intuition is your inner parent. Your inner wisdom. Inner guide. Can you imagine being out-of-touch? Can you imagine turning to addictions instead of heeding the still voice who is the proponent of your highest good?

Your intuition is always with you. It will always comfort, always support. It may correct, but will do so gently, lovingly and without judgment. This inner leaning is the you that loves you, protects you, warns you, fights for you, talks to you, guides you, reminds you,

Intuition consists of pure unconditional acceptance and love. It guides you for your good, not for promise of gain or fear of loss. It doesn't need to get anything. It doesn't need to impress anyone. It doesn't need to prove itself or win anyone over. Intuition doesn't stoop to the level of persecution games, but instead serves as your higher self with a universal perspective beyond all space, time, thoughts and emotion.

Following your intuition won't always bring the great emotional rush that lower level impulsive actions may bring... That's because intuition is centered and clear. It just is, it doesn't need the


It's not the part of you that needs a jolt of intensity just to feel. Your intuition is the part of you that knows what to do. The answers to everything you need are within your heart, though you distract yourself from these answers under the guise of looking for answers.

A big problem is questioning your intuition. This may occur if you were raised to abandon yourself. You may question if your perceptions are correct, or if you're off base. The key to knowing is in going higher to the level of your motive. Letting that high place penetrate the low, needy, desperate wounded child that wants what it wants and doesn't care if what it wants is nothing like it really wants. 

Your wounded child is the biggest blocker of your intuition.

• That's not a good idea.
• This person is exploitative.
• Stay away from her.
• Stop this relationship.
• This friend is good.
• He can't be what I need.
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People who were abused as children have difficulty in their own hearts because they're disconnected from their core truth. They're disconnected from the heart of who they are. They're disconnected from their true self, their intuition, and tragically, from their true source.


There may be another drive or impulse for them to override their better judgment and take a huge risk with an abusive person... whereas the intuitive true self says, "He's not good for you."

But if you are not accustomed to heeding your true self, you may barely be able to discern it from all the other noise. If you haven't been taught the value of that true self, then you may just steam roll over it with your wounded child's impulsive pursuits.

If you're plugged into your intuitive center, your life will be so much better. This is the essence of inner bonding and intimacy with others.


Intuition will never lead you astray. If you're off-track, it's likely because you failed to listen and act according to your own inner wisdom.

Intuition doesn't need to pick up the phone and get someone's advice, but your false self might. Your false self might be looking for outside validation for bullying the true self and ruling your life as you go from one mistake to the other.

So long as you ignore your intuition, you will continue to lose pieces of yourself that you need to reach your destination: Your highest good.

You believe it? It must be true.

You want that? I will get it for you.

You don't like that? I will make it stop.

You think that? What I think means everything to me.

 You feel how? My feelings are my emotional guidance system.

Intuition is not the negative voice inside your head, or the inner critic telling you that you're no good, incompetent and decrepit... That would be the antithesis of intuition. Intuition is always true, always pure, always clear, always correct. It is not confusing, frustrating, badgering and nagging. It's still. It's quiet. It's soft and it whispers. It is trying to lead and guide you beneath the surface. It's your turn now to let it rule.

Weigh intuition against rational mind. Judith Orliff.

The key for those who are learning to love themselves is that you give space to the intuition, perhaps even for the first time. Space for your truth to be heard and respected--by you, your very own self.

Intuition is a feeling in the body, in the gut especially, about another person.


Sometimes the wrong decision is disguised as the easiest.
http://www.rebellesociety.com/2014/03/21/listen-to-your-heart-7-ways-to-trust-your-intuition/

Our minds seek comfort. Our hearts seek truth.
http://www.rebellesociety.com/2014/03/21/listen-to-your-heart-7-ways-to-trust-your-intuition/

“I believe in intuitions and inspirations… I sometimes ‘feel’ that I am right. I do not ‘know’ that I am.” ~ Albert Einstein

“We have five senses in which we glory and which we recognize and celebrate, senses that constitute the sensible world for us. But there are other senses — secret senses, sixth senses, if you will — equally vital, but unrecognized, and unlauded.” ~ Oliver Sacks

http://www.rebellesociety.com/2014/03/21/listen-to-your-heart-7-ways-to-trust-your-intuition/

3. Look for the signs. Often we overlook subtle synchronicities which are there to guide us down the best path. I believe that such signs are actually our subconscious trying to communicate with our conscious self. We should pay attention to coincidences and make note of subtle symbols which might lead us to discover a more authentic life choice which is truly best for us.



