Internal Boundaries

I have learned to define Internal Boundaries for myself as follows:

Internal Boundaries: What you allow or do not allow to bother you inside. 

1. What gets you upset? 
2. What causes you to react?

The key to being autonomous and free is to trust your own self, to know your own self and to act in accordance with your own best interests at all times from a place of centeredness. The key to abandoning yourself is to allow yourself to be swept away by the whims of others, or to be manipulated and to have your own will usurped by the desires of others. Good internal boundaries help you to hold onto yourself and not be swept away in the chaos, drama and needs of others.

You can improve your internal boundaries by getting to know yourself and learning how you're feeling at any given moment and to assert your own boundaries within prior to setting limits without of yourself. Internal boundaries can become and often are automatic, but can also require you to heed your intuition. Trusting your gut and acting in accordance with your gut no matter who is demanding you to do otherwise is a good example of having a strong internal boundary. 

Related:

Internal Locus of Control

How to Walk Away

I need to do a video on this, but I'm extremely busy with my real estate practice.

I posted this image you see on this blog post to my private SelfLoveU Group on Facebook, and got some questions as to HOW you do this. HOW do you walk away from harmful others? HOW do you love yourself enough to walk away?

Having just a tiny bit of rest in between major projects, I am answering below. I think it's important to share. It's some really deep stuff, profound learning. It's right where I am on my personal healing journey and it's beautiful. Here is is in a nutshell.

You have to build internal boundaries inside your own psyche. You have to open up the enmeshment like an accordion and let your true self rise up to protect you. You have to allow your anger to surface, and get in touch with your sense of self protection. You have to unravel the trauma bonds. You have to deal with original relationship issues so that you have better internal eyesight when dealing with harmful others. You have to grieve, readjust your thinking and grow into a differentiated human being who doesn't need or rely on external sources of validation. All this you must do!!! It's a long road, but can be done if you work hard, seek guidance and do not give up. ~ Jenna

An undifferentiated person who was abused as a child emotionally, physically, sexually, is a person who is codependent. A psychological blob. Everything you do, think and feel takes into account the abuser's opinion. The abuser's opinion becomes your own internal critic in adulthood. What's more, is that the abuser becomes A PART OF YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL MAKE-UP as an adult. Therefore, as an adult, you seek out abuse because it is a mirror to what's already inside you. It's familiar. You were victimized, and you have victim mentality and being a victim feels more comfortable than standing on your own two feet.

If you want to heal and become strong, you have to start looking within yourself, by examining your own thoughts and feelings religiously. Keep a journal. I have 100s of journals. You have to start seeing the parts of yourself and the situations you encounter that cause you to align with someone who abusive towards you. This is an internal conflict. An internal split within your psyche. You have to reconcile that split and learn to allow yourself to be a whole person. a whole person doesn't have any question as to what's good or bad treatment. They easily walk away because there is nothing inside of them telling them that they deserve it.