I wrote this on this video on youtube:
Betrayal Blindness. It's a survival defense mechanism. Revictimization. Betrayal blindness causes "whoosh" symptom where you have selective attention only towards the good that these vampires do. You don't even NOTICE the red flags because your mind is wired for survival. This occurs because the narcissistically abused person is required as a child to attach to the very person who is abusing them.Betrayal Blindness is Stockholm Syndrome, a trauma bond. In order to heal, the victim needs ego strength; he/she must get in touch with feeling, intuition and instincts indicative of abuse. They need to learn to trust the little twinge in their gut, the light pressure in their heart that would tell a healthy person that something is off. They need to learn to act on their own behalf and set boundaries against abusive others.
One of the keys to steering clear of the Narc is to expose the lies from childhood, grieve the losses and get in touch with themselves somatically through mindfulness and meditation. The one abused by the narcissist needs to unfold as a person because the narcissist parent has sabotaged their individuation process in an attempt to exploit them as an extension of themselves.
It's not the victim's fault. The victim just does what he or she can to survive as a child as not attaching to the abuser would lead to death for a child. As an adult we don't need anyone so badly, even though we were taught that we do. We can stand on our own and protect ourselves. It's hard to heal.
Good luck to you, Jenna
http://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineBT.html
Stockholm Syndrome - Belief by victims that survival depends on abuser. This creates emotional attachment. Reality distortion. Seeing abusers in a positive light. Existing in extreme state of dependence.
Betrayal blindness
http://pages.uoregon.edu/dynamic/jjf/articles/freyd94.pdf
If the one who betrayed you was someone you trusted and you needed to rely on to grow up and develop, a primary attachment, then you will conveniently "forget" the betrayal, or what psychologist researchers call "betrayal amnesia."
We do not process the betrayal in the normal way. If we do process the betrayal in a normal way, it is a threat to our survival.
ME: I have found that my perceptions of my current life, my life as an adult are skewed by the events in my childhood. Therefore, if I have betrayal amnesia as a child, then I will continue to allow myself to be betrayed and to ignore behaviors that seem indicative of betrayal to a healthy person who did not experience the childhood betrayal trauma that I endured.
I have proven this to myself numerous times throughout my healing and child abuse recovery process. As I heal and allow myself to feel my own blocked, repressed, frozen and projected emotions, which occurs as I face the wounds that occurred in childhood... as I reassess the situation from today's prospective and realize that the abuse was not my fault, was not an indication of my worth, but rather... that I place blame on the appropriate parties (my caretakers) whether they intended to abuse me or not... then I become aware of actions and behaviors of others towards me which mirror the original abusers actions but that are conducted by people in my present-day relationships.
Basically, I attract abusive people, and I allow abusive people to come into my life--despite knowing the indicators of an abuser because I selectively "forget" such interactions just as I did in childhood. Once I process and integrate the abusive situations one-by-one, then I am able to see the truth not only of the original abuser(s), but also of people that I am in relationship with in my present every day reality.
There is a "selective information processing" funnel going on in my mind where I disregard information that tells me that this person is highly likely to abuse me. I follow the conditioned pattern of childhood, where I was conditioned to ATTACH to the person who was abusing me in order to survive. I'm still adept at ATTACHING to abusive people even though I'm older now and I know better. The habitual patterns are deeply engrained. I am able to uncover said patterns only a bit at a time because the shattering of my spirit was so replete from multiple childhood abuses.
These abuses occurred when I was dependent on people who were abusing me to survive. I had no other choice but to disregard the actions of abuse that happened to me. That is, to pretend like it wasn't happening. To pretend like they really did care about me. To pretend like they really did love me, even though all the evidence pointed to disregard, disrespect, disgust and disdain.
http://pages.uoregon.edu/dynamic/jjf/articles/freyd94.pdf
"If we process the betrayal in the normal way, then we will be motivated to stop interacting with the betrayer." Instead, we essentially need to ignore the betrayal."
The child must continue to please the abuser to inspire caregiving and attachment in order to survive. It would be dangerous for a child to withdraw from a caregiver she is dependent on. This threatens the very life of the child.
So I selectively forget and selectively ignore instances of abuse in my present relationships because I still have the fear of death lingering in me. My wounded child self believes it will die if it notices neglect, disregard, invalidation or other abuses both indirect and covert.
http://www.thistangledweb.co.uk/useful-articles/trust-issues/
REMEMBER: Doubts are inner signals that you are not sure. You need to listen to them before making any decision.
Restoring trust in yourself allows you to become more self-reliant. This will reduce your dependency on others who may let you down or betray your trust. Also as you begin to trust yourself more, you will begin to trust others and trust in a better future.
When people react negatively to a victim's disclosure, notably by disbelieving and blaming the victim, this can compound the damage done by the assault.
https://books.google.com/books?id=00xQWxsmYwAC&pg=PT39&lpg=PT39&dq=betrayal+child+abuse+recovery&source=bl&ots=WrtoE9C7iP&sig=AcMz5IzxPvSkKj5FbLFpqbcl6nw&hl=en&sa=X&ei=4_PvVP6BJtPrggSc04HABQ&ved=0CE0Q6AEwCDgK#v=onepage&q&f=false
Blind to Betrayal
Betrayal sets victims up to be revictimized. - Mark Walker case, parole officer & rapist.
one way betrayal is so toxic. it sets up victims to be revictimized.
The victim displayed a frozen response during the abuse.
"natural reactions to betrayal are to withdraw or confront"
for the child, remaining blind to the betrayal in the first place eliminates the need to pretend.
parents are supposed to love and protect us
blind - confusion & darkness
unable to see, unwilling to see and understand
the need to trust is a powerful blinding agent
Ongoing betrayal can only occur when there is some deception that is undetected. Sometimes this is due to lack of information, but other times it's linked to betrayal blindness where one is aware of information but its presence is "whooshed away."
discovery of betrayal makes one aware that the world is not the same. Someone who was trusted is now considered unsafe. Betrayal has a fundamental impact on ones perception of reality.
throws you off balance. tips you over.
everything I know to be true is not true. insidious
"early betrayals make us think that we are crazy.
Me: distorts reality. distorts perceptions. wigs you out.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-j-birrell-and-jennifer-j-freyd/betrayal-blindness-how-an_b_3146159.html
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