Love Bombing is a very common tactic used by narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and other toxic individuals to lure a victim into trusting him or her and gaining power and control over the victim's life. Love bombing can occur in lovers, friends, family--anywhere you find a narcissist or toxic person. Examples of love bombing include any of the following types of behaviors...
- Texting you all the time
- Telling you you're their soul mate.
- Putting you in the same context as their long-term ex or ex husband or wife.
- Wanting to take you out.
- Liking everything that you say or do.
- Being over all crazy about you.
- Doing favors for you, going out of their way for you.
- Be extremely passionate sexually.
- I feel like you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen their whole lives.
- Being selfless while focusing totally on you.
- Progressing the relationship quickly.
- Future faking. (Making comments about a future that never happens...)
- Sweeping you off your feet.
- Promising you everything you've ever wanted in a relationship.
- Professing to be your best friend.
- Rushing to have sex, move-in together, get married.
- Sending you letters, emails, texts professing love and devotion.
- Being constantly available to you.
- Selflessly meeting your needs.
- Seeming to think you're the most beautiful thing in the world.
- Wanting to spend every moment with you.
- Tying up all your time on the phone, via text or in person.
Love Bombing is a tactic for brainwashing people. This tactic is often used by religious groups to recruit new members. Love Bombing is a cult-favorite and very disoriented for the victim. The victim feels flattered and overwhelmed by all the attention and adoration he or she gets from the love bomber. The Love Bomber is merely a sheep in wolves clothing...
What originally feeds this victim will eventually feed off of her.
How Does Love Bombing Work?
Love Bombing works in the following ways to disorient, overwhelm and over-take the victim's normal thought processes:
- Causes the victim to feel flattered.
- Promises a needy victim the love he or she never got before.
- Isolates the victim from friends, family, etc... because focus is on Love Bomber.
- Causes the victim to ignore red flags because he or she is so intrigued by the constant flow of attention.
- Causes the victim to emotionally depend on the love bomber.
- Causes a feeling of reciprocity in the victim which makes him feel obligated to pay back the kindness of the love bomber in the future.
- Incites the fantasies of ideal love / fairytale love in the victim which ultimately become a trap.
- Cause victim to trust the love bomber.
- Take the victim off track from their own internal guidance system.
- Cause the victim to believe that the love bomber truly cares.
- Cause the victim to disbelieve negative behavior of the love bomber which will come eventually.
The Problem with Love Bombing
The problem with love bombing is that it is not real. Sure, it would be great if another person would come along, sweep us off our feet, tell us we're the greatest person on earth, and give us the 24/7 unconditional love we missed-out-on as a kid. Yes, that would be nice... and we CAN get that kind of love, but not from a stranger. The kind of love the love bomber promises to fill is the kind of love that you can only give to yourself. You've got to love yourself the way the love bomber is pretending to love you.
Plus, the love bomber is so taken by you, that he MUST eventually give up the charade. It's not healthy to have someone so attached, attracted and dependent on you. Eventually, this person who is all over you will swing back the other way and become the opposite toward you. This is where things get painful for the unaware victim of love bombing.
The Results of Love Bombing
If you are taken away by the love bombing tactics of the narcissist, you're in for a very hard fall. These disordered people gain your trust, promise you the sun and stars, then drop you in mid air from an airplane without a parachute. You hit the ground. Kerplunk! It hurts! The key is steering clear of love bombers in the first place... Or, making sure you don't put all your eggs in this love bomber's basket to begin with. Also, allowing people to unfold over time instead of allowing them to rush you into a relationship or friendship before you're ready.
The Love Bomber is attempting to brainwash you by meeting all your needs and being super-attentive towards you. He or she subconsciously knows that they are hijacking your internal judgment system. Eventually, when she is done and has what she wants from you, she will discard you like a piece of trash. This is a very common tactic of the narcissist. To discard you. This is part of the Sweet/Mean Cycle.
Once you are hooked on this narcissist, it's too late. Your judgment is thwarted. Your identity is stolen. You get your sole source of feeling good from this person who once loved you, but is now treating you with disdain. The toxic process of devaluation includes these types of behaviors:
- Ignoring your texts.
- Not texting you anymore, or reaching out to call you.
- Not wanting to see you anymore.
- Withdrawing from the relationship.
These tactics are control tactics that narcs use to exact narcissistic supply from their victims. These tactics are also signals to your subconscious that you're doing something wrong and that you need to change what you're doing to please the narcissist. These tactics also teach you that something is wrong with you... (especially if you already have issues with this negative core belief to begin with).
After the love bombing phase, you begin to see that it was all an act. This person didn't love you or care about you at all. You were simply taken for a fool and then you're stuck with an awful, painful mess of sorting through how you gave yourself away to a liar. This is where healing can begin.