“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs

“Intuition is seeing with the soul.” ~ Dean Koontz

 http://www.wikihow.com/Follow-Your-Intuition

Intuition is "knowing" something without being able to explain how you came to that conclusion rationally.^[1] It's that mysterious "gut feeling" or "instinct" that often turns out to be right, in retrospect. When you've whittled down your options and are stuck at a crossroads, getting in touch with your intuition can help. Learning how to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, is difficult but intuition can be developed, especially when following some of these ideas.


Intuition is basically how you quickly tap into your subconscious mind, which is where you "archive" all kinds of information that you don't remember on a conscious level.^[2] Sometimes you pick up on things subconsciously without realizing it, such as body language. It'll register as a certain "feeling" that you can't articulate at that moment, but it could very well be valid.^[3]

2

Ask yourself questions and listen to the first answer that pops into your mind. That isn't easy, because several thoughts will flood your mind at once. For instance, let's say you're looking at a menu. In figuring out what you want, pick out the first thing that stands out to you. Ignore the remainder of your thoughts, like for example: "But I didn't even look at the specials" or "But my friend is on a diet and I'll feel bad eating this in front of him" or "But my uncle said the mashed potatoes he had here were too mushy" etc. Don't dwell on it. Just pick something. It might be scary, because what if you make the wrong choice? Do not worry, you will be fine.  ^t



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hpte6gGyVcc

Voice of intuition is quiet, quick, transcendental, peace, void of these emotional ties, attachment and fears. Not intense resistance to

Patient, not urgent. Perspective of this most expansive, eternal view of yourself does not align with fear.

Ego will keep you separate to avoid annhiliation. You better do this now or something bad will happen. Judgment, bad, cynisism.

True self does not question worth. Sees world more horizontally. Other same as self.

Ego feeds off of both extremes. Better than/Less Than, self defeating shame or self defeating pride. Never in present moment.

Strengthen connection with the True Self.

Seek and ye shall find.

Only through stillness that it can come through.

You have to be soft to be able to receive.

Let go of the need for the illusion of separateness between you and others.

right, superior, function of ego

Ego feeds off of need.
True self focuses on desire

Mindfulness Practice for Healing

A huge part of my healing journey from self loathing to self love has been Mindfulness Practice. Without this technique and way of life, I could never be fully healed.

Mindfulness does so many things, one of which is that it gives you space. Space between the past and present, between stimulus and response, between your emotions and your reason, between thoughts and feelings, between inner critic and true self, between self and higher self, between self and God, between what you want to do and what is effective--and so much more. 

Without a mindfulness practice, which I work each and every day as often as possible, I could only be healed up to a point. With mindfulness practice, I am coming in complete control of how I feel, how I react and how I live my life. I cannot say enough good things about Mindfulness and Meditation Practice. I do it every single day.

Counterfeit Love

What is counterfeit love? This term captured me as I was reading quotes from one of my favorite psychology authors, John Bradshaw posted on this article. I know what counterfeit love is, I know it all too well.

There are two kinds of love, real love and false love--just like there is your true self and your false self. False love produces the false self and true love produces the true self in others. Those who are accustomed to being loved for who they really are, and validated as children are more able to function in their true and natural state in adulthood. Unfortunately, those who were loved wrongly--and for the wrong reasons--develop a false self that covers and hides the true self with toxic shame.

So what is the difference? I know I've written about it before... the difference is that false love is love that may look like love, but isn't really love at all. False love is about being loved for being what someone else wants, needs or expects you to be--not, however, for being who you really are. True love is being loved for who you really are, even when that means you are not pleasing and complying.

True Love - Loving another for who they are, even when they are disappointing or make mistakes. Loving that person in their reality, as they experience life without trying to mold them, manipulate them, shape them and form them into anything other than who they are. True love is about receiving acceptance, validation and compassion for another as they unfold in their own way without expecting them to meet your needs or serve as an extension of your will and desires. True love is love that gives space and grace to the other, offering room for mistakes and all manner of vulnerability. This is true love. True love feels good; freeing; within true love we can grow and become all that we were born to become on this planet.

False Love - False love is being told directly or indirectly that who you really are is unacceptable, shameful, bad or wrong. It's being conditioned to believe that you must please the love object in order to GET love. It is a sense that you don't know who you are, you don't know what's best for you. False love teaches that your own experiences and reality are questionable, and that you should disregard your own gut and follow the whims of the one who is in control. False love is about power and control, manipulation, greed. It's about making the person into what is needed by the parent or lover instead of allowing the person to simply be who they are created to be.

