Keep Moving Forward

Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.

If we hold onto what is old and outdated, no longer nurturing, or fulfilling we block our future. It can be hard and painful to let go of what we are used to, but if what we are used to is no longer fulfilling then to stay hoping for fulfillment to return puts us in a lack of movement. Hope becomes our dope. When we move forward we let go of wanting people to become better versions of themselves and we commit to being better versions of ourselves. Changing ourselves is the whole purpose. When life changes we have to believe that great things are about to happen, much greater than what we were living in before. It may not show up immediately but if we commit to loving ourselves, we will be "ready," and the new lock-and-key life matches will present themselves, and we will be so glad we left the life which was too small and constricting for us. We often stay in the old because we can't see that something better will come because after we leave anything we enter in the grey area. For whatever reason, the grey area of uncertainty is very painful for us. Without a focus on loving ourselves, it feels like limbo. When we are here it is simply the space between the old and new. If we commit to making this grey area productive with self-improvement the new amazing things will come to us more quickly. Do your inner work. Leave what is too small. Be brave into the grey area and make your life extraordinary. Love Love Love Yourself!

Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.

When life is pushing you around...you have to keep on keeping on. Life is supposed to do this to us, and it will happen all throughout life. The expectation that life will someday "even out" is a dangerous thought, as it sets us up for disappointment when our next painful growth opportunity arises. We seem to grow the most when we are in pain, and so as much as it is uncomfortable and we hurt from it, this is always an opportunity to get connected to our spirit, to our resilience, the refinement of who we are and who we want to be. It is healthy for certain time periods to simply shut life down, so we can take inventory on how we are participant, not a victim, in our own pain. When we can see these painful times as "evolvement courses" then we can give our pain a new idea, a new thought, a new purpose. Once we give our pain this new thought, we can get into action. We can get into the action of changing and shifting who we are how we operate in the world. If we are being pushed around by life and we cannot see the end of the pain, we have to get deliberate in our own idea of our pain, change our perspective to forward-moving-progress, so we can rise from our decent. When we rise..there is nothing like it. We rise on all levels. Those who are around us and those whom we have chosen to leave will get to see what it is like for someone to get knocked down..but who will get right back up. Focus on Getting Up! There is only one way in which time moves and that is forward so if you don't get up, you are obstructing life's flow...if there is no flow you cannot heal. So, get up, get going, look within, don't blame...refine yourself. Love yourself facebook...that is what it is all about.

How To Pull Yourself Inside

One of the neatest things I learned along the way in my healing transformation from being a fear-based person to a love-based person is how to "Pull Yourself Inside." This is a process that I created myself, as a basis of healing, based on my extensive research. This is not a process you will find in any other book on the planet, unless someone decides to copy me.

This is one of the many things I learned along the way that helped me in the healing process, a tool, a process that was not available anywhere else, but that I discovered through research and soul searching. It's fascinating, it's amazing and I believe it has the potential to revolutionize Childhood Trauma Healing process as well as Codependency Recovery. This is powerful.

Learning to "Pull Yourself Inside" is a natural outflow of the healing process when you're on target and moving forward. I think it is akin to personal integration and it feels magnificent, although a bit awkward at first.

Pulling yourself inside is about capturing yourself, every part of yourself, parts you used to regularly, easily give away, and refunneling that good stuff back into yourself where it belongs. See how weird that sounds? I don't care. It's true! It's about taking your thoughts back. It's about taking your time back to use for yourself. It's about taking your energy back, your concern, your care and your compassion, it's about taking all that good stuff inside you that you used to give away to someone who wasn't emotionally available, or worse, who was abusive; and funneling those things back unto yourself where it always belongs.

This means that when you talk and connect with others, your focus is not on Sue Ellen, Bobby Sue or Bob Smith. No. Your focus is not external. You bring your focus back to you, no matter how awkward it feels.

There is a reason why so many of us in recovery focus externally... Firstly, you feel like your worth comes from the outside, not inside... and second, because it can be quite uncomfortable to focus on ourselves... It's because nobody ever focused on us before, not truly, not like this, and we don't know how to focus on ourselves.

• It's because we don't know who we are or what we're supposed to focus on. 

• It's because we don't want to be exposed and vulnerable, so we converse about other people's issues (or shall I say, we project our issues onto other people) so that our ego can keep its hands clean. 

• It's because religion has taught us that to be humble we must never think of ourselves. 

• It's because we're filled with shame and thinking of ourselves often triggers a bad feeling.

• It's because as children, in order to get approval, we had to focus externally to survive. 

• It's because we don't know any other way. 

• It's because our brains were conditioned early-on to abandon ourselves and focus on others.

• It's because we think that we focus on ourselves a lot, but in actuality, our primary focus is on others. 

The problem is, when we're focusing on other people, when we're blaming instead of taking ownership, then we are just delaying our own progress. We cannot get ahead if we stay stuck on the merry-go-round of denial, blame and projection. It's not possible. In order to heal, in order to transform, in order to grow, in order to get to the next level mentally and emotionally, we must deal with the truth. We must be friendly with the facts. We must focus on ourselves.

There are many ways to pull yourself inside. Any of the following techniques are extremely helpful and represent some ways I've discovered to pull myself inside. Perhaps you have your own way. Perhaps some of these ways that work for me won't work for you. That's okay. The point is, making a concentrated, FOCUSED EFFORT to pull your affect inward, toward yourself.

Focused Effort

• Refocusing your thoughts ONTO YOURSELF.
• Refocusing your conversations ONTO YOURSELF. (Not being selfish, just not talking about the problems of other people--you can do nothing about those people... also steering clear of too much data and 'intellectualizing.')
• Refocusing your actions ONTO YOURSELF. (Not saying to disregard responsibility, but rather, take more time out to do things to your benefit, especially if you're over-concerned with doing for other people most of the time.) 

Focused effort means to catch yourself when you feel yourself slipping away toward external control.

• This means, catching yourself when you're day dreaming about that awful relationship, telling yourself that it really wasn't so bad.
• This means catching yourself when you're crying about a past relationship. (Shouldn't you be thinking about yourself?)
• This means catching yourself and redirecting your thoughts when you find that you're focusing on someone elses issues.
• This means catching yourself and redirecting your thoughts when you take too much time dwaddling when you promised yourself you would spend time on yourself.
• This means catching yourself and redirecting your thoughts when you're worried about whether someone likes you or not, whether they approve of you.
• This means catching yourself and redirecting your thoughts when you're working non-stop and not taking any breaks.

 The process of pulling yourself inside is just that. A process. It takes time to strengthen your neural pathways in your brain to make this process a habit, but eventually, it will become more natural for you to center on yourself than outside parties. The payoff is that you have a place from which to start to build your new identity, that of a "Healed Person," and write a new story for how your life will go from now on. Granted, your new space inside your own heart may feel bland and empty right now, but pretty soon I'm going to walk you through the process of decorating your inner life with things such as gratitude, compassion, beauty, knowledge, wisdom and love.