If you were raised in a dysfunctional home, you don't know which end is up. You don't know how to trust yourself and you trust people who are harmful to you. Since you were never taught to trust yourself, you have to go outside for guidance, protection, encouragement and support. When you go outside yourself (because you don't know who you are) to get support, you are wide open to being "supported" by perpetrators who mean you no good.
People who are psychologically disordered live live like a game; they are in a battle for power and control. These people get a rush out of taking the power away from others. If you are a weak, needy person who was never taught that you have power, or that you have a right to have power, then you are easy prey for predators who will take everything you have and leave you thinking it's all your fault. These predators will abuse you in many ways. One way these folks take you down is through ABUSE BY PROXY.
Abuse By Proxy, technically is when a person uses or manipulates other people to abuse you. When you are abused by a third party, the original predator keeps his or her hands clean. This type of abuse is the worst! You may turn to the very person who is killing you. It's crucial that you understand who it is that is causing you to stay in abusive situations. It's crucial that you look beyond the surface and see that some people are merely following the directives of a covertly manipulative person who wants to take you down, keep you confused--and take away your power.
Abuse By Proxy occurs whenever the following types of scenes occur in your life:
- You are being abused by a 3rd party, and your confidante encourages you to stay in the relationship.
- You're being abused by a 3rd party, and your confidante says things to cause you to feel responsible, guilty, afraid of leaving or ashamed for getting out.
- You are abused by a 3rd party, and this abuse is occurring at the bequest of the predator or narcissist in your life.
- You are slandered by a group because of their loyalty to a predator who slanders you and they believe the lies.
If you are being slandered by a group of people or treated like crap from narcissist fawns, then just know who the original culprit is. You can't win with a narcissist. You might as well cut your losses and move on; believe me, you've really lost nothing. Narcissists promise the world, but leave you with ashes so it's really no big loss.