If you've grown up in an environment that is less-than-nurturing, then you may not have ever in your life experienced true love. In fact, you may be operating out of your FALSE SELF without any inkling of who you really are. This False Self is a self that is a people pleaser which is always trying to seek validation externally. The False Self is at the core of narcissism, and at the other end of the same plane--it is at the core of codependency. (Codependency & narcissism being polar opposites on the same vibrational level). The False Self is fake and portrays itself as perfect, however, in reality it holds the ultimate flaw. The false self can never be satisfied and is forever relegated to the prison of addiction: sex, gambling, alcohol, relationships, love, shopping, eating, electronics--name your poison.

The False Self is narcissism. It's the part of us all that our culture is rabidly cultivating with imagery and idealism that can never deliver on its promises. The False Self craves the perfect body, the perfect home, the perfect career, perfect family, cars, vacations. All of these things promise to fulfill, but leave the core of the person--the true self starving for truth...

The True Self is truth. It doesn't give a shit about the kind of car you drive. It doesn't care if you eat spaghetti and wear a size 7. The True Self doesn't parade itself because it's not searching for anything because it already knows it is loved. It is impossible to function as the true self unless you know the truth of who you are--which is love. True love exactly as you are without outward adornments. You are love and there is nothing you can do to add to that fact, or take it away. This is the true self.

So we must keep the right perspective as we go about our lives and label and identify false premises from which we are living our lives. Any lies we believe will produce more of the false self... the feeling of toxic shame that we are inherently flawed, not good enough, wrong, bad. If we don't keep ourselves in check, we will feel ashamed and guilty for being who we are, and continue to try to cover up our shame by more purchases, more addictions or worse--suicide.

We must remind ourselves who we really are, every moment of the day. We must combat the voices that tell us we're not good enough. We must reparent ourselves and provide ourselves with true love and empathy for the inner child within that has been squashed and forgotten beneath layers and layers of falsity--of someone else's opinion of who we should be. We must curb our greed for material items which lie to us and promise the world but fail to deliver. We must stop making the mistake of believing that anything outside ourselves can add to or take away from our precious existence.

There is no other way.

Overcoming Victim Mentality

Victim Mentality is self empathy that needs to be relinquished. A story that needs to be released. It can be addicting. It can feel good. That self empathy. Self pity. Yes, you deserve your own compassion, but if you allow yourself to stay stuck in it, victim mentality will swallow you whole.

Self empathy without self soothing keeps you in victim mentality state. You have to soothe yourself out of the state and not baby yourself to stay there no matter how good it feels. (Paradox, I know) There's a time for everything. There's a time feel and hurt--this may take years--but there's also a time to let go of that pain and that hurt. There is a time to release the old stories and stop identifying with yourself as incapable, unable, unloved, unappreciated, un-whatever. Take time to release the past and the identity that goes with it. Take time to embrace your truth and readjust your thoughts according to who you really are.

You will be wrapped in victim mentality like a straight-jacket unless you go deep and release it. Use meditation techniques to get into a state of deep relaxation. Connect with your Higher Self. Release the story. Give it up. Let it go. Let peace, love, well-being, joy, harmony and clarity take its place. Let go of loving the role of the victim. Stop allowing yourself to feel the twisted pleasure of always being the underdog. Be honest with yourself. Tell yourself the truth. Only when you acknowledge your state can you let it go and move beyond it. Your task is to overcome the helplessness. You are a powerful co-creator and you have the power to overcome any obstacle. You lack nothing that you need. Loving yourself means not allowing yourself to remain helpless; grabbing hold of the power that is yours to own.


The reason this is so important is because your external life is a manifestation of your internal reality. If you identify yourself as a victim, then all you will manifest outwardly is the results of the victim. Going there in your heart will bring it to pass in your every day. You are a powerful being. What you feel inside becomes your reality. This is why you cannot afford to sit around and feel the pain of being a victim. The cost is too high. It feels good to feel sorry for ourselves, and it is necessary to recognize where we've been wronged, but it is imperative that our adult selves swoop into the scene and soothe the helpless child within. It's crucial that our adult selves catch our inner child in victim mode--and that our adult selves saves the child within--dries the tears and reminds our inner child that we are indeed competent, capable, able and powerful today as never before. You must keep yourself up inside, hold yourself higher if you wish to pull out--transcend your old associations with helplessness and pain. Stop allowing yourself to go there because wherever you're going inside yourself is what you are manifesting in your reality.  Stop allowing yourself to go there by soothing and resolving your own pain. This is saving yourself.

heart emoticon Jenna Ryan ‪#‎SelfLoveU‬

Victim Mentality is a set of conditioned thought processes that keep you stuck and tied to a helpless identity. When you have victim mentality you keep yourself there by the stories you tell yourself about who you are, how the world works and what others are about. We can overcome obstacles of life with great ease, but victim mentality is the very limits we place upon ourselves that chains us to our past. Getting out of victim mentality is necessary if we wish to move beyond our past and realize the power we hold to transform.

1. Victim Mentality is held in place by negative core beliefs or schemas (groups of negative core beliefs) about ourselves, others and the universe.
2. Victim Mentality is trust in the negative outcomes of life.
   
   
3. Victim Mentality is Learned Helplessness, which is to say, we give up because we think things will end badly no matter what. We give up before we start.
   
4. Victim Mentality is a host of stories we tell ourselves about who we are, who others are and what the universe is all about.
5. Victim Mentality is the identity we learned in childhood when our needs were not met, we gave up in a way and made decisions about life to our detriment.
6. Victim Mentality requires conscious effort to eradicate. It will not go away on its own.
7. Victim Mentality is easier to see in others than it is to see in our own selves.
8. An example of Victim Mentality is this, "No matter what I do, nothing I do will bring the results that I want." or "Life is difficult and people are always against me."
9. Victim Mentality is a common pattern seen in adult child abuse and trauma survivors.
10. Victim Mentality is common among those who threaten and/or commit suicide.
11. Victim Mentality is replete with cognitive defenses and distortions such as wishful thinking, black or white thinking, all or nothing thinking, etc...
12. Victim Mentality is the process of repetition compulsion of childhood relationships in adulthood.

Abuse By Proxy

Did you know you can be abused by someone emotionally and psychologically without them doing it to you directly? Yes. It can happen. It has happened to me. In fact, it has happened to me to the extent that I am very aware of it now. Today, with all of the healing I've gone through, I can plainly see when I'm being abused by proxy. Before my awakening and healing, I was regularly abused by 3rd parties for an original perpetrator without even realizing it. This hurt me greatly because I couldn't see (or was in denial of seeing) who was actually holding the knife. In fact, I thought it was my fault. Quite confusing.

If you were raised in a dysfunctional home, you don't know which end is up. You don't know how to trust yourself and you trust people who are harmful to you. Since you were never taught to trust yourself, you have to go outside for guidance, protection, encouragement and support. When you go outside yourself (because you don't know who you are) to get support, you are wide open to being "supported" by perpetrators who mean you no good.

People who are psychologically disordered live live like a game; they are in a battle for power and control. These people get a rush out of taking the power away from others. If you are a weak, needy person who was never taught that you have power, or that you have a right to have power, then you are easy prey for predators who will take everything you have and leave you thinking it's all your fault. These predators will abuse you in many ways. One way these folks take you down is through ABUSE BY PROXY.

Abuse By Proxy, technically is when a person uses or manipulates other people to abuse you. When you are abused by a third party, the original predator keeps his or her hands clean. This type of abuse is the worst! You may turn to the very person who is killing you. It's crucial that you understand who it is that is causing you to stay in abusive situations. It's crucial that you look beyond the surface and see that some people are merely following the directives of a covertly manipulative person who wants to take you down, keep you confused--and take away your power.

Abuse By Proxy occurs whenever the following types of scenes occur in your life:

• You are being abused by a 3rd party, and your confidante encourages you to stay in the relationship.
• You're being abused by a 3rd party, and your confidante says things to cause you to feel responsible, guilty, afraid of leaving or ashamed for getting out. 
• You are abused by a 3rd party, and this abuse is occurring at the bequest of the predator or narcissist in your life.  
• You are slandered by a group because of their loyalty to a predator who slanders you and they believe the lies.

The key to overcoming this type of abuse is realizing that you are worthy of protection. You are worthy of protection. You are worthy of protection. If you are abused, hurt, treated poorly, disrespected, you deserve to get the hell out of the relationship. This is YOUR RIGHT. You owe it to yourself to get out. If there is anyone who tells you to stay, forgive and forget, and /or says things to make you 2nd guess yourself, you know--this person is abusing you by proxy. This person is allowing you--encouraging you to stay in situations that are damaging your soul and leading you AWAY from your highest good.

If you are being slandered by a group of people or treated like crap from narcissist fawns, then just know who the original culprit is. You can't win with a narcissist. You might as well cut your losses and move on; believe me, you've really lost nothing. Narcissists promise the world, but leave you with ashes so it's really no big loss.